“Tell me what you need, Maggie,” I whispered.
But she didn’t answer, just reached for me, closed the distance between us as she drew in a breath and pressed her lips to mine.
That kiss told me she needed me. And there was nothing left to do but give myself to her.
So I wrapped her in my arms as if they could save her, kissed her as if I could replace her pain with my love.
My hands roamed down her back, and I picked her up, carried her to my bedroom and laid her down, our lips never parting. Her hands scrambled for the hem of my shirt and peeled it off, and I did the same, unhooking her bra and tossing it away. I looked down at her stretched out on my bed, laid my hand on the flat of her stomach and dragged it down to the button of her jeans.
I unzipped them. I peeled them off. My hungry eyes roamed her shivering body, down to her panties, soaked from the rain, transparent.
“Please, don’t stop,” she begged.
I couldn’t deny her. I kicked off my pants and underwear, stripped off her panties and crawled up her naked body, my hot skin against her cold, dragging my lips up her stomach, her breasts, her neck. My knee slipped between her thighs, and the moment I lay against her, the shivering stopped. She wrapped herself around me as I flexed my hips, pressing her into the bed, my lips against hers demanding and accepting, giving and taking.
She trailed her hands around to my ass, dragged her nails across my skin, around my hips.
“Please,” she breathed, her eyes sparking with emotion.
I met her urgent mouth as she pulled me into her, rolling her hips. I knew what she wanted — I wanted the same — and I shifted, resting my crown at the very edge of her. When I flexed, I couldn’t breathe, just looked into her eyes, slipping in slowly until there was no space between us.
Her eyes closed with a sigh as I pulled out and slammed back in. She reached for me, pulled me down to meet her lips. And I kissed her, and she kissed me, with frantic breath and a broken heart. I felt everything — her heart, her body — and I took her and gave myself to her, claimed her and surrendered to her with every motion.
Her breath quickened, her body flexed, and then she came with a gasp, pink lips stretched, brows drawn, eyes pinned shut. I was right behind her, my hand gripping her thigh as I thrust into her again.
I buried my face in her neck as she wrapped her arms around mine, wishing I could stay just like that forever.
Her breath hitched, and I pulled away to find her crying. My hands were in her hair, my eyes searching her face, my heart aching in my chest.
“Don’t cry. Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
I thumbed her cheek. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Maggie. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I shouldn’t be here.” She looked away.
“Why?” I moved her face to look at me again.
“Because this isn’t fair to you.”
“I don’t care. You needed me.”
She shook her head. “I needed your help. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
A tingle worked down my neck. “Do you regret it?”
She didn’t answer.
“Do you regret me? Answer me, Maggie.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her voice broke.
I rolled off of her, heart on fire as I picked up my pants and pulled them on, whirling around to face her. “You said you needed time, and I told you take it. I told you I’d be here for you, and I will. But I didn’t ask for this. You came here. You took what you wanted, and right now you’re looking at me like you’re ashamed of me, of us.” My muscles trembled, tense and taught. “You’re killing me, Maggie, and I can’t pretend that everything’s fine. Not right now. Not after that. I love you, can’t you see that? I love you and I need you. But I refuse to just be another mistake you’ve made.”
Her cheeks were red, lips flat as she blew out of bed and snatched her jeans off the ground. “You don’t love me.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel.”
Her face was hard when she turned around. “Everyone knows you don’t fall in love, Cooper … that was the whole point. It was the only reason why I agreed to this in the first place — you don’t feel. That was why this was supposed to work. No feelings. No strings. What happened to that?”
“Don’t throw that at me, Maggie. Don’t hide behind some bullshit rules that you invented to make yourself feel better for wanting me.”
“Screw you, Cooper.” She pulled on her pants and snatched up her clothes.
I stepped toward her, chin down. “I know you’re afraid of me, of this. You’re lying to yourself, and you’re lying to me. You want me just as much as I want you.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel.” She threw my words back at me and stormed out of the room, pulling on her shirt and shoes as I followed her through my apartment.
No way was I letting her walk away that easy. “Do you think this is some sort of game to me?”
She kept walking. “Track record, Cooper.”
“And you honestly believe that I put you and them in the same category? That I feel for you what I feel for them?”
She reached the front door and turned on me, face hard, eyes steely. “How the hell should I know? I’m just another girl in a long line of girls. You can tell me I’m different until the end of time, and I don’t know if I’ll ever believe you. You don’t love me. You don’t love anyone but yourself.” She shook her head at me. “This was a mistake. The whole thing was a mistake, and I should have known better.”
There it was. The truth. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak as bitter cold blew through me. I watched her for a moment, trying to breathe. There was nothing left to say.
I swallowed hard. “You should go. Bobby’s downstairs — he’ll take you home.”
She watched me, emotion passing across her face. “Cooper—”
“Just go, Maggie. You said it yourself. I’m just a bad decision you made. A mistake. A distraction. I don’t mean anything to you, so just fucking go.” I opened the door.
She took a breath and stepped into the entryway. I closed the door just as she looked back over her shoulder.
My hands trembled as I walked back into my apartment, paced from one end to the other with my mind spinning so fast, I couldn’t catch a single thought.
She didn’t trust me. She didn’t believe me.
I didn’t know how it was possible after everything, after all the change in my heart and mind and life. I couldn’t comprehend how she didn’t see it. How something that was so true to me could be lost on her, the one person who I needed to understand.
She had changed me on the molecular level, and she had no idea.
In my entire life, she was the one thing that I was certain of, and I’d do anything to keep her. She was scared and confused, but I wasn’t. I knew exactly what I wanted, and it was her.
I would spend the rest of my life trying to convince her that I wasn’t a mistake at all. I’d convince her that she was the only girl in that line of girls. I’d convince her that I loved her far more than I could ever love myself.
I had to tell her. I picked up my phone, pulling up her contact before I realized her phone was missing.
“Fuck.” I muttered and paced back through the room. Bobby. I pulled up his contact and called.
“Hey, Coop,” he answered.
“Is she with you?”
“No, I’m still outside,” he said, confused. “She never came down.”
I ran a hand over my face, wondering where she’d gone. “I’ll be right down.”
Seconds later I was headed out the door. The doorman said he put her in a cab and sent her home, and I thanked him before trotting through the lobby and out the back door. And then we drove to her as I stared out the window, thinking of all the things I needed to say, hoping I wouldn’t find West there.
I wasn’t afraid of him.
I wasn’t afraid of anything but losing her.
Maggie