“Lucius, Oliver, and Kline will try to sleep until the next wave. Victoria, it’s your turn to watch with me,” Peter said.
It was my second round to lie down and rest. Next round I would be on watch.
***
Unsure how long it had been, I was shaken awake. I sat up quickly. Somehow I had managed to sleep.
Kline was standing over me, his finger over his lips.
“They're attacking?” I whispered.
“No. Come with me.”
I followed him away from the camp of restless players trying to sleep. Checking my menu, it was 4:23 am. I had slept maybe 45 minutes. It had been enough.
Character Status
Player Name: Lucius
Leveclass="underline" 17
Health Points: 272
Endurance Points: 420
Combat Leveclass="underline" Unknown?
Strength: 31
Dexterity: 47
Endurance: 42
Strength +1, Dexterity +2, Endurance +3
Today’s growth was the highest yet! It might not seem like a lot but my endurance had already increased by 15% in four days. I just had to keep pushing my body to the breaking point each day and my stats would soar! Whatever they were pumping me full of was working.
We found a well shadowed, mostly quiet section of wall. He turned and faced me.
“Victoria told me what happened.”
I was speechless, but I should have seen this coming.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Swallowing deeply, I tried to answer. This was Kline. As an athlete, he might be able to help. Actually, as a professional fighter, he might be the perfect person.
“After seeing Cornelius fight…”
“You felt like a bunny rabbit trying to swim with sharks?”
“Eh… I guess.”
“He's pretty impressive. Cornelius.”
“He is.”
“Did you freeze when you saw us fighting the hobgoblin?” he asked softly. There was no accusation in his tone.
I looked down and stared at the heavily trotted grass. “No. Not exactly. The hobgoblin has something to do with it, but it wasn’t fear that stopped me. I can’t compete with Cornelius. Or you, Oliver, Peter.”
He nodded as he took in every word. “I can’t complete with him either. Yet. What do you think held you back?”
“I wish I knew. I felt like I would get in the way, I guess. Becoming a pro gamer has been my goal for years, but being here, seeing how I compare to real fighters… Everything I have been working for feels fake.”
“Are you going to quit?”
Looking up, I felt like I had just been hit in the gut. “No. Never!”
“Why not?”
My mouth opened, but I found no words.
“Lucius. Not knowing what you are fighting for is one of the most deadly diseases a fighter can catch. I believe you when you say you aren’t going to quit. You have a problem that is just as serious. Your body may still be able and your mind may be sharp, but without motivation, your loss to a driven opponent is inevitable, even if he’s inferior to you. Only you can find the answer. What is worth fighting for?”
I wiped my forehead, then sat my chin into my palm to think. Going pro, proving my father wrong, and impressing my fans seemed to have lost their appeal. How could something go from the most important to meaningless overnight?
It was over a minute before I responded. “Why do you fight?”
“That’s easy. I want to remind people that there is a difference between martial arts and fighting in virtual reality. To grow stronger. To reach the height of legends, a level that only men like Cornelius have reached. Since the beginning of the human race, before war and conflict, men have always had a competitive spirit. Have you ever met two brothers that didn't grow up wrestling? We are designed for competition. Combat sports are the ultimate way to challenge yourself. Now you have seen a master in action and are just realizing what so many have before you.”
“What's that?” I yearned for the same passion he had.
“The universe is bigger than you ever imagined. You have just gotten a taste of what real strength looks like. Cornelius is amazing, but there are others that have gone further. They have found a reason to push themselves, not just to fight, but to train for decades and face harder and harder challenges to find out what their limit is. To surpass it if possible.”
It seemed familiar. “I think I understand. It has been the same for me trying to reach the highest levels of gaming. That just doesn’t seem very appealing when everyone’s getting hurt.”
“Being the best, or having people praise you are both enough to motivate some, but after getting hurt as you did you realize being the best gamer or even the best fighter wouldn’t heal your back. Perhaps being the best isn’t where you should look. Maybe becoming the best will help you achieve the real goal that you are passionate about. You are at a crossroad, Lucius. You must decide if it’s worth it.”
“If what is?”
“The way I see it, what you’re fighting for isn’t the question you should be asking. Ask yourself, is there anything worth getting hurt for?”
“Oh…”
“After you find the answer, it’s a question you will have to wake up and ask yourself every morning for the rest of your life.”
***
There was no sleeping after my conversation with Kline even as I lay there trying. His questions kept playing back and forth in my mind as if they were trying to strangle me in their grip.
I hadn't yet looked at my fan page. There was probably damage done after I had held Victoria back, but it could wait until later.
I switched with Peter and Victoria. It was time for Oliver and me to keep watch. Even though I saw no danger of falling asleep I stood and joined Oliver as he kept both eyes on the goblin camp.
***
Grub. We are talking about sausage in some kind of white gravy that they were passing off as breakfast soup. It was basically like eating all-you-could-eat meat gravy. I know what you’re thinking. That it was probably as disgusting as goblin paddies. But after an endless rollercoaster of exhaustion and recovery, just to do it all over again, it tasted like a miracle food.
The NPC merchants were taking care of us this morning after last night's attack. There were a few that had stayed outside the gate to try and help even if they weren’t fighters. It was brave considering we were already shut out and our small numbers compared to the enemy meant we could be overrun and killed. Also, if they died, they stayed dead. I had never seen anything like this in a game. The players and NPCs were acting as one big community. They weren’t giving out quests, but everyone was helping with what needed to be done. No questions asked.
“How are you doing?” Victoria asked, sitting on a large brown wool blanket next to mine.
From my own blanket, I responded, “Good.” The rest of the group was standing, their bowls in their hand while talking to a neighboring group. “I can't believe you betrayed my trust and told on me, though.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yup. You're definitely back to normal. Was Kline able to help?”
“He kept going on about swimming bunnies.”
“What?”
“I know, right?”
“Was that all?” she asked under her breath, looking down, stirring her gravy.
I swallowed the sudden knot in my throat. It wouldn't hurt me to be straight with her.
“I don’t know. He got all philosophical.”
She ignored my lighthearted jab. “I’m really sorry for what I said. I just want you to be okay, and I don’t know what to do.”
“There is nothing to forgive. You have done more to help than anyone else.”
Her eyes darted back and forth, fighting back tears.
I scooted closer to her, not sure what to do. “Victoria. I’m okay, really. You know how I mentioned about wanting to become a pro gamer?”