“Why?” she asked simply.
“Because I don’t want to date Cooper. I don’t want to have feelings for him.”
“I feel like it may be too late for that.”
“I feel like maybe you’re right.” I felt panicky. “I should end it. I should end it now before it goes any further.” The thought of cutting it off made me feel sick. “It’s gone on long enough. One more week isn’t going to help anyone at this point.”
“Is that really what you want?” Rose asked.
I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I don’t know what I want. The timing is so bad.”
“Is it though?”
I paused. “The wedding was only three months ago.”
“But what does that have to do with anything?” Rose said it like all the answers were a straight line, simple and easy.
I stammered. “I … well, I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s responsible to jump into something yet, especially not with Cooper. This was supposed to just be for fun, no feelings. I thought it would be easy to keep it casual with him while I figure myself out. But the problem is that I haven’t figured anything out. I feel like I’m split in two. Before New York and After New York. Maggie with Jimmy and Maggie without Jimmy. Like the old me is a mirage. I don’t even know her anymore, but I don’t know the new me either.” My nose burned, and I sniffed to stave off the tears. “I’m a mess, see? A tangled-up mess. I cannot get involved with Cooper any deeper than I already am.”
Rose looked straight through me. “But what if he’s good for you?”
I looked at her like she’d sprouted an extra head.
“Hear me out.” She leaned forward. “Cooper wouldn’t be asking you on a weekend trip if he was only interested in a booty call. It’s too intimate. And if Cooper cares about you like that, then this is huge for him. What if he could be what you needed? What if he could give you all the things Jimmy couldn’t?”
“Maybe I could consider it if we were a year from now. It’s too soon.”
“Well, we’re not a year from now. We’re exactly where we are. Look, if you’re really not ready, then you’re not ready. But you want to be with him, and he makes you feel good, right?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly.
“Then I think the answer is much easier than you want to believe.” She sat back in her chair and brought her knee up. “I say go. Go and pretend like nothing before this weekend ever happened. Pretend just for the course of the trip, and if there’s something more to it, then you’ll know. If there’s not, then walk away.” She sighed. “There’s no set mourning period when you break up with someone. It takes however long it takes. Maybe moving here just sped up the process, and you’re more okay than you realize. Maybe you never really loved Jimmy at all. Maybe old Maggie and new Maggie are the same person. Maybe if you walk away from Cooper now, you miss an opportunity that you won’t have again.”
My eyes rested on a spot on the table. “Is it wrong to put Cooper through this if I end up walking away?”
“Do you think he’d miss the chance to find out?”
I thought about it for a moment before answering honestly. “No.”
She hung her arm on her knee, looking satisfied. “Then there it is. Just go. See what happens.”
I turned to Lily. “Do you think it’s possible that I’m whole enough to get into something so soon? What if I’m just rebounding?”
“I think you won’t know until you try. I also think if Cooper really cares about you, he’ll understand if you’re not ready.”
I didn’t respond, just considered it all. On paper, it looked ridiculous, me and Cooper. But in my heart, I knew it wasn’t as crazy as it seemed. “I’ve been talking myself out of Cooper for weeks, and now I’m trying to talk myself into him.”
Rose smirked. “I don’t think you need all that much convincing.”
I took a deep breath. “Go and pretend like nothing else happened. Just forget about everything else for thirty-six hours.” I shook my head. “I’ve been living in denial for long enough that I’m pretty sure ignoring my problems for a couple more days will be a piece of cake.”
Lily laughed.
“Leave the decisions for when you get back. Lily and I will be here on Sunday if you need to trip out. We’re excellent ledge talkers.”
“We’ll have bourbon, too,” Lily added.
I chuckled, feeling nervous and excited. “All right. I’m gonna do it.”
“Yeah, you are.” Rose said with a nod and a smile.
“I should pack and try to sleep.”
Lily sighed. “I’m so jealous you’re going sailing. It’s going to be amazing, Maggie.”
I smiled, my heart fluttering in my rib cage. “I hope so.”
FLY
Maggie
THE MORNING WAS BRIGHT AND golden, and my heart was full of promise and nerves as I walked down the dock with my duffle bag on my shoulder.
Fourth dock down, second slip on the left, the gate attendant had told me, and I counted them. I spotted Midnight Caller as she bobbed in the water, and a small but very loud part of my brain made its final plea to talk me out of the whole thing. I could walk away. It was the last chance.
But I took a breath and kept going, ready to leave life behind for a moment. Ready for what the weekend held in store.
The ship was a deep navy, the wooden deck stretching around the cabin to the bow. My eyes followed the ropes up the mast, and butterflies took off in my stomach, imagining what it would look like when the sails were raised. I stopped when I reached the boat, scanning the deck for Cooper. I found him kneeling in the cockpit — white shorts and deck shoes, navy sweater with white stripes, sleeves pushed up his forearms. My eyes lingered on his hands as he ran a rope through his fingers, that that little voice that had been so loud a moment before shut up mid-sentence.
I shifted and hung a hand on my hip, smiling. “Well, hello there, sailor.”
He looked up, and that crooked smile of his lit up his face as he stood and extended a hand. I took it to steady myself as I stepped into the boat, and he pulled me into him the second my feet hit the deck.
“Morning,” he said, his lips inches from mine.
“Morning,” I breathed.
“Are you ready for this?”
Anxiety blew through my chest, flipping my heart around. “I think so.”
He gave me a kiss and took my bag. “Then let me show you around so we can get going.”
My cheeks flushed, and I looked over the deck again. “This is so amazing, Cooper.”
“Glad you approve.” He took my hand, and we stepped into the space where the wheel and benches were. “This is the cockpit, where we’ll be most of the day. Come on down and I’ll show you the cabin.”
We climbed below deck, and I glanced around, taking everything in. The space was all dark wood, granite counters, dark leather seats. Art hung on the walls, and the table was littered with sea charts and compasses. It looked comfortable, livable, rich.
Cooper waved a hand across the room, smiling. “Welcome aboard.”
I shook my head, amazed. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. You could actually live on this boat.”
He smiled and walked through the main room. “So this is the galley,” he said as he gestured to the fancy, stainless steel kitchen, “and back here are the extra bedrooms.” I followed him down a narrow hallway, and he opened another door. “Here’s the head, and back here is the master bedroom.”
The room was almost entirely bed, but there were nightstands and lamps, a small walk-in closet, and a standing shower with sleek tile and a glass door. He set my bag down on the bed.