“I said some horrible things to him. Cruel and horrible things. I don’t know if he even wants me anymore, not after the way I treated him. I fucked it up. He’s probably already got a new girl, anyway. She’s probably a supermodel with mile long legs who can make up her mind and doesn’t treat him like shit.”
“He told you he’d be waiting. I doubt he bagged the idea in a week.”
My chest ached. “I’ve just been such an ass. Doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean to, you know?”
“I’d be more worried about the rest of it. I mean, he was begging you to believe him. To trust him.”
“But that’s the whole thing, Brooke. I did. I do. I said all that because I was hurt. Because I was afraid that it was true, you know? My head telling me not to listen to my heart. But now I know — that’s the difference between Cooper and Jimmy. Everything Cooper did was to prove to me that he was serious. That what I wanted or needed was more important than his feelings. Jimmy only cared about himself. Cooper only cared about me.”
She watched me for a moment. “You need to tell him that.”
I sighed. “I know. But I don’t want to fuck up again or hurt him anymore. I need to make sure I’m ready.”
“But that’s the thing about love. You’re not always certain. You’re not always ready. I mean, that’s what I’ve heard at least. I don’t have Billionaire myself.”
I chuckled and bit off a piece of my cone.
“Well,” she said as she tore the paper wrapper around her cone and angled it for a bite, “I think you should call him. You can’t hide forever.”
“Why not?”
She rolled her eyes and swallowed. “Because that’s weak as hell, and you’re better than that.”
“Am I? Because it seems to me that the only way I know to deal with real problems is to run away.”
“You faced Jimmy.”
“And Courtney too, that slag.”
“Fuck that bitch. I hope she gets vagina rot.”
“Gross, Brooke.”
She smiled. “Okay, treatable vagina rot. Better?”
I laughed and sighed, licking that ice cream like it was the last I’d ever have. It was seriously so good, it did things to my girly parts. “This ice cream really is like Cooper. Sexy and rich, so good that you’re sure you’ll never have anything as good. Like, if I came here every day and got ice cream, I’d probably always choose this one. Because why take a risk on Raspberry Chip when you can have Billionaire?”
She nodded. “Mine really isn’t all that great. I’m almost positive I don’t look like I’m having an orgasm every time I take a bite.”
I took another bite. “It really is so good.”
She extended her hand. “Gimme.”
I passed it over and she took a lick. Her face fell. “Motherfucker. I should have gotten some Billionaire too. God knows this as close as I’ll ever get to the real thing.” She took another bite.
“Hey.” I reached for it.
She swatted my hand away. “Greedy. Share.”
I giggled. “Get your own.”
She handed it back over with a sigh. “So if you had fifty flavors to choose from, you’d choose this one every time?”
I shifted in my seat, not wanting to answer. “Are we still talking about ice cream?”
She gave me a look.
“I can’t imagine picking anything but the Billionaire.”
“Well, then there you go. Pick the Billionaire. Get fat on all of his dark chocolatey goodness.”
I thought about calling him, and my heart bungee jumped into my shoes. “I’ve just got to be sure this time. I can’t play games with his heart.”
“You should have known from the start.” She sang it and made boy band hand gestures.
I snickered. “Seriously, though. I feel like my life’s a shirt that’s buttoned wrong. I’ve got to fix it before I go back to him. I turned into a monster and pushed him away. I just shut him down and ran.”
She gasped melodramatically. “Man, who knew you were such a coldhearted bitch.”
“I really am.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be dumb. You got your heart smashed to bits and lit on fire and thrown off a cliff. So you acted like a dick. You didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t even realize you were doing it until, like, yesterday. You screwed up, so just fix it.”
“I don’t know how to fix this, Brooke.”
“Well, I feel eating ice cream is step one. And then you need to grab hold of your ladynuts and call him.”
“I can’t reach my ovaries from here.”
She gave me a flat look. “Grab your metaphorical ovaries and call him, you wuss. What are you afraid of?”
“Everything.”
“Do you feel like it could be worse than what you’ve already been through?”
I thought about it, considered all I’d been through, everything I’d learned. “No.”
“Then stop thinking about it and just jump.”
“You make it sound so easy.” I smiled. “Can I just carry you around in my pocket to pump me up when I doubt myself?”
“Hell yeah, you can. I’ll be the best Polly Pocket in the world, especially if you pack me with booze.”
I laughed.
“Everybody knows I give my best advice when I’m drunk. And anyway, you already do carry me around in your pocket. You can always call me, whenever you need.”
“You should have been my maid of honor, you know.”
“Uh, obviously. I’ve been telling you that ever since always. I will forever stand by the notion that a pact you made with Courtney when you were nine doesn’t count.”
“I mean, to be fair, she was basically the worst maid of honor to ever walk the Earth, so the bar was pretty low.”
“Also true. But I still would have crushed it.” She took a bite of ice cream, and I just watched her, my heart full of gratitude.
“I love you, Brookie. Thank you. For everything.”
She reached for my hand, smiling. “You’re welcome, Mags. Now deep throat that Billionaire before I do.”
Cooper
“I don’t know what else to do but wait, Astrid.”
She nodded and picked up her wine. We hadn’t been on one of our regular dates in a week — I’d barely spoken to her or anyone else, for that matter.
It felt good to tell her everything, like a confession. The relief that comes with sharing your burden with someone else, someone who cares.
“You haven’t talked to her at all?”
“Not since I called her last week. I have to believe that she’ll come back to me. She needs to work herself out, if she can. So I told her I’d wait.”
“You’re not going to get in touch with her at all? Just sit here on your hands? That doesn’t sound like you.”
I smirked. “I have a plan. There are things I need her to know, so I overnighted her something this morning. If I don’t hear from her, I have a Plan B, C, D. I’ll give her time, but I won’t let her go.”
“This is crazy, Coop. You really love her. When did this really happen?” She picked up her fork and fished around on her plate.
“I think it’s been coming for weeks. But when we left everything in the city behind us, I saw the possibility. I saw what we could be, and I realized I want that. I want her, all of her — even the broken parts. Because I can put her back together.”
Astrid’s fork was still, her eyes wide. “Wow.”
“Yeah, I know.” I leaned back in my chair and took a sip of scotch. “There’s more.”
“More than your undying love?”
“I went to my dad’s office today and asked him for a job.”
She dropped her fork, and the people sitting next to us glanced over. Her mouth was hanging open.
“Oh, come on. That can’t be that big of a surprise.”
“Cooper Moore, model, playboy, one of New York’s most eligible bachelors—”
“That’s a national nomination, just so you know.”
She shook her head, gaping at me. “A job? At your father’s company? I mean … are you sick? Had a fever lately? Travel to any third world countries or low-end whorehouses or anything?”