I let her down, she rolled off into the grass. I turned around, in the distance was a fire. It stood out strongly in the dark. The flames whipped the night, billowing white steam … the fabric was soaked with rain … but I knew it was that hovel.
So he stayed in there, I said nonsensically.
Sister turned her face to me and it was full of tears, c’mere, she said, burying her head in my armpit and weeping. I couldn’t. I looked at the stars. Guess it’ll come some other time. An I hope she’ll be there for it. Just let me make it through tonight, I said to myself.
She fell asleep. Maybe he’d come because She-Dog didn’t want me to tell this love of mine … and the pistol, it dug into me, I took it outta my jacket and tucked it under my belt … I wasn’t at all eager for my little sister to know where I carried it. There was only one round left in the gun, and that one … that one I’m savin.
I peered up at and into the stars, chill springs, unmoving eyes on a creature’s wings, openings to elsewhere. And then I also fell asleep. We were pretty tired.
An I had my … it was a wolf dream. We ran off, Raksha squealing with joy … me too, we knocked the lock off the cage and it rattled through the zoo the whole last night, one of us knocked it off with a paw, the chain fell away, and then we ran, running over the hard frozen snow, through the woods, over the dirtclods, along the stones, claws clicking, and we didn’t worry about our tracks because we were running … away.
Her eyes glowed like coals … sometimes she would nip at me, lick me … there, where I had a scar from my collar, the bald patch on the nape of my neck where the fur hadn’t grown back in … she touched her snout to the spot on my ribs where once upon a time the barbwire had cut me, and pieces of wire were left in there, they’d grown into me … I nipped at her too, her scars were inside … the drill where they’d taught her to beg and hold out her paw and roll her peepers and pout her lips, where they’d dressed her up in ribbons and suits so she’d grow into a good little girl, a well-mannered little woman … always at attention, like a snowman kind of, but sexy … where they showed my little sister how to wiggle her ass to please the bosses … to live with idiots the rest of her life in exchange for cash to get makeup and food and a flat … consuming energy on learning how to go ooh and aah whenever the fucking bosses lay down the gospel … but now we were running … and the only trail we left was the fast frozen breath that fell from our fangs … my loved one was a bee and a butterfly and knew how to cut with her claws and her tongue, and I tried too … we learned from each other what was good for the other, and that made both of us stronger … running, and the earth turned beneath us, running by graves and leaping across them, avoiding the bones and glassy stares and empty eyesockets … of wolf skulls … and steering clear of traps and snares, we had experience … with falling stakes and poisoned meat … we made it without harm through the red pack’s territory … and met the last white wolves, they were wracked with disease … and the big black wolves chased us, but we escaped … we, the gray wolves of the Carpathians, had an age-old war with them, they were surprised we fled, their jaws snapping shut on empty air, they had a hunch it was their turn next, the helicopters were on the way … we ran side by side, our bodies touching … running over the earth as it turned, with the wind whistling in our ears like a lament for every dead pack … and the clicking of our claws made the earth’s motion accelerate … we ran over the earth, a mass grave, running away … away from there … and then … but then we stood on the final cliff, above the depths, and nothing was left but to jump off and plunge into the surface, that was where it all began … the depths below sparkled like a mirror and Raksha, my sister, shrank back, tongue drooping, a growl, dark and savage, escaping her throat … Akela nudged her flank with his snout, but she snapped at him … we’re here … come on, Sister, we can’t go back now … come on, let’s jump … let’s fly, we can be together forever … but Raksha turned and ran back … Akela stood at the edge, hesitating, but just for a moment … he ran after her … Raksha had found a hole in the hillside and wouldn’t come out … and Akela didn’t get it, he didn’t know a thing … he stayed outside alone … the only sound from the hole in the ground her growling … warning him … and then it was quiet … Akela was alone … and there was no point, he could go back to the cliff by himself … and fly … but there was no point … he howled, the moon was all he had and it drove his nerves crazy, Akela had no one to lean on … he ran into the woods and killed the first animal he caught scent of … carried it back to the hole … Raksha dragged the meat inside … days went by, and Akela went mad with grief … the solitude, so close to the precipice, and the betrayal … he didn’t know anything … and then he saw Raksha come out of the hole, dragging wearily, creatures all around her … sucking the life from her, taking it for themselves … Akela attacked … but Raksha knew, she’d been expecting it … knocked him off his feet, and he exposed his unprotected belly, offering his neck, the jugular, nothing mattered to him anymore … but she didn’t break the rules … she returned to the creatures … leaving Akela alone with the moon, but now he knew … and his howl was different.
What’re you screamin, for God’s sake, what? You donno how to sleep, said Černá. No, you don’t. Either you grind your teeth or but now you were even screamin!
Sorry. If you knew what I dreamed though, hah! You’d be amazed!
Did the gentleman fly?
Yeah, actually no … it was a lot different this time. An it told me. See, you crawled into this hole an …
Yeah sure, listen. I practically didn’t sleep. Or else it was a dream. It was really weird. Listen, I got woken up by this awful din, this ruckus. Like machines, you know? I donno, I think I was awake, an it came from underground. I tried to wake you. The earth was shaking. Like there was some airport or factory or somethin underneath us. I walked around a while an then I went … she pointed to where the grassy plain sloped downward, I listened and it sounded familiar … over there, I wasn’t even scared, I kept lookin to make sure I could see you … an there’s a gorge there, man, I lie down an look, an there’s these little carts flyin around, an the people pushin em were totally emaciated, down to the bone, horrible … an in the side of the gorge were these metal doors with guards out in front … an there was this racket from inside, an this light like they were meltin down iron or whatever … the people had on these suits striped like zebras, but you know … that was enough for me, I got outta there, metal doors … there was ivy or somethin all over em, an it was rolled back. I donno if it was a dream.