“Hi. How are you?”
“Fine. Come in.”
There is a bowl of crocuses blooming on the little table next to the closet she hangs his coat in.
“The last time I saw you you were sick,” he says.
She gives the half-smile again. “Yeah. And I thought I felt bad that day.”
“What’s the matter … now?”
“Come in,” she says. They walk down the short hallway to the living room. There is a mattress on the floor, covered with a yellow Indian bedspread. There are no curtains. There is a sofa, and a small rug in front of it. There are plants in the windows. There is a stereo playing.
“I’m sorry not to act nicer,” she says. “I’m glad to see you.”
He doesn’t know what to say. He stares. She looks the same, but she’s plucked her eyebrows. They’re thin arches now. Her eyes look much larger. He stares into them.
“I don’t know where to begin,” he says.
She smiles.
“Coming in, I started remembering that dessert you used to make with the chocolate and the oranges, and I thought about begging you to make it immediately.”
“Oh. I know the one you mean. You can come over sometime and I’ll make it for you.”
Sometime? What is she talking about?
“Tomorrow?” he says.
“Tomorrow? I guess so. If you want to,” she says.
The conversation has started all wrong. She is sitting on the mattress, her back against the wall. He sits down at the end of the mattress, looking up at her.
“You’ve got a roommate?” he says.
“Yes. She’s at the library. She’s in graduate school.”
“Oh. Well, what are … what are you doing?”
“Looking frantically for work.”
“Why don’t you come back to the library?”
“I don’t want to,” she says.
“Are you looking for another job like that?”
“I wouldn’t care. I’ve just got to get a job.”
“Sam’s out of work. You remember Sam?”
“Of course I do.”
Of course she would.
“That’s too bad,” she says. “Does he get unemployment, or.…”
“Yeah. He gets that. He’s over at my place now.”
“That’s nice,” she says.
“Are you okay?” he says.
She can’t be. The half-smile has become frozen on her face now.
“No, I’m not very happy, if that’s what you mean. I didn’t want to leave Rebecca.”
“Why did you?” he says.
“I didn’t, really. Jim told me, well, I don’t remember the exact way he told me, but he wanted to live alone. I thought it would be better for me to go than to have Rebecca living in a new place, maybe having to leave her school,”
“Why did he want to live alone?”
“How should I know? We didn’t talk.”
“You didn’t?”
“You’re so curious,” she says. She gives him a half-smile.
“I love you. I want to know what’s going on.”
“I can’t tell you. I don’t know myself. He told me that one night, and the next morning I explained as best I could to Rebecca, and I left. Frances let me stay with her, until I can find work.”
“You can stay with me.”
“No. I just want to think things out for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“That I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even know if I’ll stay around here. I only would for Rebecca, but now I hear that he’s going to move.”
“Couldn’t you stay with me until you found out?”
“No,” she says.
“Why not?”
“Because I want to be by myself.”
“Frances lives here, though.”
“That’s the same as being by myself. She doesn’t make any demands on me.”
“I never made demands on you, did I?”
“People always make demands on other people.”
“What did I do wrong?”
“I wasn’t saying you did anything wrong. You were very nice to me. I didn’t start this conversation.”
“Laura, you’re talking funny. I can’t understand you.”
“You don’t want to understand me.”
“I don’t want to, but I think I do. You’re saying that you don’t intend to come back to me.”
“Not right now, no.”
The dizzy feeling comes back. He is very glad that he didn’t finish the second beer.
“But you will come back? You just want time to think? Time to think about what?”
“Charles, what are you talking about? I just said that I had to have time to think about where I would work and live.”
“With me.”
“I don’t want to live with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want to be on my own. I don’t want anyone dependent upon me, and I don’t want to have to depend on anybody else. I just want to …”
“Laura, you’ve got to come back. We don’t have to live in my house. I was going to tell you we’d sell it and that you can pick out some place you’d like to live.”
“You really are crazy about me, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am.”
“That makes me feel awful. It’s not that I don’t like you …”
Like!
“But I don’t want to get into anything like that right now.”
“Laura, you love me! If you hadn’t loved me, you wouldn’t have gotten out of bed when you had the flu to tell me you couldn’t meet me. Don’t you even know that you love me? Remember the mobile I gave you?”
“The mobile?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“Yes. I remember it. But I don’t know why you brought it up.”
“I don’t either. I was just thinking about the other apartment”
“Would you like some tea or coffee? Or scotch?”
“No! I want you! I want you to be sensible. I love you.”
“I know that There’s nothing I can do about it. I didn’t call you, you got my number and called me.”
“You mean you never would have called?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you think?”
“I just don’t know. I do think about you.” Think about!
“You love me! This is the craziest thing imaginable. You love me and don’t even know it. Don’t you remember in the other apartment, how we ate dinner together and went to the movies and …”
“I remember it perfectly. It was very nice. It was peaceful.”
“Then move in with me. Or we’ll both find some place to move into. What’s happened between then and now?
Laura shrugs.
“Somebody else?”
“Nobody I’m serious about.”
“Who, Laura?”
“I went out with somebody a couple of times. I don’t even know why I mentioned it, since it’s not what happened between then and now.”
“Who?”
“A taxi driver,” she says. “I went out with him for a couple of drinks.”
“Two times?”
“Yes. Two.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes. That’s all.”
“Where did you meet a taxi driver, Laura?”
“In his taxi.”
“You’re kidding! He picked you up?”
“I don’t want to get into an argument. I’m feeling very low. I did not call you because I knew I could not cope with you. I am very fond of you. I remember the mobile, and I will cook you that soufflé tomorrow night. I want you to go home.”
“No! I can’t leave you like that. Shit, Laura. I never bothered you when you went back. I called once. I didn’t even call again after you said you’d call and you didn’t. I just drove around your goddamn house at night, looking at the lights. I can’t concentrate at work. I can’t stand the thought of dating other women. I hate other women. The only woman I can even stand the sight of is my sister. Cut this out! Come back with me. What is there for you here?”