Toby couldn’t quite follow all this. “The coin flip?” he said.
“I’ve got it mastered.” The Asian kid had a twinkle in his eye. “I’ve been practicing for months.”
“You can be good at coin flips?”
“Same as anything: practice.”
“When you practice, do you flip the coin yourself?”
“That wouldn’t do much good.”
Toby went off by himself to stretch. His team was designated the home team, so he would be the one to call the flip in the air. He wanted to call this thing right and tell the Asian kid that he hadn’t practiced a bit, that he was just a fortunate person. Toby drank some water, sized up the bar, and threw himself on the mat a few times. The 400 started. The runners flew up the straightaway, then bunched on the curve. When they passed Coach Scolle he ran with them for a stretch, grunting. Rosa and Sherrie sat in the direct center of the field, back to back, eating fries one by one. The female long-distance runners perched themselves atop the big coolers and painted their nails. When the 400 ended, there was no cheering. The runners slapped each other’s arms and climbed into the bleachers.
Here came the pole-vault official, silver dollar resting in his palm. He told Toby to call it, then tossed the coin and retreated a step. The silver dollar seemed huge. It somersaulted unhurriedly in the air.
“Tails,” Toby said.
The coin did not bounce. It was cradled by the grass, heads up. Toby looked at the Asian kid, who wasn’t bothering to gloat.
“You didn’t do anything,” Toby scolded him. “I’m the one who called it.”
“You went with your gut, didn’t you?”
“Flip it again,” Toby said to the official. “Just for fun. I want him to call it.”
“What will that prove?” said the Asian kid. “It’s a meaningless flip.”
“Pretend it has meaning.”
“Pretend?”
“Nice and high, now,” Toby said.
The official was amused. He flipped the coin.
“Tails,” the Asian kid called.
Up went the coin and down it fell. “Tails it is,” said the official. He picked up the coin and ambled off.
Toby took his three tries, not clearing more than eight feet, while his opponent serenely ate a container of cut melon.
Toby rode the bus back to school then walked home through the woods, passing close to Shelby’s house. The night he’d taken Kaley seemed distant, like a part of history. All the secrecy and intrigue had staled. Toby no longer got a charge from seeing an old man wearing those gray Velcro sneakers. Thinking about Kaley while he was at school didn’t buoy him, didn’t make him feel important. He wondered what he ever thought was special about her. She was fussy and messy and even without an appetite she managed to burn through food by leaving the containers open. She spilled half the water Toby brought down there. She was starting to smell in a way Toby couldn’t wash off. Toby still hadn’t uttered a word to her. If he did, it would be to yell at her.
When Toby got to the house he went in his room and took out his mother’s hand mirror. He’d told Shelby the truth when he said he had no pictures of his mother, but he had the mirror and that was all he needed. It had a faded, oriental-looking pattern on it. Its weight always surprised Toby. It felt good to hold. He squeezed it by the handle, cooling his palm. Toby sat on his bed, keeping his head stationary and angling the mirror so as to examine the corners of his room. He wondered if his mother had ever used the mirror, if she’d held the mirror in one hand and a brush in the other and sat erect on a chair near a window, if she’d left the mirror on a stand near her front door and checked her makeup in it. Toby doubted it. It had been a gift, probably, from someone not very dear. It had collected dust over and over and been wiped clean over and over. It had been unwanted, but too nice to throw out.
Toby forced himself to stand. He put the mirror back on the shelf and went outside, headed for a little gas station that mostly sold cigarettes and beer and lottery tickets. It was night. The wind singing in the tops of the pine trees irritated Toby.
At the gas station, he loaded up on junk food — packaged cakes full of creams and custards, cookies, candy bars. Kaley had to eat something. She didn’t like fish sticks or chicken patties or apples. Her cheeks weren’t plump anymore and you could see her spine right through her shirt. He had to give in and let her have soda too. She wasn’t drinking water.
Toby had to keep lugging the generator back and forth. He had to keep washing Kaley’s bedding and emptying her buckets. She wasn’t the least bit afraid of him. She could sleep. She wore that shrewd look, seeing through the dimness like a cat. The bunker smelled like Kaley and Kaley smelled like the bunker. The bunker was becoming her home, Toby a visitor.
Shelby wore yellow rubber gloves. She’d lathered up the bathtub, had bleach and glass cleaner and some brand-new sponges. She was resting, sitting on the toilet bowl. She had already vacuumed all the carpets in the house, dusted the tables and dressers. She didn’t feel like they’d lived here long enough for it to get dusty. It had been someone else’s dust, the previous owners’ dust. Shelby arched her back to make her spine crack, relishing the scouring, chemical air.
She had a little radio with her, tuned to an AM station on which a very old man was relating stories about the past. Shelby felt like she was the only person listening to the station, like the old man was talking only to her, but she supposed that was how everyone felt. The old man was speaking about the establishment of the first national parks, about how men in need of work had come from all over the country to blaze trails and put in signs and build ranger stations. There were no commercials. When the old man went to pee, you had to wait for him to come back.
Shelby wondered if she was sanitizing the bathroom of Kaley. Shelby had given Kaley a hundred baths in here. She was scrubbing the last traces of her sister out of this room. She ought to be doing something constructive, like homework or like cooking or maybe exercising, but those things seemed so difficult. They required so much faith. Shelby felt comfortable on the hard, flat cover of the commode. She wished her father wouldn’t come home, that night wouldn’t fall. She could stay where she was and think of her sister calmly and honestly — just think of Kaley, not about whether or not Kaley was with them, whether she was gone forever. Kaley was not like other kids. It was a fact. She wasn’t like other people. Kaley never held onto anything, not grudges or promises. It was a type of toughness Shelby did not possess. Kaley could forgive. She was a person who could forgive the world and forgive the people closest to her.
The old man on the radio cleared his throat and broke it to his listeners that it was time for him to wash up for supper. Shelby heard his chair creak and then the swishing sound of his slacks.
The porch. Uncle Neal had his generator out, testing it — the same brand as Toby’s, but bigger. Uncle Neal had examined the roof, he told Toby, and stocked canned goods. Hurricane season was around the corner again.
“Maybe this is the year,” Toby said.
“This place ain’t worth a hurricane’s time. I’m doing this stuff because it’s the kind of stuff I like to do.”
“Preparing?” said Toby.
“No, wasting time. I like to waste time.” Uncle Neal massaged his nose and snorted, trying to dislodge something. “I made a to-do list, that way I can waste the whole day.”
A stinkbug landed on Toby’s thumb and he carefully brushed it away.