Don’t worry, silly … I peeked at her incredulously, under her scarf her eyes flashed, the corners of her mouth drawing up in a tiny smile … an old lady, but that voice … are you She-Dog? You’re She-Dog … I am who I am, an c’mon … you talk too much, always do … you’re goin back to her. Treat her with love.
She led me to the barrow, there was a little fire burning, I shuddered to think I was goin to see the Proud One in his suit of armor … but it was just an old fella sittin there in patched-up rags, looked like one of the shepherds … Grampa! Ah’m bringin the gennilmin, said the Losín woman … he’s goin back, done an did it with his hands.
Sint thi youngun off ti heaven, did ji, took yi long inuff, ol witch … set yirsef down!
I didn’t understand what they said after that, at any rate it wasn’t much, the old fella tossed some leaves on the fire, herbs and … I think a raven’s wing, into my eyes an up my nose he drove the stinging smoke … at first I could make out individual feathers, but he kept wavin it at me, an the old woman began to sing, I saw her unbraid her hair … then run a comb through it, singing and combing … no, she was rending herself, tearing her hair out and bleeding … Grampa kept to himself, minding the fire, as the song grew softer and softer, and I sat down and couldn’t help myself, swaying to the rhythm … it was a long melody, and then … I was alone in the night and high in the air and flying … flying, without my willing it.
17
ANTHILLS. BONES. SHE KNOWS MANY THINGS. HONEY … YOU WERE TALKIN CRAP! THE HUT AND THE FIRE. THE WOLF DREAM.
I opened my eyes, starded to see two blazing spots right up next to my face … she covered them with her eyelids.
Sorry, said Černá, stretching out in the leaves, you were smilin in your sleep just now, an that’s interesting … cause all night long you were grindin your teeth an …
Sorry. It was amazing! I was flyin an … I jumped up and threw off my jacket and …
Ants? Sister said with concern.
No, hey … SUPER DISCO, it’s here!
She sat up.
Yep, the Eiffel Tower, I’ve got em.
I’m not too wild about those … disguises a yours … but whatever, she toppled back into the leaves, face to the ground.
It hit me … where we were and why … and what had happened.
Hey, I squeezed in close to her face … it’s gonna be fine, it’ll pass … I had a dream …
You’re always havin dreams, but listen, Černá turned to me, after all that, I had a really odd dream. Wanna know what it was?
Yeah.
It was odd … you were lyin next to me an I couldn’t sleep … I was too scared, the trees, in the wind they look like ghosts, an I was thinkin about those days … with him, how he useta abuse me … you know what he called me, it’s crazy, you know what he useta call me: Buns! Buns, fetch this … Buns, hold that. It was awful … an also … I’ll tell you that after … an suddenly it wasn’t you next to me but a woman … a girl, touchin me, holdin me … I said to myself in the dream, I’m a monster, I’ll do it, I’ll kill … an then I have a dream … with a woman! One time I … well, never mind … but she was holdin me … an feelin me up, my breasts … an down below too, she was checkin me out … exploring me, but not like it was a turn-on, an I had this warm feeling …
I might … know who it was!
Wait … so you know she had a white dress on, like a bride …
You bet I do!
Well … I guess you do know then, I guess you know it all … how when I opened my eyes, she was … a little like me at first, I thought, like lookin in a mirror … all except for the dress … an she smelled, you know … of earth, somethin cool … an it struck me she smelled of the grave an that she was my death. Or she was me. Dead.
No, don’t say that …
I’ll tell you one more thing an that’s it … it’s about him! After all that time with him, an me runnin away, I didn’t realize till in that dream, ach … it wasn’t … the way he talked to me: Buns … I was thinkin about it last night, an now I know …
Černá put her lips to my ear and whispered.
I know that sometimes … I even liked it! I even … Černá breathed into my ear … wanted it. Sometimes. Isn’t that awful … you can kick me now if you want …
No, for me you are what you are. It doesn’t matter.
Yeah, you mean it? You were off flyin again, aright … an if I tell you maybe I was on the other side … in the ground, down below, an that I went to … certain places? An even had to crawl! An one of the places was real quiet … an empty. You want?
No. Not yet.
I guess we were both a little crazy. Tramping through the woods, me in the lead, Černá behind me. There weren’t any paths, but going between the trees worked. At first we were glad there was … no one around. No smoke to see, no sounds to hear. An odd, empty landscape. Černá kept going slower and slower. She had on her, shall we say, rocker … boots … and occasionally we’d stop. We didn’t talk about how hungry we were. When her feet hurt too much, she lined her boots with leaves and for a while it was okay again.
Černá … a lot of stuff ’s finished now, an when we get home … let’s take off, somewhere. For a while at least.
You think they’re after us?
I think they found him … the yellows. An they’ll know what to … they’ll take care a the bodies. You’re fantastic, any other girl would’ve caved in, but you …
What’re you sayin, I am caved in.
Yeah, me too I guess … for now let’s keep goin. An Černá …
Hm?
Did they tell you anything about me … what I … did?
No, Černá said quickly. No, they didn’t, but …
What?
Well, they made fun a you.
Uh-huh.
We came to a road. Not tires, I noticed. Wheels … wagon wheels. The road led into a valley. Černá spotted the first buildings. They were ruins though. Where once there were roofs now whole trees punched skyward. The road was overgrown with brambles and weeds. I nearly stepped on a rusty scythe. We made our way through the houses, sticking close together, we wanted … to get through as fast as possible, the village was surrounded by cliffs, there was no way to get around it.
Somebody told me … they evacuated some people from here …
Look!
She pointed … it used to be a church, but it must’ve been destroyed by an explosion … the roof, the copula, was torn wide open … we saw scattered gravestones, splintered crosses …
Those’re anthills, Černá said.
On a lotta the graves … I thought it was dirt, but then I took a closer look … it was alive, ants in motion … the grave looked like it had some kind of living matter coming out of it … we went on … me in the lead, and suddenly there was a creak, I winced … No! Černá shouted … Don’t even move! You’re on a well … I peeked cautiously down at my feet, the lid was made of rotten wood, teetering … Wait, don’t make a move or you’ll fall … she didn’t have to tell me, but maybe if I hop up … stretch out your arm … she couldn’t reach, but that was probably good, at least I wouldn’t drag her down … the lid’s edge crunched … it’s breakin, I’m goin down … grab on, I peeked in her direction … Černá stood, body pressed against a young oak tree, hands in front of her, and in one … I grabbed the end of the belt and pushed off … she held on, my weight pressed her into the tree, she scraped her face … we lay in the grass … you know many things, Černá … Yeah, I knew right away there hadda be a well there, my folks had one just like it, right next to the house. Where? Doesn’t matter, maybe I’ll tell you someday, but not right now, I can still see him there. Even now? I said. Especially now, she said.