Her skin touched My Protective Animal, my flying, dancing symbol, and one time she said: I was — you’re gonna get jealous again but that’s stupid! — this one guy I was with, his … cock was like this. He had an eagle on his skin.
What … I jumped up. What was his name … Bohler?
I donno. Didn’t ask. We were only together once. We met once. Whatever … but what you told me an I told you, the important thing … trust me. Always. Sometimes I’m not myself, I mean with us drinkin an all. But I’ve never loved anyone this much before. So actually no one else’s been inside me. And I’d destroy anyone that tried to harm you. Mercilessly. You have no idea …
Pass me that lighter, would ja. I do have an idea, Černá. Maybe I already know who you are … I’ve got a hunch … an could ja nudge that ashtray over, yeah … good.
In time we expanded our territory. The city was growing, always some new thing … we’d walk out in the street at night, confusing taxi drivers, on the slow trams sometimes we’d get jumpy and wrap ourselves around the bars, especially me. In the subway we’d sit solemnly, staring blankly ahead, pretending, in front of and along with the rest of the passengers, like nothing was going on at all … we’d even go to the theater, now and then. At least there we didn’t run into anyone we knew.
We studied the gowns and masks and then used some of it later on. I think the singers pissed Černá off a little. I knew, I noticed … sometimes she’d hum along and harmonize. I guess she really missed it. But it fascinated her how I’d always guess what each piece was about and how it would turn out. She’d look at me, eyes shining, and gasp: You’re amazing! I didn’t tell her that most of the plays I’d read. Once upon a time. One skit in some out-of-the-way local theater I even wrote. Under my own name though, so she didn’t realize.
Occasionally we’d have a couple vodkas in the lobby, Černá rattling the jewelry she’d borrow for nights on the town. Me powdered up. Planting kisses in her decolletage and throwing roses at her. Champagne for Chekhov, whiskey for Shepard, we didn’t mix that up. The Lantern* Jirásek! Water goblins, myrtle. We saw that one five times. During the performance we’d rustle papers. She’d leave chewing gum on her seat. That’s so they’ll see … so they’ll see it’s no joke, Sister would say. The ladies hissed. When that unfaithful Yaga throttled her husband the Moor, Černá broke down sobbing, she shouldn’t do that! she cried. They tried to escort her out, I intervened. Idiots, what’ve you got against negroes, Černá railed at the usher. Then she told me the story. I was jealous. Still.
And after one brilliant play I fine-tuned the plot: Černá! I had a dream. That’s not how it was in reality, see, it’s true Ulysses slaughtered those suitors when he got home, but that was only cause … they were younger an better-lookin an richer than him, he was gettin to be an old dog … an they were just boys, don’t gimme that look! That’s all he did in those islands anyway, was kill an plunder, plus charm Circe an take over her pig byznys … so he comes home to his castle an Penelope’s there waiting faithfully, like a good wife … but Ulysses bursts in an says: Sorry. You’ve waited faithfully an long. I was off fightin, I’m a man. That’s why you wanted me, right? Sorry, though, you’re gettin old now. So I brought back this splendid sixteen-year-old slave girl. Girl! Lift your arms over your head, turn around. See those breasts, Penelope, see that ass? See that mane, see how her hair shines? See those teeth? Does it remind you of anything? That’s right, that’s how you used to be, Penelope. Ages ago. It doesn’t bother you that I’m bein frank, does it? I am a man, you know. Do you know how many enemies I crushed an songs I wrote on my travels? That’s why you wanted me. I met this one, Penelope, an now she’s here! She’s the one I’ve had under my eyelids all my life, you just wandered into my path. That’s the way it is. Sorry, Penelope, it’s been nice. Now … get out.
Černá put her shades on. Are you hungry, friend?
Yeah.
Unfortunately all I’ve got is a little dried-out piece of … mortadella. An coffee. Just black though. How bout it?
Okay.
Maybe you oughta try a little more, you’re always bullshittin … what about comin up with a happy ending for once, I know it’s hard, are you scared?
Yeah. A little bit, yeah.
There was one thing I couldn’t stand. When she put on her shades, I’d lose her eyes. Think it was somebody else under there. I’d known her eyes as green, now more often they were speckled brown. Maybe it depended on the light, on whether we had candles or a lamp, or if it was daytime. I never did find out. But then she started wearin her shades to bed even. I told her I didn’t want her to. She just laughed. Trust me … it’s good for you too … not to see for a while.
I focused so much on her body and her breathing that sometimes I didn’t notice her eyes. We also tried a mask, and sometimes I put a pillow or a pillowcase over her face. I guess there really are times when you wanna be alone. Just you an your grimaces. It’s impossible to smile all the time.
But in my heart there was love. I kept it locked inside. That’s the way it was. With her I was in reality. I know it.
Sometimes … it got in there. I came home from a foray, Smoothy’s crap ringin in my ears still, and she had the radio on. First the announcer spoke about India, then took Pakistan, dipped into Iran, cut across the north back down toward the south and then said a thing or two about Egypt, took it all in one fell swoop, didn’t even leave out Libya, he didn’t leave out a thing, bet he had to loosen his tie. I opened the window and looked at the street. The hustle and bustle. Some tanker of something drove by. It was yellow.
What’s up, said Sister after a while.
Nothin, I don’t think I can take it anymore. Nothin’s goin on at all … notice all the natural catastrophes lately though?
There’s also nice things.
Like what?
The air hardened in my ears like chunks of basalt.
Hey, hey, stop talkin, have yourself a glass a wine, have a smoke, come over here, be with me, hop to it.
I noticed she had a new … I guess T-shirt. Nothin on her shoulders, just these thin little strings … it was white. An besides, she was right.
But then she started throwing up bile. All I could do was hold her head. And that night, before Hunter got in the car … she didn’t want to go to the sea with me.
We stood on a path in the woods. I gave it a shot. Fidgeting like I was nervous, I told Smoothy: My work’s finished. I’m goin. Let me go. Smoothy threw up his hands. Why, my dear esteemed Mr. Potok, that is out of the question! Think what you like, but Oriental hospitality is an important factor here. Now we are going to walk through the forest, the general first, then our new friend, and after them you. After you will be me, and my dear Mr. Potok … I sorely beg you … try to understand … it would be best if we also arrive in that order, yes?
Yeah right. At that moment I despised … Hunter. That time on the street, him jabbin that bamboo stick around with me at his side … that was different … now he had a mission. But I’m no commissar.
He walked past like he didn’t even see me. We followed the path through the woods, crooked trees all around, then we came to a swamp, I watched the worms’ bizarre little trails in the puddles … unnamable creatures, it’s nonsense what they call em in labs … Hunter stopped as we entered a gully. A tree trunk lay across the path. The tank driver and Smoothy went runnin up and started wrasslin around with it … but didn’t take their eyes off me, it was ridiculous! The tree’s roots were tangled up, they didn’t spot the little snarl of nettles. I freed it all up and rocked the tree off the path. Hunter gave the nod and we moved on. The tank driver tried to take a shortcut and sank into the swamp … just up to his knees, but he got pretty freaked … as we walked on, Smoothy couldn’t hold back and started rattlin on again, I would’ve rather listened to the birds, why put up with human conversation right to the end …