Finally, as the least bad idea, he decided on his apartment and began to head in its direction. As he walked he found himself back to wondering if Ava could be seriously depressed, but then dismissed it again. He was convinced she was a doer like himself. When the chips were down and things weren’t going your way, you didn’t cry and mope. You sucked it up and worked harder.
As he climbed the stark stairs in his building, he couldn’t help but compare the experience with going up the stairs in Ava’s home with its mahogany handrail, hand-turned balusters, and custom carpeting. Yet the thought surprised him. Had four days and three nights spoiled him?
When he got into his unit, the comparisons were even more dramatic. It was like night and day. He couldn’t quite believe the barrenness and impersonal nature of the place.
Trying to ignore the decor or the lack of it, he sat down at the miserable folding table and booted up his HP, still wondering when he’d hear from Ava and wishing he’d inquired about her schedule when he’d visited the Anesthesia office. Quite suddenly, the disturbing thought came to him that she might have some time off and be away on one of her frequent trips without telling him.
After quickly checking if he had gotten any emails or Facebook messages on his computer that might have mysteriously eluded his phone, Noah sent another email to her. He struggled with the phrasing so as not to sound as irritated as he felt. In many respects, it was rude and unempathetic of her to ignore him like this. She had to know he would be beside himself with concern.
Then he picked up his mobile phone, and against his better judgment, he typed her yet another short text, urging her to text back and included a sad-face emoji. But then he held up for a moment with his finger poised to hit the send button, trying to talk himself out of doing it. He’d already sent her a half-dozen unanswered texts.
In an attempt to salvage a modicum of self-esteem, he deleted it instead and tossed the phone onto the table in disgust. He wondered when he would hear from her, whether the next day or the day after that or if at all. Could the next time he saw her be in the OR corridor, ignoring each other and passing like two ships in the night? He had no idea, but he realized it was a possibility, as were a half-dozen other scenarios. Not since high school when his first love had suddenly turned her affections elsewhere had he been quite so confused, irritated, and worried all at the same time.
“Maybe I’m in love,” Noah questioned out loud. As lonely as he’d been over the last two years, he knew he was possibly a needy, love-starved nerd who’d been swept off his feet over the previous three or four days by an exceptional woman who had been hiding out in plain sight.
Book 2
15
SUNDAY, JULY 16, 9:10 P.M.
The next four days did not rank among Noah’s favorites. To try to avoid obsessing over Ava’s disappearance and her total lack of communication, he buried himself in work. Not only did he do more surgery than his usual amount and see far more people in clinic, he found the time to plan the basic science lectures and Journal Club meetings for the entire next month. He also met with each first-year resident to hear his or her complaints and raves.
Even though he told himself he wasn’t going to hear from Ava, every time he got a text message or an email or even a phone call he thought it might be her and his heart quickened. Unfortunately, every time he was disappointed. In order to avoid looking for her in the OR each day, he made it a point to go back to the anesthesia office the day after she’d disappeared and ask the secretary when Ava was due back. To avoid stoking any gossip, he’d used the excuse that he had to talk with her about the Helen Gibson case. What he had learned was that she wasn’t scheduled until Monday.
Noah left the hospital by the main entrance and crossed the swath of greenery that covered the freeway tunnel on his way home. Once he was out of the hospital with all its demands on his attention, time, and energy, he was unable to stop his mind from mulling over his problems. Dr. Mason had made good on his threat to tell Dr. Hernandez about Noah and Ava possibly having an affair. Noah had become aware Thursday morning when he had gotten a message as he was scrubbing for his final surgery that he was wanted ASAP in the chief of surgery’s office.
The meeting had not been pleasant. It got off on the wrong foot because Noah had gone ahead and finished his last case and didn’t show up in the chief’s office for almost two hours. Clearly miffed despite Noah’s explanation for the delay, Dr. Hernandez started out by saying the hospital administration didn’t condemn fraternization or romance between hospital employees, as they are grown-ups, but it did frown on such relationships if they affected performance. He went on to say that it was Dr. Mason’s strong opinion that Noah had deliberately shielded Dr. London from blame in the Vincent case during the M&M Conference by not bringing up the fault of Anesthesia choosing to use a spinal rather than general anesthesia.
Noah had tried to defend himself by denying any attempt to shield Dr. London and by mentioning that Dr. Mason’s secretary had requested the spinal. But his attempts seemed to fall on deaf ears. Instead of listening, Dr. Hernandez had gone on to criticize Noah’s role in reawakening the concurrent-surgery debate, which had already been adequately vetted and cleared. At that point, Noah tried to remind the chief that the issue had been raised by a member of the audience and not by him.
“Let’s not quibble about the details,” Dr. Hernandez had said with a wave of his hand. “The point here in both these circumstances is that we expect you to side with the Department of Surgery as a potential member of the staff. Now, I don’t know what you have done to get under Dr. Mason’s skin, nor do I want to know. But whatever it was or is, I think it would be in your best interest to rectify it. You have been a wonderful resident, Dr. Rothauser. I would hate to see you ruin it in this final sprint to the finish line. Do I make myself clear?”
As Noah thought again about this brief meeting, it irritated and scared him. It was disheartening to see how blind the administration was to Dr. Mason’s personality flaws just because of his exceptional surgical skills. Noah had had to fight with himself not to bring up the Meg Green dismissal issue as the real cause of Dr. Mason’s discontent. That unfortunate affair was still a sore subject, and Noah feared bringing it up might make the situation worse.
Noah reached the eastern corner of the Boston Common and began to cut diagonally across the park, heading in the direction of the gold-domed Massachusetts State House. In contrast with the downtown area, which had been relatively deserted, the park was full of people enjoying the Sunday summer evening. Despite it being after nine P.M., there were still children in the kids’ playground. Noah felt distinctively out of place in his hospital whites, surrounded by healthy, normal people who he knew thought of his world as a scary place.
As bad as the meeting with Dr. Hernandez had gone, the meeting with Dr. Edward Cantor, the surgical residency program director, had been worse. Noah had been summoned a few hours after the meeting with the chief. As soon as Noah had arrived in the director’s office, it had been obvious that Dr. Mason had also passed on to him the story of Noah and Ava’s possible romance and his possible shielding of her at the M&M Conference.
“I don’t like this one bit,” Dr. Cantor had snapped. “It is not the role of the super chief surgical resident to protect a possibly incompetent anesthesia attending because of an affair.”