As she drove along Victoria Park Drive North, heading for Balshagray Avenue, she got stopped behind a bus that had pulled in to pick up passengers. She turned her head to see a bunch of kids and adults playing in the park and was at once taken back to snowy days with her dad when she was young. He always seemed to be there, no matter how much work she now knew he must have been doing. He’d take her and her pals sledging, build snowmen and happily be pelted with snowballs until they tumbled home cold and wet to Mum, who would always greet them with a despairing shake of the head that she didn’t mean. A car horn blared impatiently behind her, dragging her back to the present, and she stuck an apologetic arm up at the other driver as she moved off.
Twenty-five minutes later she took a deep breath and closed the car door, the nursing home in front of her. She pulled her coat tightly to her, hugging it as much for comfort as for protection against the snow flurry, and made her way down the path into Clober Nursing Home. She hadn’t phoned ahead and had no idea if it was visiting time or not but she was going to see him anyway. Good luck to anyone who tried to stop her.
As it turned out, she hadn’t even finished stamping the snow from her feet when a concerned-looking young woman came up to her and opened the inner door to allow her inside. Something about her rush to help made Narey uneasy.
‘Miss Narey, isn’t it? Come on in. It’s terrible out there. You have to wonder how long this weather can keep up. The snow is nice at first but I’ll be glad to see the back of it.’
The heat hit Narey immediately. Even for someone who hated the cold as much as she did, this was excessive. She tugged her coat off, eager to escape the stifling temperature.
‘I know. It’s hot, isn’t it?’ the woman sympathised. ‘We have to have the heating up at full blast for the residents. We can’t take any chances with them and it’s freezing out there.’
A resident. Was that what her father had become? She thought of him as many things: a protector, a provider, a parent, a rock, but not a resident. Never that. She followed the staff member through the corridors of the home till they came to the day room where she knew her dad was usually to be found. They kept going though, past a bunch of old dears who sat together, some chatting, some looking out the window at the falling snow. Narey was about to ask why he wasn’t there when it occurred to her that she perhaps didn’t want to hear the answer.
They continued until they reached her dad’s room and, after the most cursory of knocks, the carer opened the door and stuck her head round it.
‘Mr Narey? How are you, Mr Narey? Your daughter’s here to see you… No, no, your daughter.’
Narey eased her way past the woman and stepped into the room, recoiling instantly as she saw him propped up in bed with his head bandaged. Even worse, he just looked at her blankly, clearly trying to work out who she was.
She hurried over to his side, sat on the edge of the bed and hugged him. He let her do it, neither hugging her back nor trying to stop her. After a bit, he put his arms on her shoulders and eased her away from him so he could take a look at her.
He sat like that for what seemed like an age until she saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes and he smiled a smile that warmed her world.
‘Rachel? How are you, love?’
‘Fine, Dad. Fine. How are you though?’
‘I’m all right; maybe not quite myself this morning. Not sure what’s wrong with me.’
She traced a finger gently across the side of his head.
‘Looks like you’ve had a bit of a bump. I think maybe that’s the reason.’
Her dad’s eyes opened wider in confusion and his own hand reached for his head, following where her finger had been.
‘Oh. I don’t… I don’t know how that happened.’
Narey fought back the anger that choked in her throat and just smiled at him.
‘It’s okay. It doesn’t look too bad. Listen, I’m just going to have a word with the nurse. It’s so warm in here. I think I’ll need to get them to turn the heating down. I’ll be back in a minute.’
She kissed him on the cheek, comforted again by the smile he rewarded her with. But as she turned, her own smile vanished and she went looking for the carer who had brought her in. She didn’t have far to look: the woman was still standing outside her dad’s room. Narey took hold of her elbow and led her further down the corridor to make sure he didn’t hear.
‘What the hell happened to him?’
‘He fell, Miss Narey. Sorry, I thought you knew and that was why you were here.’
‘No, I bloody well didn’t know. How did he manage to fall? Was no one looking after him?’
‘Yes, of course, but we can’t be with them all the time. Your father’s been getting a bit more unsteady on his feet and he tripped over a plant pot and he… he hit his head against the wall.’
‘You can’t be with him all the time? Then what the hell are we paying you people for? How would you like it if I hit your head against the wall?’
The moment the words were out of her mouth Rachel regretted them. She saw the fright in the woman’s eyes and knew she had the wrong target.
‘Where’s the person in charge? I’m not happy about this. Not happy at all.’
‘Mrs McBriar. She’s probably in her office.’
‘You go find her. Tell her that I’ll want to see her after I’ve spoken to my dad. And make sure she knows I’m not a happy bunny.’
The nurse backed away, obviously happy to be getting away from the crazy daughter. Narey watched her go, mentally kicking herself for losing her temper the way she had. She wasn’t finished on that front, not by a long way, but she’d keep it together.
‘Hi there,’ she said to her dad as she slipped back into the room. ‘You miss me?’
For the second time in as many minutes, she regretted the words that fell from her lips. Clearly he couldn’t have missed her; he’d forgotten she’d ever been there.
‘Rachel! What a wonderful surprise. You didn’t say you were coming.’
‘No. Sorry, Dad. I thought I’d just drop by.’
‘Sorry? Don’t be daft. You never have to be sorry for coming to visit your old dad.’
‘You’re not old.’
‘Ha. Who are you kidding? Come over here.’
She sat on the bed again and let him hug her. Funny, it felt so much better than when she had to hug him. He kissed her on her forehead. He could sense her sadness and was making her feel better, the way he always did.
‘We need to get you out of here, Dad.’
‘No we don’t. We’ve been through this. This is the best place for me. I’m a silly old bugger. I fell yesterday and cracked my head. Silly old bugger.’
‘You’re my silly old bugger,’ she told him as she nuzzled into him.
Her dad laughed but it was an empty sound that coughed and died on the soft skin of her neck. She hugged him tighter and they both let their tears flow. She made a mental note to make sure those were the last tears she would shed that day; instead they would fuel her anger when she went to see the woman in charge.
Mrs McBriar was waiting for her, of course. She sat tense and upright behind her desk, quickly getting to her feet as Narey strode into her office. A handshake was offered and grudgingly accepted before Narey sat opposite the nursing home’s owner and stared her down.
‘Well?’
‘Miss Narey, your father is, I’m sorry to say, rather unwell. His condition is deteriorating quicker than we might have expected.’
The answer wasn’t, in any sense, the one Narey wanted to hear but it took some of the wind, or at least the heat, out of her sails.
‘Mrs McBriar, how often do residents here fall and injure themselves in this way?’
‘It happens. Rarely. By the very nature of old people, they can be frail and unsteady on their feet.’
‘My father is neither old nor frail.’