“An’ Toby hates her,” said Danny.
May sighed. “Danny. Don’t explain the joke.”
“Sorry.” He turned off Valencia, heading for the freeway. “Muir Woods is about an hour away.”
“That gives Tybalt time to notify the cats and get to Shadowed Hills so Sylvester can start mobilizing the troops,” I said. Muir Woods was close to the ocean, with a beach technically inside the boundaries of the park. I was assuming the Undersea would come largely via the water, which meant they never had to set foot, fin, or tentacle on land that belonged to the Queen. Sylvester could get his people there, and Marcia and the others from Goldengreen who couldn’t swim but didn’t want to stay there could take their cars. We were going to be on time.
Too many of my allies were scattered, unprotected, around the Bay Area: I knew that, even as I knew that there was no way to call them all to safety, and no safety to call them to if we tried. Walther would be better off on campus, far away from fights of succession. Mitch, Stacy, and the kids would be safer at home. April O’Leary couldn’t move without the necessary hardware, and Li Qin Zhou was just as likely to kill me with her luck as she was to save me. The Luidaeg might have been able to help us . . . but then again, she might not. Rayseline Torquill had proven that the last time the Luidaeg tried to get involved in person. She couldn’t raise a hand against any descendant of Titania, and that included at least half the Queen’s guards.
So no. This wasn’t everyone I could have called, but in this instance at least, it was everyone I should have called. My stomach rumbled. I stuck one of my freshly-bandaged hands into my pocket and pulled out the baggie of blood gems from Walther, trying not to think about how few were left.
May followed my gaze to the baggie, and said, “I have a suggestion, but you’re not going to like it.”
“Those words are right so much of the time that it makes my teeth itch just hearing them.” I looked away from the too-tempting chunks of frozen plasma and met the pale gray eyes of my Fetch. It occurred to me that my eyes were darker than hers for the first time. What a funny world we lived in. “What is it?”
“Goblin fruit isn’t hard to find right now. Maybe if you had a little . . .”
“May!” I stared at her. “I can’t believe you’d even suggest that.”
“Toby, addiction isn’t a personal failing. It’s a thing that happens, sometimes because you made a mistake, sometimes because of, you know. Evil pie.” She made a pie-tossing gesture. I scowled. She sighed. “You know I’m right. I mean, this is the longest you’ve gone without coffee since you discovered its existence. If it weren’t for the goblin fruit, I’d expect you to be climbing the walls over caffeine withdrawal. And if you can’t even kick coffee cold turkey, why should you think that’s the right way of dealing with something a hundred times more addictive?”
“Maybe because goblin fruit messes me up so badly that I’m useless? I need to be able to take care of the situation, not just lie around watching pink elephants dance around the room.”
May shrugged. “That’s why you should just have a little bit. Just enough to calm your body down for a while, but not enough to make you start hallucinating. We don’t have to do this for long, right? We’re fixing things.”
What she was saying made sense, and I hated it. I hated it right down to the bones of me. Most of all, I hated how much I wanted to give in.
“I—”
“She’s right,” said Arden. I looked past May to find her watching me, a serious expression on her face. “If you’re starting to get shaky from goblin fruit withdrawal, you need to have some. Otherwise, you’re going to wind up useless to me, and I’m sorry, but I can’t allow that.” My shock must have shown, because she smiled. “You said you wanted me to be your new Queen. Well, that means you have to listen to me. As your Crown Princess and presumptive regent, I am ordering you to have some goblin fruit.”
“Look, even if we had some here—which we don’t—you don’t know what it’s like,” I said. “You can’t know. You’re not a changeling.”
“I can’t know what it’s like for you, but I do know what it’s like. Being a Princess doesn’t make you immune to temptation, especially when you’re a Princess in exile in your own country, and you’re too scared to run because running would change everything, would start something you’re not sure you’re ready to finish . . .” Arden shook her head. “Father hated the stuff—he said it was cheap and unfair—but I was lonely and scared, and I knew better than to play around with mortal drugs. So I got some goblin fruit. And you know what? It helped. I don’t really remember most of the ’60s . . .”
“Neither does anyone else,” said Danny.
“Not helping,” said May.
Arden continued. “But it really did help, and Toby, I know withdrawal when I see it. You’re one sharp noise away from flipping out and climbing the nearest tall building with a sniper rifle, and that’s not going to get my brother back. You need some goblin fruit.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think I need,” I said flatly. “We’re not stopping to find a street corner drug dealer, and I don’t think Danny’s been running goblin fruit out of the glove compartment. So I’m going to just keep on the way I have been, if it’s all the same to you.”
“No, you’re not,” said May, in a very small voice.
I turned to frown at her. “May?”
She didn’t say anything. She just reached into her purse and pulled out a plastic baggie with a sandwich inside. It was white bread, cut into quarters; the crusts had been trimmed off. My eyes widened.
“May, no, don’t—”
She opened the seal, and the smell of goblin fruit flooded the car. Without my having consciously decided to move, I was taking the baggie away from her and cramming the sections of sandwich into my mouth. There was barely a teaspoon of jam in the whole thing, making it just a thin layer of sweetness between the slices of bread, cheese, and ham, but I somehow managed to stop myself from ripping the sandwich apart to get at what I wanted faster. The small part of my brain that was still capable of making rational decisions knew that this was the only way I’d get the calories I needed to rebuild what my body was burning.
That part of my brain was in the minority. Most of me had been transformed into pure wanting, and it wasn’t until I was sucking the crumbs off my fingers that my head cleared enough for me to realize what I’d done.
“Oh, root and branch,” I swore, woozily. The car was getting blurry around the edges as the goblin fruit kicked in. I fumbled for the knives strapped to my waist, not really caring which one I grabbed, as long as I got something I could use to cut myself.
May shouted something, trying to pull the knife out of my hand. The car was already starting to fade from view, and it felt like my blood was carbonated. I couldn’t feel my own fingers.
But I could feel hers.
“M’sorry,” I managed, and stabbed her in the arm.
May shrieked. Arden swore. Danny briefly lost control of the car in the commotion, sending us swerving across two lanes of traffic. I ignored them all as I clamped my mouth down over the wound I’d created.