"Fernando, get rid of them," Shane Billiken ordered. Behind the two, Shane Billiken noticed Fernando pointing at the open door. He kept pointing. Shane blinked. He noticed the door was not there. Then he saw a corner of it lying out in the circular driveway. The corner was splintered.
"Hey, what'd you do to my door?" he demanded.
"Let us see the princess and we won't do a repeat demonstration on every door in the place," the white man said.
Shane Billiken hesitated. Then he said, "Okay, c'mon into the Crystal Room."
The pair followed him into a room adjoining the den. It was decorated in early psychedelic. The ceiling was a flat black. The walls were covered with astrological signs. Shane Billiken hit a light switch and black light tubes mounted flush to the ceiling made the astrology symbols jump into Day-Glo orange.
The old Oriental looked about the room approvingly. "You consult the stars?" he inquired.
"I'm one of the foremost astrological technicians of the New Age."
"Perhaps when we have concluded our discussion, you will cast my chart."
"Sure. I do it all the time. What's your sign?"
"Leo. I am a Leo by Western reckoning. But according to the ways of my village, I was born in the Year of the Screeching Monkey."
"Oh, yeah? That's a long time ago. I think."
"There are older things. I am Chiun, Master of Sinanju."
"Sinanju. Not Sinanchu?" said Shane Billiken suspiciously.
"In some lands, it is pronounced Sinanchu."
"Yeah, what lands?"
"Moo."
"Say again?"
"Moo."
"I guess this is where the animal impressions start," the white said. "My name's Remo, by the way, and I don't know what's going on any more than you do."
"Your ignorance, I am used to," Chiun told Remo. "But I do not understand how this enlightened one does not understand of what I speak."
"Him? Enlightened? This place looks like a sixties hangout."
"This is my Crystal Room," said Shane Billiken. "I do all my deep meditations here. If you look around you, you'll see that embedded into the walls are tiny crystal generators. They act to focus the odyllic energy that flows through the universe into this nexus room."
Remo looked. Embedded in the stucco wall were tiny shards. Remo touched one.
"These feel like glass."
"Crystals. Adventurine."
"Looks like glass to me. And now that I see you in person, you remind me of someone."
Shane Billiken puffed up his chest proudly. "Is that so?" he remarked.
"Yeah, but I can't place the face. I used to be good with faces. "
"This give you a hint?" asked Shane, strumming on an imaginary guitar. He threw his head back as if singing. Remo rubbed his chin in thought. Finally he snapped his fingers and called out, "Elvis. Elvis Presley."
"No! Roy Orbison."
Remo frowned. "Did he die too?"
"I wish," Shane Billiken growled.
"Enough," Chiun said. "Let us get on with this. Explain to me, Shane Billiken, how you are ignorant of Moo when I saw you in the company of the Low Moo on television."
"Low Moo?" Remo and Shane Billiken asked in the same breath.
"Yes, the girl. Her highness. You spoke of her as the princess of a lost civilization. She obviously told you that."
"Yeah, she did. Sorta."
"Then you know her plight."
"Well, kinda."
"And even though she entreated you to take her to the Master of Sinanju, you forbore to do so."
"I for-what to do so?"
"He means you refused," Remo said, new interest in his face.
"What do you know about this?"
"Less than nothing," Remo said sourly.
"I demand to speak with the Low Moo," said Chiun. "Take us to her."
"You're not cops?"
"We represent the longest continuing line of true assassins in history," the old Oriental said proudly.
"Hey, it's cool," Shane said nervously. "I'm very nonjudgmental. It's like I always say: Be the best you can possibly be. But let's all get clear on one concept. Princess Sinanchu doesn't speak English. If I let you see her, I'm gonna have to translate every word she says."
"Not necessary," said Chiun loftily. "I speak her language as well as you."
"You do?"
"Yes."
The old Oriental sounded serious, and Shane Billiken hesitated momentarily. But if what he said was true, he'd probably be able to tell him who or what Princess Sinanchu really was. Not that Shane Billiken believed the old Oriental. He was acting pretty crazy, making barnyard sounds and spouting double-talk.
"Okay," he said at last. "Come with me."
Shane Billiken led Remo and Chiun to another room. It was a bedroom. He switched on the light and the girl blinked out of her sleep. She wore the same costume she had worn on TV. Her eyes were puffy-either from lack of sleep or tears, Remo decided.
"Princess Sinanchu," said Shane Billiken in a self-important voice, "I bring visitors who say they know you." Princess Sinanchu sat up on the edge of the bed. Her eyes went to the old Oriental. He spoke. Her mouth opened like a surprised flower. She began speaking.
"Juilli do Banda Sinanchu?"
The old Oriental stepped up to the bedside and inclined his balding head in respect.
"Let me translate that," said Shane Billiken. "She said that she is Princess Sinanchu, of the lost continent of Atlantis. "
The Oriental whirled on him suddenly.
"What lies are these? Are you deaf? She just asked me if I am the Master of Sinanju. Now, still your false tongue. This is a historic moment."
And Chiun faced the girl again. He spoke. To Shane Billiken's surprise, his words sounded very much like the girl's. The same inflections and accents.
"Do juty da Banda Sinanchu," he said firmly.
The girl rose from the bed and, sobbing, poured out a torrent of words. She pulled the leather pouch from under her costume and spilled the coins at the old Oriental's sandaled feet.
Shane Billiken drifted up to get a closer look at the coins. The guy named Remo got in his way.
"Like he said, this is a historic moment, Elvis."
"I thought you didn't know what was going on here."
"I don't. I'm just along for the ride."
Shane backed off.
As he watched, the girl and Chiun exchanged an excited volley of words in the same strange language. During the course of their talk, Princess Sinanchu fell to her knees and began to cry into her hands. The old Oriental laid a tender hand on her lustrous hair. He made sympathetic clucking sounds, like a father to a frightened child. When at last the princess found her composure, the Master of Sinanju turned to Shane Billiken.
"The Low Moo has told me how you rescued her from the sea."
"We're Soul Mates. Did she tell you that?"
"And how you housed her and fed her."
"Yeah, I've been good to her. You see, she was my wife when I was King of Atlantis about seven or eight million years ago."
"And for those mercies," continued Chiun, "I will not slay you for the lies you speak to me now."
"What do you mean, lies? We were husband and wife in Atlantis. Disprove it if you can."
"Atlantis is a fraud, perpetrated by that Greek Plato to trick sailors into going to sea in search of it."
"Bull!"
"It is well known among my people that Plato had a relative who built boats. The story of Atlantis was but a scheme to drum up trade."
"That's ridiculous. She's a princess."
"That much is true."
"It is? I mean, I know it is! What I want to know is how come you speak her language when the best language experts in the world say her tongue is unknown'?"
"Because truly it is a lost tongue. Or one believed to be lost. I know it only because my ancestors passed it down from generation to generation so that we, at least, would not forget."
"Forget what?"
"Moo."
"There he goes again," Remo sighed.