Jambo understood that, he knew what men were capable of. He was an expert in hurting people himself and an expert in keeping himself out of trouble. But now Lil was asking him for no more than his time; no marriage, no partnership and no undying love. She was just asking that one of her kids had some kind of father figure. He couldn't refuse her and it surprised him that he didn't want to refuse her. She deserved this much at least and she wasn't asking him for more than he was ever going to be able to give.
'If you think I will be any kind of a role model, Lil Brodie, you are mad. I will do what you want but you got to make sure that I ain't walking into any trouble, OK? Your boys are fighting for the top prize and I don't want them to feel they need to hurt me to prove a point, you know.'
Lil smiled happily. 'Do you want to know a secret, Jambo? My boys are still young enough to listen to what I say and even when they are old enough to bury me, I will still have a fucking say in my own life. Don't worry, OK, just give this child a chance, an opportunity to see that the man who fathered them is interested in them and still on the scene, and me and you will never fall out.'
It was a threat and it wasn't a threat, Jambo knew that; like him, Lil spoke the words and let the listener decide what the meaning really was. He also knew that she was asking a lot from him, but he was already committed now, and also he was intrigued to see what the two of them had created. The colour of the child was not a problem, he knew; the one thing he was sure of was that none of Lil's children would ever question their own flesh and blood.
The child would be a nine-day wonder, but he knew Lil wouldn't care about that at all. He was in a catch-22; he had, on the one hand, Pat Junior, a boy who was already talked about with reverence and, on the other, he had Lance, a thug who had already put the hard word on him in private about his relationship with his mother. But Jambo knew that Lance had only been doing what Brewster had told him to do. Lance had been Brewster's gofer, his errand boy, and he had fucked him off with a hate that told Jambo it was about more than Brewster's usual dog in the manger. It was too close to home for the boy; Lance wanted him gone for his own personal reasons. He kept that gem of wisdom to himself though; he was happy for Lil to do what she thought was right. He also knew that nothing he said would change her mind anyway. Once Lil made up her mind that was that.
'I am keeping this baby under wraps for a while; no one has noticed yet anyway. I am letting you know what I want from you if it goes full-term, that's all.'
Jambo nodded once more.
'If that's what you want, Lil, then I am happy to go along with it as I already said. But I ain't promising you no more than what you asked, OK?'
Lil laughed then, a real hearty, loud and dirty laugh. 'Oh, dream on. I wouldn't want you, darling, if your knob was dripping with diamonds and you farted perfume.'
Now they were both laughing and Lil relaxed a little, happy she had for once done what she wanted and not waited to see what happened. This child would at least have a fighting chance in life, she was determined about that. And once the novelty of her situation wore off it would all work out somehow, she was sure. She had been through the worst that life could throw at anyone and she had survived. Older, harder and a little bit wiser but she was still managing to live through every day.
Now Patrick was home and he was trying to make amends for the past so she hoped that, sooner or later, life for this child inside her might just turn out to be easy.
Chapter Twenty-Four
'All right, Mum, let's sort this out, shall we?'
Patrick's voice was so reminiscent of his father's that it made Lil go cold. They were in the office of the club once more; it was different now, all fresh paint and cheap furniture. The club was the blind for the other businesses, as always.
But it was once again Lil's domain and she knew it. She enjoyed the way she was now, back on top; it was like years ago, when this had been her world. Lenny Brewster had snatched it away from her, taken everything that she had that made her feel a part of something bigger than her. And now she had it back; her life back, her self-respect back and, most of all, she was once more working at something she loved.
It might be a small victory to most people, but to Lil, after the years with Lenny, it was equivalent to the Pulitzer Prize.
Lil knew that the girls understood how she felt; in fact they were happy for her, most of them anyway. That is, the ones who had bothered to get to know her and understood Lil's craving for some kind of recognition, and for her need to be a part of the world she inhabited and that she loved.
'Sort what out?'
Lil was smiling at Pat innocently and she saw herself in his eyes and in his anger, not his father. Pat had her short temper and her ability to keep it in check if it was necessary. He was a clever boy, no doubt about that, and she loved him with all her heart. But he was also her son and her business partner, whether he liked it or not. She was the one he had left to put things back on track again. She would be the one who made the money that would give them their way of life. The taxman could climb all over this place and find nothing that would be cause for concern. She was the straight one out of them and he respected that; he knew she would never tuck her son up. You could only ever trust your own, most of the time anyway.
Patrick grinned and his white teeth made him look even more handsome than usual. He had dark Irish looks; his eyes were the giveaway, deep blue, framed with thick lashes that a woman would fight to make her own. He had the square-cut jaw and thick black hair that seemed to have a life of its own. Pat also had the appetite for the drink and that bothered Lil, as did his disregard for anything he felt as beneath his interest. That had been his father's downfall, not that anyone else would see that of course. Pat should have kept his own house in order, fuck everyone else's. If he had sorted the Williams brothers he would still be here now, and Spider knew that as well as she did.
'Are you pregnant, Mum?'
Lil stared into Pat's handsome face and suppressed the urge to slap his name out of the phone book. How dare the cheeky little fucker ask her that?
'Well, are you?' He was talking slowly now, as if she was stupid, as if she didn't understand what he was asking her.
'What has that got to do with you?' It was said with all the indifference she could muster and with all the bravado she possessed.
Pat sighed. 'So it's true, then?'
Lil had been dreading this, but she was still surprised that Pat had noticed so quickly. He had girls, but no one ever lasted more than a few days, so he had not even lived through a girlfriend's or a wife's pregnancy. He was so cute, he had noticed hers. One part of her wanted to cry because of that, but she wouldn't, of course. Lil didn't know what to say to him. She felt guilty, as if she had done something wrong, and that was because she felt she had. It wasn't him, it was her. Once more, she was giving birth and once more she was having a child that would ultimately become this boy's responsibility, like the others had. But she could no more dispose of this baby than she could have disposed of any of the others. It was the eighties and there was no longer any stigma for women who had children without the benefit of a wedding ring.
'I am a grown woman and if I want to have a baby, I'll have one. You are not my keeper, Patrick. You are my son and you have no right to question me about anything.'
Pat Junior looked into the eyes of the woman he loved more than he had ever loved anyone in his life and he shook his head in distress at her words. The anger she was displaying and the secrecy, the fact she was trying to conceal her condition from him and the other kids, hurt him. He didn't care what she did, why couldn't she see that? He loved her no matter what. This was the woman who had cared for him, loved him, visited him in prison and tried to fight his end all those years ago when his father had been murdered. This woman had given birth to two more children with Lenny Brewster because she had believed that they would give her and her kids some kind of security, because she had thought he would take care of her; thus enabling her to take care of them.