Mr. Novák sir, David spoke up, excuse me, but how come you’re in heaven now if …
Ya mean like, what I did da those nippers, yeh? Wull I got tortured too, so what. It was … pardners, this life a mine, even wid that golden soup it was … it was hard, don’t go thinkin it wasn’t! Hell, boyz! When they brought Broněk inda the oberst … an he was still a strong fella … a boxer, I mean I told ja, fellas, goddammit! Wull Broněk didn’t know what he was in for yet! No sir! I knew … an those dead folks that went inda the oven … they knew, elsewise though nobody else in the lager … an Prochaska, that goes without sayin! An I’m takin Broněk oudda his first innerview … he’s on all fours, boyz! He’s crawlin! So I get im back ta the cell an I’m goin lockity lockity lock! an he says: Kill me, Josef! Kill me … I beg you! … but I knew he still wasn’t brutalized enough … ta die … an Prochaska could tell! I mean he was an expert … in pain … yes sir, I mean it’s like I told ja, boyz! An I says: Broněk, pardner, stick it out another round or two … an then I’ll kill ya … an he starts sobbin an says: It’s no good, Josef … I can’t take it … it’s too awful … do it now or I’ll turn you in. Wull an what was I sposda do, pardners? Figgered if I strangled im maybe the oberst wouldn’t be able da tell, but he was a real strong fella … I mean he couldn’t stand up … but he was thrashin all over … an I was a boy! An I don’t ever wanna be a boy again! I mean I’m tellin ya straight! So I stuck im … an I’m thinkin I’ll talk my way oudda it … like he put up a fight or somethin … an I go da Prochaska an there’s these two other ess-ess in there besides, Wagner … an Bauch … jus my luck! I mean my nerves were totally jimjammed … I was up shit creek, gents! An instead a askin me bout the little mother like the oberst awways did … he was fond a her … an he’d smile an say … vot about Praque! Zat stepmuzza hass some clawss! An … finish op zis shtroodle, I kent stant zat hunkry look uf yours, you idiot … awways treated me good, yes sir! I gotta tell ya! An I told ja! An he’d speak Czech wid me, that way a his, he’d say: Uf course vee are Cheks, Herr Novák, bot nobotty hass to know! Herr, that’s how the krauts say Mister, Oberst Prochaska called me Mister! an he didn’t hafda, I mean I was a heftlink … an there were milliyons a them, I don’t hafda tell ya! Wull an when I see he’s got company … a meetin … I back on oudda there, but Bauch gets a load a me … an next thing I know he’s got ahold a me … an slap! slap! Boyz, an me wid my nerves in a tizzy … from back there wid Broněk … my pocket rips open an sparklin in there … two gold teeth! An when my oberst sees it, my Oberst Prochaska, who I betrayed, don’t think I don’t know it, pardners! Wull he stood up … an then it started … the whimperin an the bleatin … the tortures … an the ess-ess makin bets … wull nowadays I’m above it all, my sokolites.
And, O skippers and sokols, if you think now came a break so we could concentrate and mull it all over, you’re mistaken. Because Josef Novák the skeleton started right back up again, and by now we knew we had to follow, to stay within reach of that raspy voice, or we’d start breaking through the bones. So we straggled after the skeleton like on some stupid field trip from bolshevik days.
Yep an movin right along, let it fly, let it ride, like three grannies down the slide! Hola hey hola ho, watch my tour an off we go! Wull but I’m in the wild blue yonder now, boys …
So you’re seriously in heaven, Mr. Novák, for real? asked David.
Wull yeah I’m in heaven, I mean what’ve I been tellin ya, hell!
So why’re you there? said David. And the rest of us, dear lords and standard-bearers, kept our mouths shut, but I think we all considered it the right question at the right time.
Wull now, boy … that I dunno! Hooty hooty, woods an booty, Novák the skeleton started up again, guesser guesser guess away guess, with all the strength that you possess, he hollered back at us over his collar and shoulder bones, and we had to pick up the pace again.
Wull all right, boyz … the wild blue yonder, I rode in there on a copacetic shinkansen, knocked me flat on my can! That was somethin new! Peek at my turnip an there she is, pullin up to the ramp, right on the money!
Oh boy, said Bohler.
Uh-huh, said Micka.
Really, Mr. Novák? said David.
There he goes again … it’s never gonna stop … said I.
I’m goin outta my mind … said Sharky, gnashing his teeth.
