“She'll be all right, Mel … she'll be—”
“What if she can never have babies?” Mel was sobbing uncontrollably in his arms.
“Then at least she'll be alive and we'll have her.” That would be something to be grateful for at least.
“Why didn't she tell me?”
“They were afraid to, I guess. They wanted to work it out for themselves.” It had been admirable but foolish.
“But she's only sixteen.”
“I know, Mel … I know …” He had suspected a while before that she and Mark had finally made love, but he hadn't wanted to say anything to upset Mel. And he realized now that he should have had a talk with Mark. He sat thinking about it all as they came back from the cafeteria and Mark slowly approached Mel and his father. Mel looked up at him miserably and continued to cry and Mark sat down and looked at her, in as much pain as she.
“I don't know what to say … I'm sorry … I … I never thought … I would never have let her …” He bowed his head in lonely grief as the sobs racked him, and Peter's heart went out to him as he took him in his arms with Mel, and suddenly Mel and Mark were clinging to each other and crying, and then Jessica was there too, and Pam and Matthew. It was a hideous scene, and the doctor came out and looked at them with a groan. Peter saw him first and disengaged himself from the others. He went to speak to the surgeon quietly, as Mel watched with terrified eyes.
“How did it go?”
The surgeon nodded, and Mel held her breath. “She was lucky. We didn't have to remove her uterus. She just had a monstrous hemorrhage, but there's no permanent damage. I wouldn't suggest she try an abortion again though.” Peter nodded. Hopefully not.
“Thank you.” He extended a hand, and the two surgeons shook hands.
“I was told you're a doctor.”
“I am. Cardiac surgery. We're from L.A.” The other surgeon narrowed his eyes, clapped a hand to his head and grinned.
“Oh shit. I know who you are. You're Hallam!” He was so excited he could hardly stand it. And then he laughed. “I'm glad I didn't know that before we went in. I'd have been a nervous wreck.”
“You shouldn't. I couldn't have done what you just did.”
“Well, I'm glad to have helped.” He shook Peter's hand again. “Honored.” Peter knew then that there would be no bill, and he was sorry, the man had done a fine job and he had saved Val's life and the lives of her future children, and maybe even Mark's. He wondered if this would end the romance now, or if it would pull them together closer. It had certainly pulled the family together in the last hour, and as they sat and waited for Val to come out of the anesthetic, they began to come alive again. They talked and joked a little, but the atmosphere was generally subdued. It had been a heavy dose of reality for them all to live through. And before Val ever woke up, he took Pam and Matthew back to the condo. Mark and Jess had insisted on staying with Mel, and they wanted to see Val, but the other two looked worse than Val by then. Peter had insisted on taking them home no matter how much they protested.
“We want to see Val,” Matthew whined.
“They won't let you, and it's late, Matt.” His father was gentle but firm. “You'll see her tomorrow, if it's allowed.”
“I want to see her tonight.” Peter led him outside and Pam followed with a last look at the others, and when Peter returned Val had just woken up and was back in her room, but she was too groggy to understand what they said to her. She just smiled and drifted off and when she saw Mark, she reached for his hand and whispered, “I'm sorry … I …” And then she went back to sleep, and an hour later they all left and went back to the condo. It was almost midnight and everyone was exhausted.
Mel kissed Jessie good night and held her close for a long moment before she went to bed, and Jessica looked at her mother with sad eyes. “I'm sorry I said what I did.”
“Maybe some of it was true. Maybe I have been too busy with the others.”
“There are a lot of us now, and there's a lot on you. I know that, Mom …” Her voice drifted off, remembering another time, another place … when they didn't have to share her quite as much as they did now.
“That's no excuse, Jess. I'll try to do better from now on.” But how much better could she do? How many more hours were there in a day? How could she give each one what they needed, do her job, and even have time to breathe? She was a mother of five now, and the wife of an illustrious surgeon, not to mention coanchor-woman on a TV news show. It barely left her time to breathe. And her daughter had accused her of being more interested in her stepchildren than in her own. Maybe she was trying too hard to please them all. She kissed Mark good night too, and then fell into bed with Peter, but as tired as she was, she couldn't sleep. She lay awake for hours thinking of what Jess had said, and of Val lying in the snow covered with blood. Peter felt her shudder beside him.
“I'll never forgive myself for not knowing what was going on.”
“You can't know everything, Mel. They're almost grown-up people now.”
“That's not what you said today. You said they were as grown up as Matthew.”
“Maybe I was wrong.” It had shocked him to realize that his son had almost had a baby. But Mark had turned eighteen in August. In truth, he was a man. “I know they're young, and they're too young to be doing what they are, making love, and getting pregnant and having abortions, but it happens, Mel.” He sat up on one elbow and looked down at his wife. “They tried to work it out, you have to give them credit for that.” She wasn't ready to give them credit for a damn thing, nor herself.
“Some of what Jessie said was true, you know. I've been so involved with you, and Pam and Matthew, I haven't had much time for them.”
“You have five children now, and a job, and a bigger house to run, and me. Just how much can you expect of yourself, Mel?”
“More, I guess.” But she was exhausted at the thought.
“How much more can you do?”
“I don't know. But apparently I'm not doing enough, or this would never have happpened to Val. I should have seen what was going on. I should have known, without being told.”
“What do you want to do? Play policeman? Give up your job, so you can drive car pools?”
It wasn't a very appealing thought, and they both knew it, but a little while later Mel answered in a small voice. “That's what Anne did though, isn't it?”
“Yes, but you and she are different women, Mel. And I don't think she ever really felt fulfilled, if you want to know the truth. The difference is that you do. It makes you a happier person.” It was a nice thing to have said, and she turned to him with a smile as they lay in the dark, with only the moonlight outside, casting soft shadows on them.