I shook my head and chuckled. “I’ll believe babies are scared of you when I see it.”
“You’ll laugh at me when you see it, but that’s all right too.” She set down her breakfast and wiped her fingers on her napkin. “So you start tomorrow? That’s so soon.”
“I’ve got to start working on my lesson plans tonight, and tomorrow I’m getting a tour of the facility and working with the director on my lesson plans. Plus, it’s not like I have anything else to do.”
“Only Mr. M.” She waggled her brows and picked up her coffee.
I laughed. “Yes, only him. But I’ll still have plenty of time for him to tickle my fancy, even with a job.”
Rose smiled. “We should definitely celebrate tonight. We can get everyone together and go to Habits, yeah?”
“Do you work?”
“Nope, I’m off again.”
“You sure you want to go to work on your day off?”
She shrugged. “It’s my home away from home. Plus, I didn’t go in yesterday and had a pajama binge. My mascara’s calling me.”
My phone buzzed in my bag, and I reached into its depths, digging around before my fingers closed over it. I had a text from Mr. M.
How did it go?
I texted back, smiling. Nailed it. They offered me a position!
I knew they would. Can I offer you a position? You know, to celebrate.
My smile stretched wider. I will accept all celebratory positions. After Habits tonight — we’re going to have drinks if you want to come.
I always want to come.
I giggled, and Rose watched me with an eyebrow up. I guess I asked for that.
I’ll see you at Habits tonight. Wear those purple panties, the ones with the black lace. We’ll go to my place after.
I bit my lip. Anything you want.
I love the sound of that.
My cheeks were hot as I set my phone face down on the table.
Rose shook her head. “You’ve got it bad.”
My blush deepened. “It’s nothing. We’re just hooking up.”
“Mmhmm. Sure.”
My brow bent, and I crossed my arms. “I’m so tired of explaining this to everyone. It’s like none of you trust me to handle my own decisions. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?”
“I know. We’re just worried about you is all.”
“Well, I’m not blind.”
“Do you really think you can keep your feelings out of it?”
“I have been so far.”
“But you like him?” she prompted.
“I like him, and he rocks my ladybits.”
“And he likes you?”
“He seems to. Sometimes he just … I don’t know. He looks at me and I feel like he sees me. But Rose — he is seriously the worst idea ever. If you knew him, you would lose your shit and tell me I’m making a terrible mistake, and that’s exactly why I agree. Getting involved would be a mistake.”
“I mean, as long as you’ve got it under control.”
“Whatever that is.” I sighed and spun my phone around on the table absently. “Moving here was a clean start, all right. I can pretend nothing before I moved here ever happened. Like it was all a bad dream, or fiction. The story of a girl I used to know. Do you know what I mean?”
Rose’s eyes were bright and open. “I do. Do you think about Jimmy a lot?”
“I think I’m somewhere between hurt and denial. Like, sometimes I’ll see something or think of something I want to share with him before I remember what he did. The rest of the time, I just pretend like he doesn’t exist. I don’t quite know how to face it, and I wonder if I ever will.”
“Facing it is probably inevitable. Something will happen, and the pressure valve will blow. It happens to the best of us, especially those of us who avoid, and it’s never pretty.”
I nodded, trying to imagine what would happen and dreading it. “It’s gonna be bad, Rose.”
“Probably. But you’ve always got us.”
She smiled at me and picked up her bagel. I found comfort in knowing that it was true — Rose and Lily would be there if I fell apart. And I hung on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, enough time would pass that it would fade away into my past without enduring any more pain.
Cooper
Habits was packed for a Monday, and the drinks had been flowing for long enough that everyone was rosy-cheeked and laughing. Everyone had shuffled around to talk, leaving Maggie and me on the edge of the group, pretending to ignore each other.
Astrid hooked her arm in Maggie’s and smiled, bringing a joke home with a punchline that had the girls all laughing. Astrid had gone way out of her way to talk to Maggie all night, hanging near her. I’d caught them nearly whispering to each other, Maggie nodding, Astrid with her hand on Maggie’s arm, the two of them smiling. Between their truce and my cell phone purge, I hoped she wouldn’t worry so much anymore.
I just wanted her to believe me. The thought that she didn’t drove me crazy.
Something else that drove me crazy: the fact that almost every man in the bar was watching her.
There was one in particular, at a high table with his friends, almost directly in my line of sight. I watched him talk to his friends, the three of them eyeing the group, and I knew he was going to try to talk to her at some point. I caught his eye once and held it, hoping it was enough to keep him away. But I knew the chance was slim. There was no indicator that we were together — Maggie and I hadn’t touched, had barely looked at each other, even though she was all I could think about.
I’d been almost silent all night. Everyone else was too drunk to notice, thankfully. But Maggie knew, and she knew why. And I knew she felt the same.
I was ready to drag her out of the bar the first minute I saw her. Her dress was simple — short, soft peach and loose with small lace detailing. The thin straps left much of her back exposed, the creamy skin begging to be touched, low enough to know she wasn’t wearing a bra.
The knowledge didn’t help my efforts to keep my hands off of her.
Her admirer stood up, and my eyes narrowed as he wove around everyone with his eyes on Maggie. I took a long sip of scotch and leaned back against the bar with my jaw ticking.
He was about my height and build, with blond hair and tan skin. A decent looking guy, so naturally, I wanted to hit him. He stopped next to her, and I resisted the urge to step between them.
I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying, which somehow made it even more unbearable. When she laughed at something he said, I almost lost my shit. Astrid’s eyes laughed as they bounced between Maggie, the intruder and me. I broke my gaze to glance at West, whose jaw was set as he watched.
She touched his shoulder, and I slammed my drink. Everyone else in the group was still talking, Rose and Lily giggling about something, though Patrick was watching West.
The intruder smiled before walking away, and Astrid leaned in to whisper in Maggie’s ear. She laughed, her cheeks pink, eyes darting over to me. She nodded and whispered something back.
West seemed placated and turned back to Lily, and everyone was preoccupied again, talking amongst themselves. No one was watching us, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Maggie pressed against me as someone squeezed behind her to get to the bar, and her fingers curled against my leg like she wanted any reason to touch me.
I turned my head like I was looking behind her. “Meet me in the bathroom. Don’t make me wait.”
I stood and set my glass on the bar behind me, hitching a thumb over my shoulder when West jerked his chin at me in question. He smiled and turned back to Lily, and I looked down at Maggie. The small curve of her lips said she’d be right behind me.
I weaved my way through the bar and into the men’s restroom to scope it out with my pulse thumping. The stalls were empty, and there was just one guy at a urinal, so I washed my hands and walked out, leaned against the wall in the hallway and waited. He left, and another guy walked back.