“Hey man, how you doing?” he asked quietly.
“I’ve been better.”
He handed me a bag of clothes. “I just saw Tessa. She’s down in the room with the kids. I gave them some clothes, also. She told me about Marilyn.”
“I killed our son, Tusker.”
“No, you didn’t.” I started to argue, but he stopped me. “No you didn’t. Now shut up. It wasn’t your fault. You’re going to go get dressed, and we’re going to get the kids home, and then it will be tomorrow, and tomorrow you’ll think it was your fault just a little bit less. Then you’re going to make it through that day, and the next day you’re going to think it was your fault just a little bit less. This is never going to get better, but you will make it through, one day at a time, until you know it wasn’t your fault.”
“I really fucked up this time, Tusker.”
“Right, whatever, get through today first.” He looked around and found a nurse. “Is there a place he can shower and clean up?” We were pointed to a bathroom down the hall; the individual rooms didn’t have showers. He pushed me towards it and then pushed me inside with the bag of clothes. “Get cleaned up and get dressed.”
When I came out, I found Tusker sitting there on a bench. I had stuffed the hospital gown and robe into a hamper, but still had on my slippers. I went up to the nurses’ counter, where the bitch who had pissed me off earlier was missing. Maybe she had gone off shift. A new nurse came over. “Any idea where my clothes are?” I asked.
“Marilyn’s, too!” added my friend.
She shrugged. “Not really. Did they actually admit you to the hospital, or just to the emergency room?”
It was my turn to shrug. “Just the ER, I think.”
“Maybe they have them.”
“Probably the same for my kids?” I asked.
She held her hands up in a perplexed look. “Either there or on the floor where they were admitted.”
I went back into Marilyn’s room, and found her awake again. My head was still pounding, but not as bad as earlier. When she saw me, she didn’t look as bleak. Tusker came in with me. “I thought you’d left me,” she said. I swallowed hard and tried not to gape at her. Had I sunk that low to her? I started to tear up again. She saw the look in my face, and her eyes opened wide. “I was just making a joke! I know you hadn’t left me!”
“I’m sorry. I was getting cleaned up.”
She grabbed for my hand. “It’s alright! We’ll be okay. How are the kids?”
“Tessa’s with them. They’ll be fine,” said Tusker.
“Go see them. They need to see their father,” she replied.
Tusker took the bag of clothing from me. “Go find the kids. Tell them you saw Mommy.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. I shuffled out of the room towards the elevator. The bitchy nurse was back, and gave me a dirty look. I went down to the kids’ room, and found them sitting there with Tessa reading the girls a Dr. Seuss story, Green Eggs and Ham, which was one of their favorites. There must have been a library cart in the pediatric wing.
They all looked up when I came in, and clamored to know how Marilyn was. “Mommy is awake and wanted me to check on you guys again. She has to stay here for a few more days, but if you get cleaned up and dressed, maybe I can sneak you in to see her.”
Charlie had already gotten into some clothes. Tessa pulled the curtain around the girls’ bed, and I asked her, “Seen the kids’ clothing?”
“No. Maybe you can ask the nurse.”
I just nodded and headed out to the nurses’ station. This bunch was a lot friendlier. They didn’t have the clothing, but a nurse called the Emergency Room and found it all down there. They sent an orderly to go fetch it. Well, not Marilyn’s since it was covered in blood and had to be cut off of her. The kids and I could leave once a doctor came around to sign us all out — around noon! In the meantime, they could get dressed and go upstairs and see their mom, if they went in with me, one at a time.
I went back into the room. Tessa had the girls in the bathroom, washing and scrubbing, and Charlie was sitting there reading the book again. I sat down next to him and read it with him. ‘Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do!! I like them, Sam-I-am!’ “Sounds delicious to me,” I commented.
Charlie grinned up at me. “Sounds kind of yucky!”
I laughed. “Watch it, or I’ll make green eggs and ham for breakfast someday!”
“Close your eyes!” ordered Tessa, and I slapped my hands over my face. Charlie did the same, and a pair of squealing girls giggled and ran back behind their curtain. Ten minutes later, the curtain opened up and they came out. “Let’s go see Mommy!” said Tessa, taking each one by hand.
I led the way with Charlie, and Holly and Molly alternately dragged Aunt Tessa along, or tried to hold her back, one of their games with her. My children, the living ones, were getting back to their normal playful selves.
Upstairs, the bitchy nurse looked like she wanted to have us all thrown out, but I think somebody must have chewed her ass out, because she only said, “One at a time!”
I ignored her and ushered the kids through the door. Tessa and Tusker stayed outside. All three children squealed, “Mommy!” and tried to run to her, but I held them back as best I could. Marilyn was sitting up slightly, and her face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw them.
“You can’t jump on Mommy! She’s not feeling very good,” I told them.
“No, but if you climb up here carefully, I could really use a hug and a kiss!” she told them.
Charlie was first, and scrambled up the side of bed and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. Marilyn winced, but returned the kiss. I thought it better to lift the girls, and do it more gently than Charlie. First Holly and then Molly got to say hello and kiss her.
“Are you guys okay? Were you scared?”
I smiled when the girls said they had been scared, but Charlie said, “No! It was like the time I dumped the bike last fall at Endicott!” I just rolled my eyes at that, and tried to stifle a laugh. Trust a little boy to say he wasn’t scared, when I knew he had been terrified.
I only let them stay for about ten minutes, and then herded them out of the room. Then I stayed in the hallway with them, while Tusker and Tessa stuck their heads in. Tusker came out first, when the women started discussing ‘female shit’ (as he whispered to me.) Tessa came out ten minutes later.
Tessa said, “Okay. We’re taking the kids down to their room and waiting for the doctor to release them. Go see your wife and then come back and join us.” I went inside and saw Marilyn, who essentially gave me the same instructions. I kissed her goodbye and went downstairs.
Both Tessa and Tusker had a car seat in their cars, so we split the twins and stuffed Charlie in with Tusker, and they took off, followed by one of the security team. Then I went back upstairs. Marilyn was waiting there in her bed, and held her hand out for me. I took it, and she pulled me down to hug me. Then she pushed me upright. “You need to go home and take care of the kids.”
“I need to be with you,” I answered.
She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere. Tusker and Tessa have their own children. They can’t do both things. You need to go home and get them back into a normal mode.”
I knew she was right, but I argued anyway. “What about tomorrow?”
“When you get home, you need to call my parents. Maybe they can come down. If they can’t, you need to call some of the names on the babysitter list on the wall next to the kitchen phone. One of those girls will come out after church. They can watch the kids and you can come over here.”