Lil lit a cigarette and tried to relax herself enough to give this son of hers at least a modicum of peace of mind. To make what had happened to them at least mean something to him and to her as well, if she was honest.
'Now this baby wasn't planned, Pat. Its father was someone I wanted, someone who wanted me. No love story or big drama to report, just two people finding a little bit of happiness together. And now I am pregnant again and, being a Catholic, having the child and doing the best I can, once more, is the only solution for me. Just like I did with all of you and, be fair, I never had it easy, did I? I'm not saying this so that you will pity me. I am just stating facts, that's all. But I did the best I could.'
Patrick shook his head, this time with exasperation. Lil could see the way he cared for her and she knew how lucky she was with them all, except Lance, but she didn't count him as hers. She saw him as her mother's.
'Oh, Mum. I have been so worried about you, that's all. I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy.'
'I don't want any trouble when the time comes. I will tell you everything, well almost everything, but don't hurt him or threaten him, none of you. I was just me when I was with him. Just Lil Diamond, not Patrick Brodie's wife or Lenny Brewster's bird or someone's mum. I was just me for once.'
She smiled gently then. Her relief that the secret was out made her look almost girlish once more, wiping the lines of fear and worry away with each word she spoke.
'One last thing, son.'
'What, Mum?'
Lil stared at him for long moments and he knew she was worried that he was going to lose any respect for her that he had. He waited for her to speak in case he said the wrong thing again. He knew that once he found out the culprit, he would sort the fucker out big time. In private and with a weapon, if needs be.
'What are you trying to tell me, Mum?'
'It's black, Patrick.'
Lance was collecting a debt that had been owed for many years. It was a big debt, fifteen grand. Patrick had bought it for two thousand but only because the person who had borrowed the money in the first place had exhausted every avenue trying to get it repaid. It was now a debt for seventeen thousand as it was not just the original debt that needed to be paid in full but also the money weighed out to purchase the debt in the first place. This was a good debt in more ways than one. It was a cheap debt to buy and so guaranteed a good return and it was also owed by a north London Face who needed to be brought down a peg or two.
Lance wanted to prove himself. He felt the need to show his brother that he could do things on his own and use his initiative and, more importantly, he didn't want Patrick having any dealings with Donny Barker unless he was present.
Lance knew his absence when Lenny was being outed was being whispered about; the gossip even said that he had been severely reprimanded. His absence had raised more than a few eyebrows, he knew. Kathleen and her problems were not really common knowledge; he knew that because he had made sure of it.
But there was still some talk about her though Lance always made sure the talkers realised their mistake. But Lance knew that he was not seen in the same light as his brother. He was determined to change that, he was determined to give his image a boost. He was going to make people respect him as they respected Patrick.
His brother had been lucky in so many ways; as the eldest, he had possessed the edge from birth. Their mother had always treated him with love whereas she had never once treated him with anything that even resembled love. Lance was convinced that everyone knew that she didn't care for him and that it was all pretend, that even now, she wouldn't speak directly to him if she could avoid it.
Lance loved Kathleen with the love he should have given to his mother if his mother had let him. Like him, Kathleen made his mother feel insecure, made her feel she had somehow fucked up, which of course she had. She thought she could pick and choose the children she wanted. Well, she couldn't.
His mother was the reason for everything bad that had happened to them all and she couldn't even admit it. So she dumped the blame on him and poor Kathleen. She was pregnant again; she produced children like other women shelled peas and with no shame or care for any of them, really. Another bastard would be produced by her and no one would be any the wiser as to who the father was. She didn't tell them anything, she didn't see it as any of their business. The girls, even his Kathleen, were all excited about it and acted like it was going to be some kind of joyous event. Yet not one of them had had the guts to mention it to her until she decided to tell them. Patrick wasn't even annoyed. He just wanted to know who the culprit was and if she was OK. No real bother about the fact she was knocked up once more, that another child would be produced and, knowing her, neglected. Patrick was so like her, he really didn't give a toss what people thought or how people perceived them as a family.
Well, one day she would see what she had done to them all, he would make sure of that. Lance knew so much about all of them and he never said a word but that could change, of course. If the need to open up presented itself he would not feel bad about it at all. It would not be the first time he had spilled the beans and he had a feeling it would not be the last.
Donny Barker walked out of his safe house then. Lance slipped out from the car he had stolen earlier that night and, walking over the road nonchalantly, he beat the older man to his vehicle. Donny was alone, a rare occurrence in his world, but, having seen Lance, he didn't feel any kind of fear. In fact, he smiled in recognition. Anyone observing them would have assumed that they were old mates or at least business associates of some description. But if they saw the look that was on Lance's face then they would realise that he wasn't smiling at all. In fact, he actually looked like most people's worst nightmare.
Eileen and the three younger kids were watching TV as usual. It was Saturday evening and they were all curled up on the sofa watching the A-Team and laughing at their antics.
Shamus, Colleen and Christy were used to being left to their own devices when their mother was working. It was strange, but they had known from an early age that without her out grafting, their lives would be a lot harder.
Unlike the others, who had been lucky enough to have a father who had been there at least some of the time for them, the three youngest had never had that kind of security.
And now Colleen and Christopher's father was out of their orbit, once and for all, they didn't really feel anything about him at all. Lenny Brewster had not really been a part of their lives ever, so his death actually meant nothing to them. The rumours around and about were rife and they had heard a whisper now and again about him but, in actual fact, they were not bothered one way or the other. Eileen knew the score, she had already put two and two together for herself and, like her younger siblings, accepted it as part and parcel of their lives.
She still had the odd flashback to the night her father had been murdered; as young as she was, she still remembered some of it with stunning clarity. This was usually when she least expected it and usually when she really didn't need the reminder. Pat Junior had never celebrated a birthday since and it wasn't through want of trying either. Their mum had tried her hardest to make the day a celebration rather than the anniversary of their father's death. Now though, none of them bothered. Patrick really didn't want the reminder and, as they had all got older, neither did any of them. Though they had always tried to make an effort for young Shamus's birthday, despite it coming so quickly after.
Eileen glanced at the clock. She would give it five minutes and then start getting herself ready to go out for the evening. At nearly fifteen years old she knew she looked much older. She also knew that if she didn't get out of this house on a regular basis, her twin sister's madness would infect her as well. She would never refer to Kathleen as mad in any way out loud but in her head she could think what she liked and she did. Frequently.