The tears didn’t stop in the elevator or as I climbed into a cab, not as I rode through the park with the sky on fire as the sun set. I’d stopped trying to wipe them away. More always came.
What have I done?
It was the question that rolled through my mind in a loop.
I shouldn’t have gone there, not in the state I was in. I shouldn’t have slept with him, but in his arms, I was safe, even if just for a moment. It was a mistake, but not like it sounded. It was a mistake because I’d hurt him.
He told me he loved me. He said it with his voice tight from his pain, his face bent in emotion. He said the words, and I threw them back at him.
I pushed him away because he was right. I hurt him because I was afraid.
Fucked up. Broken. Smashed. I couldn’t be trusted with his heart. I couldn’t even be trusted with mine.
The cab stopped in front of my building, and I paid him, thanking him quietly before climbing out. I walked to the building feeling like my world had stopped turning, though everyone else went about as if things were fine, normal. I climbed the stairs and knocked on my door.
Lily answered, and her face fell when she saw me. She pulled me into the apartment.
“Maggie, what happened?” She looked me over. “Where’s your stuff? Why are you wet?”
“I …” I squeaked.
West stood when he saw me, flew across the room, held me by the arms and ducked down to look me in the eye. “What happened, Mags? Are you all right?”
I nodded, but my face twisted as I tried to hold in a sob, any composure I had gone. He tucked me into his chest, and I felt Lily’s hand on my back.
“Where are your things?” he asked gently.
I took a breath as hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “They went missing at work.”
His body tensed. “Someone stole them? Dammit, I knew that job was going to be dangerous for you.”
Lily’s voice was soft. “Not now, West.”
He let out a breath and squeezed me tighter. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m sorry this happened.”
I looked over at Lily, feeling her questions. I gave her the slightest nod, and she closed her eyes for a brief moment.
“How did you get home?” West asked and let me go.
“I walked.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” His dark brow was low, and he shook his head.
“Because I knew you’d lose your mind.”
“You make me sound like a tyrant.”
I gave him a look.
His face softened with his voice. “If you need me, call me. Don’t walk home again with no money, no phone.”
Someone knocked on the door, and shock shot through me as I spun around, staring at it like it might explode. It was him. I knew it, and when Lily looked at me, I knew she knew too. Her eyes darted to West before she walked to the door and pulled it open.
Cooper was a burning man, the pain on his face unmistakable. His eyes found mine, and my heart stopped dead.
“Cooper?” West asked, confused. “What’s up, man?”
But his eyes were on me, and mine were on him. I shook my head.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
West looked down at me. “Talk about what? What’s going on?”
“You shouldn’t have come here.” My voice trembled. Our eyes were still locked as panic rolled through me.
“Please. You have to hear me out.”
The tears were back, burning my eyes. “You told me to leave, so I did.”
“I was wrong.” He walked into the room and toward me like nothing could stop him.
But there was one thing that could. West stepped in front of me, cutting Cooper off. Lily flanked West, eyes wide and bouncing between the two men.
West’s jaw was set. “I said, what the fuck is going on?”
Cooper finally looked away from me. “I need to talk to Maggie.”
West folded his arms across his chest. “What about?”
“Let it go, West.” He looked to me. “Come with me, please.”
His shoulders were square, body tight. “She’s not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell this is all about.”
Cooper’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not your decision to make.”
Lily touched West’s arm. “Guys—”
The tension crackled between Cooper and West, and I was the only one who could defuse it. I had to defuse it. I put out a hand and stepped forward. “Stop it, both of you. I’ll come with you, Cooper.”
West glared at me. “Why?”
Cooper shook his head and tried to step around. “Jesus, West. Just let her go. She’s a grown woman.”
My eyes were full of tears, and West turned on Cooper, laying a heavy hand on his chest, his voice low and full of warning. “What did you do to her?”
Cooper’s voice edged on frantic. “How do you know it was me who hurt her and not the other way around?”
“Are you …” West looked at me, confusion flickering across his face. “No. You two aren’t …” He looked back at Cooper, muttering, “You fucking wouldn’t. You’d never …”
Cooper shook his head, eyes open and honest, brow bent. “I love her, West,” he said as if the words would absolve him, save him.
My heart broke. West’s calm broke. Everything happened fast and slow somehow. The flash of West’s arm as he cocked a fist and released it like a spring. The flash of blood on Cooper’s face. The flash of Lily’s hair as she ran to get between them. And through it all, I couldn’t move, just stood rooted to the spot, watching it all happen.
West strained against Lily, who put all her weight into his chest. “Fuck you, Cooper, you son of a bitch. I can’t fucking believe that you would do this. This one fucking thing I told you never to do. One thing. Get out. Get the fuck out, or I swear to God, I will bury you.”
Lily glanced frantically over her shoulder. “Cooper, go. You shouldn’t have come, not like this.”
But Cooper was watching me, his eyes burning with anguish, chest heaving and nose bloodied. “You have to know how I feel about you. I’ve only ever told you the truth. I’ve been trying to prove myself to you every day — prove to you that you can trust me. That I won’t hurt you. Time is the last thing I want to give you, but I will because that’s what you need, because that’s what you asked me for. If fighting for you means that I have to stay away, then I’ll leave. But don’t question my feelings for you. Don’t ever question that.” His voice faltered.
I wanted to run to him. I wanted to run away from him. But I couldn’t bring my feet to move.
He looked back to West. “I would never do anything to betray you, and you know it, West. You know that.” His eyes found mine again. “Don’t let this be the end, Maggie.”
“Go, Cooper. Now.” West growled, fists clenched at his side.
“I’m sorry,” he said to both of us.
“I don’t want to fucking hear it.”
Cooper’s jaw flexed, and he nodded, looking to me once more for a moment that seemed to stretch on longer than it was. And then he turned and walked out the door.
West spun around, turning his fury on me. “What the fuck, Maggie? Why? Why Cooper? You had all of New York to choose from, and you picked the one guy who we all knew you couldn’t trust. Fucking Cooper.”
I took a breath to speak, but West closed his eyes, waved a hand as he turned away.
“You know what? I don’t even want to know.” He stepped toward the door and muttered, “I’ve got to get out of here.”
Lily touched his arm, but he shook her off.
“You knew about this, didn’t you?”
She opened her mouth, the apology on her face clear. He stopped her before she spoke.
“You did. Goddammit, Lily. Goddammit.” He shook his head at us, hurt. Betrayed. And then he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
Lily turned to me with tears in her eyes. “Fuck.” She said under her breath. “Why did he come here? What happened?”
I took a shuddering breath and tried to explain. “My bag was stolen, and I had nothing. I couldn’t call West, you know? So I went to Cooper’s, and … I … I said some horrible things to him and then he told me to leave, so I did,” I rambled, the tears falling again.