I smiled up at him. “I’m sure. Thank you, Cooper. For everything.”
“Don’t thank me. This won’t be the last time. Maybe we can take a week or two this summer, just you and me and the Hamptons.”
I sighed, imagining we were back there already. “That sounds glorious.”
He smiled. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Absolutely. I’ll come by after work.”
“Seems like a million years from now, after having you all to myself.” He kissed me sweetly.
A big part of me didn’t want to leave his side for even a minute. “I know. I’ll text you, okay? And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“All right.” Cooper helped me out of the boat and handed me my bag, then stepped onto the pier. He threaded his fingers through mine before kissing me once more. “Be careful. I’ll talk to you later.”
I hesitated, almost afraid to leave. Like the minute I walked off the dock, the magic would disappear. But I tried to have faith. As scared as I was, I had to trust that we would be all right. That everything would work out.
I smiled, looking forward to that time as I stretched up on my tiptoes to wind my arms around Cooper’s neck and kiss him deep. He picked me up, and my sneakers dangled off the ground.
I broke away, smiling at his lips.
“Tomorrow.”
His lips brushed mine once more. “Tomorrow.”
He set me down, and I turned to leave, looking back over my shoulder at him. He stood on the dock with his hands in his pockets and the most brilliant smile on his face, watching me as I walked away.
My heart skipped as I walked out of the marina and toward the train station. But when I turned on my phone and it connected for the first time since the morning before, my notifications went nuts. Texts rolled in, piled on top of each other, and I pulled them open, wondering what the hell was going on.
West: Hope your date is nice and that you have a good reason from hiding him from me. Text me if he turns into a creep.
Lily: Dude, a package came for you like five seconds after you left.
There was a picture of a box sitting on our kitchen table. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk when I saw the hand addressed label.
It was from Jimmy. I held my breath as I scrolled through her texts.
Lily: WTF could Jimmy have sent you? Rose and I are dying. Tell me I can open it.
Lily: Just kidding, that was really forward, but text me and freak out with me.
Lily: Okay, you’re obviously super busy getting your junk rocked, but Rose and I have been staring at this for twelve hours and we’re dying.
Lily: Do you guys really have zero service? This is balls!
Jimmy: Hey. I sent you something, my tracking says it was delivered yesterday. Let me know if you got it and call me, if you want. I’m around.
I felt like hurling as I picked up my feet and pulled up Lily’s messages. Just got back. On my way.
My phone dinged within seconds. THANK GOD. I hope it was amazing. Hurry up.
My mind spun around in circles, and I headed down the stairs of the subway station, through the turnstile, and stepped onto the train. The tables had turned, tilting my world sideways. New Maggie was nowhere to be found — Old Maggie had taken her place and found herself sitting scared and alone on the train, wondering how she’d gotten there.
I barreled out of the 86th St. station and to our building, up the stairs and into the apartment. The door opened with a whoosh that sucked all of the air out of the room. Lily and Rose sat at the table, their faces turned to mine. No one spoke.
All I saw was that box.
Inside that box was everything I was trying to forget.
I dropped my bag and stepped toward the table in slow motion, picked up the scissors and sliced through the seam, through my name on the label, splitting it in half. My eyes locked on the dark crack, not wanting to know what was inside and knowing I couldn’t avoid it. Not anymore.
I took a breath and opened the box with trembling hands.
It was like a time capsule straight out of my past. Jimmy had assembled the package with care, choosing things that he knew I would understand, that would remind me. Our prom picture. A photo of us at a football game, me in my cheerleader uniform and him a sweaty, smiling, hulking mess, football helmet in hand, our smiles bright and carefree. Movie ticket stubs. A velvet box full of dried rose petals. A picture of us in the Bahamas after he asked me to marry him. And when I picked that up, what lay beneath stopped my heart.
I knew that black satin box. I knew what was inside without looking, but I picked it up anyway with quaking hands, the hinges squeaking softly when I opened it. The light caught the two-carat diamond inside, the ring I’d worn every day for a year until the day when I was supposed to wear it forever.
I closed the box with a snap, my fingers numb as I picked up the letter in the bottom of the cardboard box with my name on the front. I opened the envelope and unfolded the paper inside, sinking into a chair as I read.
Maggie —
These months without you have been the worst of my life. I found all of this in our closet, the box full of our memories, and it was too much. I’ve been giving you space, but I can’t stay quiet anymore.
Tell me what I have to do to get you back. Tell me what to say. I love you, and I always have. Come home, Maggie. Because my life doesn’t make sense without you in it.
—Jimmy
Tears spilled down my cheeks, hot and fat, so fast I could barely see. I closed my eyes, ribs aching as I dragged in a skipping breath, letting it out with a sob. And my past rushed back to me, overwhelming me. It wasn’t what was in the box. It was the deluge of my memories, the ghost come back to haunt me. To push me over the edge.
“Oh, God, Maggie,” Lily whispered and reached for me.
I shook my head, hands clasped over my mouth. Beaten. Broken. My eyes found the picture from the football game again, what felt like a million years ago and yesterday. We looked so happy. I thought we were happy.
Everything about him was constructed, manufactured to make me feel safe and wanted, and it was all a lie. I didn’t believe that he cared about anyone but himself. But for years, for my entire adult life and even before, Jimmy was all I’d ever known.
The memory of him, of seven years of loving him — it all crashed into me.
Everything I’d been hiding from, everything I’d been running from had found me.
I couldn’t breathe, though the tears still fell, my heart beating so hard in my chest that I felt like I’d been shot. My fingers tingled, black spots swimming in my vision.
Rose turned my chair. “Maggie? Breathe, Maggie.”
I tried. I tried to slow down, closed my eyes and held my lungs still, but they sucked in another frantic breath, sobs shuddering through me until the black spots spread.
And then they were gone.
GRAVITY
Maggie
THE CHILDREN’S FACES WERE TURNED up to mine, eyes full of hope and wonder as I read to them the next morning, feeling like I’d been hit by a steam roller. Which was to say that I felt nothing. I was stretched out and flattened.
Numb.
I’d opened my eyes after passing out the night before to find Lily and Rose leaning over me¸ looking terrified. And the tears fell. They fell in the shower, mingling with the scalding water that beat down on me like a fiery baptism. They slipped down my cheeks and into my ears, onto my pillow as I lay in bed, alone.