“Well, feed the bloody birds,” Diana said. “You’ve been the new lot’s panto villain so long, the only surprise is they haven’t nailed you to a beanstalk.”
“Picturesquely put. You’re aware that it’s temporary?”
“We’re a democracy. All governments are temporary.”
“That would be the undergraduate answer. But what I meant was, give it a little time and the new lot, as you put it, will embrace certain realities.” Satisfied with his eyebrows, Judd turned, shot his cuffs, and leaned against the sink. “One of which is me. Electoral power is all very well, but it does tie one down to accountability and appearances and all that nonsense. After a while, you come to appreciate the quiet efficiency of influence.”
“I’m not sure that quiet efficiency is a phrase people associate with you.”
“But you’re as aware as I am that more gets done outside the public gaze than ever passes before it. And that the bedrock of our system doesn’t shift whatever colour flag we’re flying. Like it or not, Diana, you’re walking proof that we’re all subject to forces above and beyond our nationally accepted pieties. I am—well, modesty forbids. But if not one of those actual forces, I am one of those through whom it flows.”
“You mean, you’ve whored yourself out for so long and so thoroughly, you’ve lost all sense of nationhood. I think we all know that. But do you really think a new government will revert to type quite so quickly?”
“I think they’ll swiftly appreciate that their new-found allies in the shires and the suburbs might have made a difference on election day, but they’re bugger-all use when it comes to the heavy lifting of global intercourse. For that, you need experience, a willingness to accept a certain latitude when it comes to human rights, and the mother of all address books.” If he was attempting to suppress a smirk here, he wasn’t successful. “I appreciate that those qualities aren’t necessarily trumpeted from the front bench, but they’re warmly welcomed where deals are actually done. Whether that’s a London club, a Hong Kong casino or a Dubai brothel.”
“In other words, some things never change.”
“Not even the personnel, Diana. Not in any meaningful way. A few token sink estate brats aside, the paths to power are where they always were, and lead through the same school gates. And it’s difficult to maintain a stony silence when you’re side by side at a fundraiser for the alma mater. No, I’m confident that in time, relationships will flourish, friendships blossom, and my worth as a power broker come to be valued for what it is. An indispensable national asset. But until that happy day, I find myself a little short of . . . warm welcomes. Which throws me back onto your company.”
“And that’s why we’re sharing a toilet? It’s nice to be wanted, but you’d be better off strengthening bonds with your former colleagues upstairs. At least they’re not embarrassed to be seen in your company.”
“Come come. It takes more than my presence to embarrass you. No, the only thing that might would be if it became common knowledge quite how close our relationship has been. And I’m not talking about our early-days dalliance, you understand.”
She understood.
“Which brings me to my point. Excuse me while I multitask.” He stepped to the toilet, unzipped himself, and with his back to her kept on talking. “Been following the news lately?”
“No, I generally change channel and watch Friends. Of course I follow the fucking news. I’m First Desk.”
“Then you’ll know there’s dissatisfaction in certain quarters regarding the proposed UN resolution about ownership of territories in the South China Sea.”
And here it was: The second boot hitting the floor. The moment she’d known would arrive, ever since he’d told her that the money she’d spent wreaking justice on a Russian assassin had been converted from Chinese yuan.
“Now, if the UK were to indicate that it won’t be supporting such a proposition . . . that would be really, really useful.”
To his Beijing backers, he meant.
It wouldn’t be impossible to kill him here and now. Hold his head down in the bowl. The satisfaction of the moment would see her through much of what followed: arrest, trial, imprisonment. But he was still talking:
“And given my current lack of access to the places that matter, my, ah, silent partners—you remember, I told you about them—my silent partners were wondering whether you might lend your own influence to their cause. Ah, here we go.” His stream hit the bowl, and he gave a little sigh before continuing. “It would make them very happy, and you know what they say. A happy silent partner is a . . . silent silent partner.”
Diana said, “This is dangerous territory. It could easily be interpreted as treasonous.”
“Lucky for me, then, I’m simply having a private conversation with an old friend.” This was accompanied by a hefty shake. “A friend, I might say, who is herself compromised beyond her ability to report our conversation without revealing her indebtedness to those partners we’re discussing.” He flushed, then tucked himself away and zipped up. When he turned around Diana stepped aside, allowing him access to the sink.
“So if we follow this train to its station, what we’re left with is quite straightforward. Should you find it within yourself to drop the appropriate word in the appropriate pairs of ears, then any possibility of an embarrassing indiscretion or two ups and disappears. Whoof!”
She said, “Tell me you’re joking.” From the lobby came the sound of footsteps and a cackle of laughter. The door handle rattled. “Fuck. Off.” Someone fucked off. Judd, meanwhile, was smiling the beatific smile of one for whom joking was a foreign language. In this case, probably Mandarin. “I’m a civil servant. I don’t steer the government, I abide by its rule of law. The idea that I might dictate policy is ludicrous.”
“We both know you’re more than that. Your word carries weight. And you’ve more experience than the cabinet put together. These people are all at sea and desperately need a navigator. The few sensible minds among them are aware of this. You’ll be listened to. And it won’t be difficult to construct a sound, real-world reason why Britain should want to ally itself with the next great global power, instead of the United Fading States.”
Diana shook her head. “They may turn out to be another coalition of gonks, but they’ve been itching for power for a decade and a half. Whereas I’ve been First Desk for the last sixteen prime ministers, or whatever it is, all of them from the other side. They don’t look on me as an ally. It’s a wonder I still have a job.”
“Well, why don’t you just do your best?” Judd was working the mirror again, straightening his tie. “All I ask.”
“All you ask, in its bare bones, is treason.”
“That’s a very narrow-minded way of looking at a business proposition. I’m a patriot, Diana. I would die for this country, should the need arise. But until it does, I have a family to feed and a career to pursue. And this is currently the course of action that satisfies those needs. I trust you won’t make things difficult for me.”
Again, the image seized her of his head down that toilet bowl. An Eton education: It wouldn’t be his first time . . . The last feeble thrashings of his limbs. A curtain pulled down.
“What’s your timetable on this . . . fantasy?”
“It’s oh-so-tempting to say twenty-four hours. But you’ve a little longer than that. Shall we say the end of the week? Less dramatic, but we can’t have everything.”