“I’m sorry, Lily.”
She groaned and dropped her head back before taking a deep breath and letting it out slow. “Please tell me how the fuck this happened. From the beginning.” She hooked her arm in mine, and we started walking toward our building.
I took a deep breath of my own. I hadn’t told anyone besides Brooke, not a single soul. “Well, it all started on my wedding night.”
She stopped dead, and I stumbled backward. “What?” Her eyes bugged.
I blushed. “God, don’t make me say it again.”
“Are you serious?” She looked me over. “Oh, my God. You’re serious.”
I had no idea how to explain myself. “I don’t know how it happened. I was just so …”
Lily shook her head, fuming. “That son of a bitch took advantage of you. West is going to kill him.”
I shook my head, blustering. “No. Really, Lily — he didn’t take advantage. I wanted him. I needed him that night. I swear to you that he didn’t have to convince me of anything. He promised me nothing. But if West finds out … well, West can’t find out.”
Lily ran a hand across her forehead. “No, you’re right about that. I refuse to date a criminal.” She sighed again, the sound heavy, and we started walking again. “Come on. We have an hour before West comes home, and you’re about to tell me everything. If I’m going to keep this from him, there better be a damn good reason. And you’d better convince me that Cooper’s not using you, because if he is, I’m telling West tonight, consequences be damned.”
I nodded as we walked past the pizza counter. The smell normally made me salivate, but tonight, it only turned my stomach.
She watched me. “Do you need liquor or are you ready to spill the details?”
“Just promise me liquor at home and I’ll start now.”
“Deal. Start at the beginning. I think I can handle it this time.”
I thought back to that night, the first night, my worst night. “Do you have any idea how hard the reception was, Lily?” I asked softly.
She turned to look me in the eye. “I can’t even begin to imagine.”
“I was okay for a lot of it, just smiling through, you know? Don’t get me wrong — I wanted to have the reception — really. I felt like I needed it. Like I just wanted to throw that party and wear that dress and give Jimmy the big fuck-you. It was a good thing. But it was hard, Lily. It was so hard. And there was this moment when everyone else disappeared and I was alone for the first time since everything had fallen apart. I wasn’t ready for that, to deal with that. I was scared, and I was alone, and Cooper was right there.”
Lily didn’t say anything, so after a second, I kept going. “For that moment, in his arms, everything was fine. He was a diversion, a distraction. That night, he was everything I needed.”
“And then what happened?”
“The next morning he left, and I left, and I didn’t see him again until he picked me up at the airport.”
She paused, and I could almost hear her thinking. “Have you been together ever since?”
“Ever since Noir. Sneaking away from West and Patrick at the club wasn’t hard. Astrid left on her own. I went home with Cooper.”
“And what about Astrid? Is he banging her too?” Her voice was tight. “I never know what’s going on with the two of them, and neither of them will talk about it.”
“He says he’s not.”
“And you believe him? If he’s stepping out on my sister for West’s sister—”
“Lily, I believe him,” I said earnestly. “Astrid is seeing someone else, but it’s a secret … he’s, like, anti-media, so she and Cooper ‘date’ just as a cover so everyone would leave them alone.”
Lily frowned. “But why wouldn’t she have told me?”
“Sam is just so private, and apparently Astrid is really afraid she’ll lose him if anyone finds out. Even you.”
“I’m talking to her about this. I just don’t know if I believe it.”
“I’ve been having a hard time with it too. But I believe both of them,” I said as we reached our building. It was the truth.
Lily pulled open the door. “I don’t even know what to say, Maggie. I mean … Cooper? I don’t think he’s ever had a serious relationship, and he’s slept with every eligible woman in Manhattan — and most of Brooklyn. He’s literally the opposite of boyfriend material.”
We stepped inside and climbed the stairs. “Which is why I don’t consider him my boyfriend.”
“Cooper is Mr. M,” she said half to herself. “You’re having a no-strings affair with Cooper Moore. It seemed so much more relatable when it wasn’t him. But I guess if there was one man who it might be safe to say feelings wouldn’t be involved, it would be Cooper.”
“I have fun with him. It’s easy, aside from the whole sneaking around thing. He’s amazing in bed.”
She snickered as she dug in her bag for her keys. “I can’t say I’m surprised, but ugh. Is he really not seeing anyone else? I don’t think I’ve ever known him to only see one woman for any period of time, even Astrid. I mean, we all figured he was running around, but the fact that it’s you is just crazy.”
“I really don’t think he is. Lily — he deleted all of his hookup contacts the other day.”
She stopped in the hallway with her hand frozen in her bag. “No way.”
“I know. And he did it smiling, like it was no big deal at all.”
Lily blinked and shook her head, moving to unlock the door. “What in the world? Is this like a sign of the end times? Are we going to wake up tomorrow to zombie flu and flaming meteors?”
I chuckled and stepped into the apartment behind her. “He was trying to prove a point — that he was honoring the rules.”
“Ah, the rules.” She turned on the light and tossed her keys in the dish.
“I know everyone thinks they’re dumb, but they make me feel safe.”
She nodded, though I suspected she was keeping something to herself.
“There are only two weeks left before it’s over, but in the meantime, it’s a one day at a time kind of thing. I’m always free. He’s always free. I’m lonely, and so is he. So we keep each other company. It’s not all that complicated.”
Lily shot me a look as she walked into the kitchen. “Except for West.”
“Yes,” I conceded. “Except for West.”
Lily collected supplies for gin and tonics and set them on the table. “I just can’t believe that Cooper would do this to West, you know? That he would risk his friendship for a fling.”
I took a seat, feeling a hundred years old. “We’re not doing it to hurt West.”
“That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t still hurt him if he found out.”
“It’s another reason for the rules. Easier to hide it if it’s brief, you know?”
She shook her head and poured us each a drink. “I really don’t know what he would do. I don’t like to think he would turn his back on Cooper, but I can’t say that’s not a real possibility. He’d be hurt, Maggie. Really hurt. Like, ultimate betrayal of the bro code. Especially if it’s just for sport. But, if you two were serious …”
I picked up my glass and took a long drink. “I don’t have it in me to be serious about anyone right now. I need somebody, and Cooper is safe … ish.”
Lily guffed.
“No, but really. He’s familiar. I know him well enough to know what to expect. I know he’ll be careful with me because he loves West. It’s safer than Tinder, anyway.”
“Maybe.”
I gave her a look.
She rolled her eyes. “All right. Marginally.”
I looked down at my drink. “It just feels good to forget.”
Lily shook her head and took a drink. “I just cannot believe Mr. M is Cooper.” She sat up straighter. “Wait — tonight, when you both disappeared, did you …”
My cheeks were on fire. “Yeah. In the bathroom. West came in.”
Her jaw was on the table. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I dropped my head to my hands. “I know, Lily. I know! So, so stupid.”