Oh, for bloody crying out loud.
‘Lola?’ demanded Tony when she shook her head and sat back. ‘Come along now, what is it?’
‘How am I supposed to know the answer to that?’
He looked at her as if she were an imbecile. ‘Because it’s a literature question and books are your speciality.’
‘It’s the Bible!’ Stung by the unfairness of it all, Lola cried, ‘Even if I had read the Bible, I promise you I wouldn’t have counted how many times each word appeared!’
‘Quick!’ shouted Jerry.
‘Um, OK ... "and".’ Lola blurted the word out in a panic, aware that across the table Isabel was writing something on the back of one of the programmes.
AND, Tony scrawled on the answer card.
‘Time’s up,’ called the question master. ‘Raise your cards please. Ah, I see lots of you got it right this time. Well done, all of you who knew that the correct answer is Lord.’
‘Oh, bad luck, Lola.’ Isabel smiled sympathetically.
The others didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. Then Jerry, peering at the programme by Isabel’s elbow, exclaimed, ‘You wrote it down! You knew Lord was the right answer.’
‘Shh, it doesn’t matter. Questions about books are Lola’s field of expertise. I didn’t want her to feel I was muscling in.’
Intrigued, Sally said, ‘But how did you know it was Lord?’
‘Same way as everyone else who got it right, I expect.’ Isabel dimpled prettily — dammit, she even had dimples. ‘It’s a Trivial Pursuit question. Once you’ve been asked it, it’s not the kind of answer you forget.’
Chapter 30
The four-course meal, each course served between rounds of questions, was sublime.The glittering ballroom with its mirrored walls, opulent décor and hundreds of tethered gold and white helium balloons, was beautiful in every way. By concentrating on the good parts and reminding herself that she never had to see the ultra-competitive contingent again, Lola chatted to Elly and Sally and began to enjoy the evening. It was, after all, a far cry from warm beer and burst eardrums at the White Hart.
By the beginning of the fifth and final round they were joint leaders along with the Deadly Dunns, a team from another management consultancy. The rivalry was intense now; there might be laughter on the surface but, deep down, reputations were at stake.
Sally got them off to a flying start by knowing the whereabouts in the body of the islets of Langerhans, which Lola privately felt should be found not in the pancreas but somewhere off the west coast of Scotland in the vicinity of Barra, Eriskay and Skye.
The questions continued and their table’s points continued to mount up. Bob knew something ridiculously obscure aboutthe composer Dmitri Shostakovich and earned himself a round of applause. Jerry the Egyptologist preened, having correctly answered a question about the identity of the tekenu. Elly dithered a bit but finally guessed correctly that David Hockney had attended Bradford Grammar.
Lola began to wonder if she was actually the least intelligent person in the entire room. Even people who didn’t look remotely clever were getting things right whilst she was still struggling to break her duck.
Isabel let out a shriek of delight and smothered Doug in kisses when he correctly answered that David Campese was the player who’d scored the most tries in test rugby.
Lola helped herself to more wine. One booky-type question, that was all she asked, a question that nobody else knew the answer to. And when she answered it correctly, everyone would break into wild applause and Dougie would give her one of his heart-melting smiles .. .
Finally it was the penultimate question of the quiz. Doug’s table and the Deadly Dunns were still neck and neck: It’s only a game, Lola told herself, it’s only a game. But she felt sick anyway; it felt more important than that.
‘Right, here we go,’ said the question master. ‘James Loveless, George Loveless, John Standfield,Thomas Standfield, James Brine and James Hammett are the names of ... ?’
Lola, busy knocking back wine, froze in mid-glug. She knew who they were. Bloody hell, she actually knew an answer!
Everyone else looked blank. Sally whispered, ‘Is it the Arctic Monkeys?’
‘Soldiers who won the VC?’ guessed Bob.
History was Tony’s specialist subject. He was shaking his head, gazing in turn at the others in search of enlightenment.
‘Are they footballers?’ hazarded Jerry the Egyptologist.
Tony looked at Isabel, then at Doug, before glancing briefly in Lola’s direction. Hastily swallowing her mouthful of wine and keen not to let anyone at nearby tables overhear, she mouthed the answer at him.
Tony frowned and mouthed back, ‘What?’
Tingling with excitement, Lola mouthed the words again, more slowly this time. ‘The Tolpuddle martyrs.’
Tony turned away as if he hadn’t seen her. Reaching for the answer card he scrawled a few words and, leaning across to Isabel, whispered in her ear.
Lola watched open-mouthed as she cried, ‘Oh Tony, you’re brilliant.’
‘Everyone raise your cards,’ called the question master. ‘And the correct answer ... is ... the Tolpuddle martyrs!’
‘Yayyyy!’ Everyone else on the table let out a huge cheer. Bob and Jerry clapped Tony on the back and Lola waited for him to announce that, in fact, she, Lola, was the one who’d known the answer.
But he didn’t. He just sat there looking smug and lapping up all the congratulations. Lola gazed around wildly; had none of them seen what had happened? Not even Doug?
‘Damn, the Deadly Dunns got it too,’ said Doug. ‘We’re still level. It’s right down to the wire.’
Bloody Tony, what a cheater! Lola was so busy being outraged and glaring at him that she barely listened to the final question.
‘... famous writer died in eighteen eighty. Her nom de plume was George Eliot. But what was her real name?’
This was it. Lola sat up as if she’d been electrocuted. Ha, and it was a trick question! Everyone else was going to think theanswer was Mary Ann Evans. More importantly, the Deadly Dunns were going to think that. But the clue was in the way the question had been phrased, and seven months before her death at the age of sixty-one, Mary Ann Evans had married a toyboy by the name of John Cross. So the question being asked was, in fact, what was her real name when she died .. .
‘Well?’ said Bob. ‘Do you know it?’
‘Of course I know it.’ Lola signalled for the answer card and a pen. With a flourish she wrote Mary Ann Cross. Oh yes, was that a flicker of respect in Doug’s eye? About time too! She was about to win his team the competition!
‘Raise your cards, ladies and gentlemen.’
Trembling with excitement, Lola held it above her head. Timm.’ Doug was looking at the other raised cards. Oh Dougie, have faith in me, would I let you down?
‘And the correct . .. answer ... is ...’ the question master strung it out X Factor style, ‘... Mary ...
Ann ... Evans!’
‘For fuck’s sake,’ groaned Bob.
‘No,’ Lola heard herself blurt the word out, shock prickling at the base of her skull. Shaking her head in disbelief, she said, ‘That’s wrong!’
Jerry’s tone was bitter. ‘You’re wrong.’
‘YEEEAAAHHH!’ Realising they’d won the competition, the Deadly Dunns were cheering their heads off.
‘But I’m not wrong. Mary Anne Evans married a man called John Cross ... she did ..: The words died in Lola’s throat as she realised it no longer mattered; the game was over and she’d lost it —
irony of ironies — by trying to be too clever.
Barn, went the cork as it flew out of the Deadly Dunns’ triumphantly shaken bottle of champagne. Everyone else in the room was applauding them. They rose to their feet and bowed, before breaking into a boisterous chorus of ‘We Are the Champions’.