But first I hadda go through this tunnel wid alla these other stiffs an there was plenny a other heftlinks an some was heavily brutalized an I mean I wasn’t exackly a knockout either! No siree! Wull what wid the oberst an all! I mean you know, boyz! … so we’re goin along an I see this Angel standin there so I say: Greetins, yer worship! I’m Josef Novák aus Žižkov … but my legs gave me away, yes sir, boyz, yes siree … an the Angel he tosses his hair an says: I know, Novák, but things’re diffrent out our way. An since we also happen ta know, ole pardner, that you can swing the techneek, which is ta say yer one seriously slick operator wit golden Czech hands an callouses all over those sticky little fingers, we got a copacetic shinkansen here for ya. Course the Ole Man’ll hafta take a peek at cha first, but between you an me, pardner … it’s just a formality, got cher paypers all shipshape an where yer goin now ya won’t get no cheap shots, no one’s gonna try an stifle ya or poison ya or any hanky-panky ever again, ya warped ole chiseler, I swear on my momma’s death, umtata umtata boom! An the Angel spat good an hard. An me, boys, I broke down right then an there! Every one a those tears I’d held back, I bawled um all out, cause I didn’t snuffle once in four years in that lager! Not one little bitty teardrop, jus so we’re clear! I couldn’t! Not there, I mean I’m tellin ya! An ya know what I was bawlin for? Cause somebody’d talked normal da me! Cause that Angel swung the lingo my style! … that Angel, he was a personage, an authority … my new boss, the commandant, for cripe’s sake! An I’d awways had some kina pop … ole Rouba … the guards! … the oberst … but I couldn’t ever sling it my style wid those fellas, call a spade a spade … awways twistin my tongue in knots for the bosses … an it was the end a all that now, I could feel it … an maybe that Angel had long hair like some kina perv, but this was his home turf an he came down da my level … that Angel was the boss, an he definitely had a piece a the action on everythin beautiful an clean an new! An who was I, a blond barboy an … a brutally slaughtered heftlink, I mean you know! A nobody! Boyz! Wull an when we pull up da the ramp there’s this ole gentleman sittin there, up in this like armchair sorta, real ole gent wid long white hair an whiskers, an he’s smilin all kind like an noddin to us …
Jesus an Mary! cried Bohler.
I bet, said Micka.
That’s beautiful! Just like my mom told me! said David.
Yeah, cool, said I.
Heh heh heh, said Sharky …
… an there’s lines comin in from every which way, cause not all of um rode in on shinkansens! Don’t kid cherselfs now, boyos, cause that’d be brutally miscalculatin! That’d be a mixup, ha! Cause some hadda slog through the mud … on foot, some of um in coaches … an that kind ole gentleman, that was Mr. God, my boys, an as the lines went past he’d jus smile an go Rechts! und Links! wid this like white cane, an in the line I was in, the Angels took care a us an treated our wounds an consoled us an sang an all … but the debbils tore inda that other line wid pitchforks an whips, an talk about cher hubbub! Talk about cher uproar! Chunks a flesh flyin! An there was more an more a them debbils every minute! I noticed that like right off! An these debbils … they weren’t like those Jew boyz … an me … back there in Auschwitz … here akshally … wull nowadays it’s diffrent … but debbils’re worse, don’t chou think! An this one boy, he’s worked over all nasty an done in like me, but suddenly he starts hollerin an hoppin for joy, an he says, in German, only now I know how da swing it, right: Hey, it’s that swine ess-ess Kupner, ha ha, hey everybody from Dachau, look what they’re doin da him! ha ha ha, an a couple a heftlinks take a look, an they start in, ha ha ha, an the debbils when they heard that, wull I guess they wanned da show off for us, an for Mr. God a course, so they take their pitchforks an fire an start hazin an brutalizin that ess-ess Kupner, makin sorta like a showpiece oudda him. An all of a sudden I hear Mr. God talkin da us ole heftlinks: Really? Is this what cha really want? An a couple a brutalized pieces hollered: Yeah, mister, give that swine what he’s got comin! Or somethin like that, an the Lord says it again, he says: Really? An do ya wanna know what they’re doin to him? An a couple a us said, yeah, an some jus nodded, like yers truly … an all at once, my boyz, we were in the picture … all at once we knew what they were doin da him … an it was awful, boyz … an if we hadn’t awready been dead we’da dropped right there on the spot … not that anythin was happenin da us, boyz … no sir! But we knew what was goin on wid that Kupner … an it was goin on in eternidy … he was sufferin … an every teeny little second a pain was an eternidy … wull you dunno that one, boyz … those scoutin storees a yers don’t tell ya diddly bout that … wull even the most done in an brutalized heftlinks stopped yellin at that ess-ess fella an jus kep goin … an I turned aroun … an saw his face … an he wasn’t hollerin … it was past hollerin now … he was sufferin an he had an eternidy in fronna him still … on an on … nothin but sufferin … all sortsa pain … us, though, we were in heaven.