As the doctor stood quietly on the landing listening out for her beautiful, troubled daughter to begin talking to herself, Lil wondered at how a life could be so plagued with problems and worries. She prayed that this child would have an easier time of it than her other children, that it would know at least a modicum of peace. This was her last chance to get it right and she knew it. She was focusing all her energy on this baby and the three younger children. She only hoped she wasn't wasting her time.
She heard Kathleen's voice then. She heard her talking to no one, but over the last few months she had listened intently and she knew that Kathleen thought there were at least two people with her.
She didn't really understand the conversations but Kathleen seemed to get some sort of benefit from them. She seemed happier somehow and that was what was so terrible. Lil just didn't know what to do and if the doctor didn't sort it out soon she knew that Pat was going to force Kathleen into a mental hospital. He was of the opinion that she should have been carted off ages ago, but he also knew that Kathleen's biggest fear was being put away. Of being perceived as mentally ill.
She had such a strange take on life; sometimes she washed everything she possessed and yet she wouldn't put any of it in the wardrobe or chest of drawers. Everything was hung on doors or folded up on the bed; it had to be in plain sight. She was not yet fifteen, and she was already being written off.
The doctor had heard enough and as he walked quietly back down the stairs, Lil followed him, her heart sore because she knew what he was going to say.
Eileen was in the back of her boyfriend's van. It was a warm night and her latest boyfriend, a thirty-year-old docker with brown eyes and a penchant for schoolgirls, was trying to talk her out of her top. She was happy enough with the kissing but somehow this was going a bit too fast for her now. He had her bra unhooked and her top up and she was having difficulty controlling the situation. As she pushed his hands away once again, he grabbed her wrists and, grinning, he pinned her arms to her sides. She lay back in her seat and looked at him warily. She had met him in a pub in Essex a few weeks earlier. He was a grown man and he made her feel like an adult. He treated her like a woman and now she was finding out exactly what that entailed.
'Listen, lady, don't prick-tease. I ain't hearing the word "no", do you understand me?'
Eileen was trying to force him away from her, trying to bring her arms up from where he had pinned them to her sides and he was laughing at her, he thought she was funny.
'Please, Nick. Please, let me go.'
He was watching her with interest; she was so young and so naive, just how he liked them. She was sweating with fear and he could see it glistening in the half-light. But he was not worried, she would give in, they always did. This was the excitement for him, the chase itself. She was so perfect, so innocent and her make-up just made her look younger, like a little girl dressing up in her mum's clothes. Her fear was making her pant and the sound was making him hard. A bead of sweat dripped from her chest and on to her belly; she was fighting to keep her modesty and attempting to pull down her top. But Nick Parks was an expert at this; he had popped more cherries than a fruit picker on speed.
'Please, Nick. I ain't done anything like this before.'
She was trying to reason with him, to make him understand that she had got herself in a position that she wasn't able for and that she wasn't mature enough to handle. She actually believed that he would stop what he was doing and take her home.
He was lowering her seat and she could feel herself being forced backwards and she knew that once she was horizontal she was finished. His hand was groping her and his knee was trying to force her legs apart. She regretted wearing a denim two-piece; the skirt was so short and the cropped jacket hardly covered her breasts. She had felt like an adult when she had put it on but now she wanted to cry. She was frightened and his tongue was raspy from the cigarettes he smoked and the speed he had snorted all night. He tasted disgusting and her stomach was rebelling against him and what he was doing. He was covering her mouth with his so she couldn't even call out and she was pinned to the car seat, unable to even move her face away from him, let alone anything else. She could sense the urgency inside him and feel the hardness of him against her thigh. He was pulling her knickers down, exposing her to the night, and she was mortified. She used all her strength and tried to buck him off her. It just made him laugh more.
'Come on, little girl, you've been leading me on all night and I ain't going nowhere until I get what I want.'
She was really crying now and Eileen knew that all the things her mother had told her were true; that most men just wanted one thing and when they got it they lost interest. She could feel the tears rolling down her face and Nick's knee was trying to force her legs apart when the van door opened.
Nick Parks looked behind him, ready to bawl someone out, when he felt himself being dragged bodily off the girl. He regarded himself as a reasonably hard nut and he took a swing at the man. It was only then that he saw there were two of them and that they were policemen.
Eileen jumped from the van as fast as she could and the young policemen saw she was trying to pull her clothes back into place.
'You all right, love?'
'Course she's fucking all right, we're courting.'
The way Nick was talking about her made Eileen wish she had never left the house and had never gone to the pubs in Ilford and Barking. She regretted the rush she had been in to grow up and get away from her family and the house full of people who loved her and wanted the best for her.
She started crying then. 'I want to go home… I just want to go home…'
Eileen was in a country lane somewhere and she had no cab fare. She was frightened that the policemen would leave her behind if she wasn't careful. The two policemen took pity on her, they could see the situation and they both wished they had a pound for every time they came across it. They'd never have to work again.
'What's your name, love?'
'Eileen. Eileen Brodie.'
'Get in the fucking van, you silly bitch and stop fucking about.'
Nick was trying to act like they were an item and he knew he was not being very convincing. But this child was making him look a mug. Another ten minutes and she'd have been popped and on her way home. He was still on the cusp and he wanted to do the dirty on her.
'Shut your trap and let the girl talk, will you?'
Nick was staring at her with a look of complete longing on his face and Eileen knew then how sneaky he could be.
'Come on, babe, you don't want to cause any trouble now, do you?'
He was the nice guy once more and his handsome face looked as if he had never had a bad thought. Eileen shook her head sadly.
'Can you take me home, please, or at least give me a lift to the train station?'
'Get in the car, love, we'll sort you out.'
She climbed into the police car then and she hated the feel of it.
'You had better watch out in the future, mate. Jailbait can get you in a lot of trouble. Now piss off.'
Nick drove off in his van and Eileen watched him go with tears running down her face. She didn't like all this growing-up lark, it was scary. Nick was the last in a long line of older men she seemed to gravitate to and she didn't know why. This was the first time that she had been frightened though. She had only ever teased them in the pub before this, giving them the talk and acting older than she was. Now she knew how dangerous that could be. The two policemen were young and friendly. The chattier of the two was called Andy and he offered her a lift home when his shift finished. She accepted his offer readily, just wanting to get away from this place and the situation she had got herself into.