We walked through the valley, going through a few more villages, and everywhere there were churches and graveyards demolished by the explosion, and everywhere ants lived on the graves … red ants with pinchers … we went by a little graveyard with stairs leading up to it carved into the rock, I wanted to take a look at the names, maybe figure out where we were … Don’t go up there, Černá said, she stayed on the road. But in the graveyards at least there were no rusty scythes, no abandoned wells, we weren’t scared a wall would collapse, and then … twilight caught us out, we went into a graveyard, the ground there was solid … we squeezed together out of fear, one of the anthills had some kinda phosphorescent twigs in it, I’d read somethin once about rotten wood.
No, Brother, those’re fireflies, you got em in your hair, she brushed my mane back from my forehead, I lay on top of her … we probly shouldn’t’ve, that poor guy down in the dark grave beneath us, I don’t want to know his name, then I’d have to think about him … let’s just say it makes him happy, said Sister, moving beneath me, legs propped up against the stone tablet full of cracks and holes leading somewhere else, into the chill … but then she said, stop it! Let’s stop, I think … that tree there’s watchin us, I got a feeling … I looked over my shoulder, by the dangling graveyard gate stood a lone tall tree, branches trembling in the wind, it was watching.
We got up and walked on through the night.
In the other villages … well, we got used to it. What was weird and distressing was, here and there, even though everything was smashed … in some houses, and we could see in through the crumbling walls, there were all sorts of desks and chairs still … bowls … a cross or two on the walls here and there, and I was glad they hadn’t been heathens.
You think, yeah, my companion snorted, like it did em any good …
Oh, you bet it did!
You’re so smart, aright, aright, maybe it did …
I sat down on a tree stump, we’d just come out of a village, and I said: Hey, sweetheart, I never hassled you about faith, but know this … once upon a time there was a fella, a priest, Bogomil, an he said, don’t make pictures of Bog, it’s not for everyone … just for the strong people of cruel Bog, an he an his woman … whose name can’t be uttered, it’s always changing! She’s eternal … have got two sons, Logos, word, an Lupus, i.e. wolf, i.e. Warrior, the younger brother an the older brother, an they stick up for each other …
Cool, got a smoke?
Yeah.
Well, go ahead, she said, taking off her boots, you’ve sure got some interesting theories …
Old Orthodox Bogomil, a.k.a. Theophilus, was smart to come up with censorship, just imagine, some people’re usin images of Bog now in ads … subtitlin him in the old tongue, yep … for example, God smokes Jupkas, so should you … or God on TV, prime time, when they show those illegal gladiator fights, snacks on Avízo pretzel sticks, so can you … I saw it, pisses me off … now God an the whole happy family drink only delectable Dagoberts coffee, know that one?
That one, yeah.
There, you see … an this priest said the world’s an embrace, always in pairs, day an night, man an woman, an so on, nonsense too, an that it’s unknowable, like a dream … an you fight against it all, but you’re part of it. An sometimes, just sometimes, you catch a glimpse … just for the blink of an eye, you glimpse the wheel of the world … an then you return to make your way through more snares an traps an delusions, makin your way through the deceptions … an it’s all just about bein free, bein yourself, avoiding slavery … and we who know about the secret, boy do I love you! we love eagles, cause they see … they’re still around in some places … an it’s about findin your being in the vale of tears, in other words your other half, so you can be whole, at least for a while! an be there for someone, an through passion an strength of feeling, he said, you can overcome even your own pain, drown out the awful solitude … an you also fight with the other one, just like with yourself, but in love all things’re permitted … on the other hand there’re rules, but! … if they’re after you, you can do anything … an in order to find that being, you gotta get past the snares … the eagle of course sees into the future, or more like senses it … you’re asleep!
No, look at my boots. A nail came through, it’s diggin into me.
An sometimes you can fly even, at least for the blink of an eye …
Yeah right … you an your flyin … but look at my feet. They’re all bloody.
I’ll give you my shoes.
That’s stupid, then you won’t be able to walk either.
I gave her my socks and she stuffed them with leaves, put bark in her boots, left em untied … we walked on in silence … I had a feeling that what’d happened, what she’d done, the forest and houses we’d gone through too, our motion was wiping all of it out, the horror … I mean she had to do it, I said to myself.
That pistol … you got it? She asked.
I do, an it’s stayin with me.
What’s wrong? She stopped.
I, don’t get mad, Černá … I think you wanted to shoot me too.
You said the morning after that you wanted me anyway … the way I am. Still mean it?
Yes.
Aright then … so, when you were standin there lookin at me with that terrified expression … an that piece a shit told me: Kill im. I squeezed the trigger.
She grabbed me by the elbow as I winced … hey, let’s not sob an grovel here, that’s the way it was. I squeezed the trigger but it didn’t go off. An you closed your eyes … like that time by the sink, when I slugged you … back when we met, remember?
You bet I do.
Well an then I let him have it. Maybe … maybe he wanted it? Why else would he’ve given it to me? I mean he musta known … how I felt. He’s, he was, a smart guy, don’t think he wasn’t. He even … loved me! His way though. It was the only way he knew. She shuddered.
I don’t wanna think about it, Černá, it’s all too fast. At least I know that I know how to close my eyes at the right time in the right place. Hey, don’t look! Not there!
But she saw it too. In one of the houses with crumbling walls, bright white among the nettles, a skeleton, human … and next to it in a tangle of furniture …
That was a dog! said Sister. Big one too.
The human bones were strewn across the filthy, rotting floor, but the dog’s bones … he was lying down, maybe passed away in his sleep, no … either way he probably starved, since he couldn’t let himself out.
Excuse me, but what’s with tellin me not to look … after all that, they’re dead, so what.
I guess I didn’t want, that skeleton … the long hair, it was a woman.
Aha. I didn’t notice. Think there’s still some people hidin out here?
I looked around. The forest we’d entered was dark. Not a sound, not even a bird cheeping. All we could hear was the leaves beneath our feet.
Think we’ll make it to that Usanica place? There’s a train there, you said.
We’ll make it somewhere.
Then we walked through meadows, the sun shining, and … we were hungry, but maybe the walking … made us more cheerful … Sister broke into twitters … even sang.
It’s strange, she said, actually I’ve never sung, never tested my voice like this, totally out in the open, sounds different … it fills space boldly, I concurred.
Her voice made everything better. I recalled the first time it reached my ears, out at the Rock … it must’ve been hers … I told her.
Maybe I had a window open in the attic.
Yeah, it was summer.
Eventually we came to enjoy wandering … we’d make it somewhere … we were together. Gallivanting in an oak grove, shaking down nuts and snacking on them … pears and wild cabbage smiled on us along our way as we nibbled lanceroot and sampled wild ploughnuts … that worked … scrambling over rocks and marveling at pools, drinking from cool springs … tossing pebbles and twigs at each other. Then Sister went for a swim while I admired her … her body totally white in the water, her tenderness … on the bank she turned blue.