Honor stared at him, her expression going from surprised to skeptical. “What the hell, Liam? So you’re saying the last two years have been nothing but a big power trip on your part, to punish me? I apologize, lay myself bare in person even though I knew you might reject me anyway, and it didn’t do a damn bit of good.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was a fucking idiot to not realize what I was doing. I wasted so much time we could have been together and I can’t make up for that. All I can do is try to make it work now.” It sounded lame, even to him, but he meant it. He’d lost her once. He wasn’t letting it happen a second time.
Muttering a curse she broke eye contact and sat up, wincing at the movement.
Liam shifted to the couch and sat next to her, ignoring the way she stiffened. He didn’t want this to escalate into another big fight. “Put your head back and let me help,” he told her.
She shot him a hard look. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
She stared at him for a moment. “If you decided all that while you were over there, then why did you wait so long to contact me? And two measly e-mails, Liam? Really?”
“They’ve been running us ragged over there.” Relief slid through him when her expression softened a tiny bit. “We’ve been out constantly at different bases and command’s getting close to finding the guy behind the base attack.” Safir, the guy’s name was. Liam still wasn’t sure why they’d yanked them out of Bagram and sent them back here at such a critical time. “This training exercise gave me the perfect opportunity to come see you and apologize in person.”
“Even if I forgave you for what you did—and I’m not saying I do—why should I trust you after the way you treated me? What’s to say you wouldn’t do the same damn thing again if I screwed up at some point down the road?”
“I wouldn’t. Not ever again, I swear. God, I’ve missed you so damn much you don’t even…” He sucked in a steadying breath. “I still love you, Honor. I want you back.” When her gaze darted away and he saw the way her shoulders stiffened, he held up his hand again. “Don’t say anything about it right now. Just think about what I said. Don’t kick me out of your life again.” It would break me. He didn’t dare say that aloud. He’d bared himself to an appalling extent already and even though he knew it was necessary, he was squirming inside.
Her only answer was a slight dip of her chin, a tiny nod of consent.
And just like that his ribcage seemed to expand, allowing him his first full breath since he’d arrived here tonight. “So will you let me rub your neck now?”
Eyeing him warily for a long moment, obviously suspicious of his motives, she relented and put her head back. Thankfully she didn’t move away when he slid his hand beneath the nape of her neck. Her skin was hot, the muscles at the back of her neck corded as he began to squeeze and knead them with his fingers.
Despite her initial resistance Honor closed her eyes and groaned in relief. He kept the pressure gentle for the first few minutes, increasing it only when he felt her soften and relax. She smelled good, like raspberries. From the base of her skull to the tops of her shoulders he worked the muscles. An easy silence gradually settled between them. He massaged her neck for the better part of fifteen minutes until she sighed and all but melted back against the cushions.
He gave her nape one last gentle squeeze. “Better?”
“Much,” she answered without opening her eyes. “Thank you.”
“Welcome.” Withdrawing his hand, he sat up but didn’t shift away from her. When she opened her eyes to look at him, hope bubbled up inside him at the fleeting, soft look she gave him. Then her expression turned serious and he knew what was coming.
“So what do you want, exactly?”
“Another shot with you.”
She gave a tiny shake of her head, eyes widening. “Nothing’s changed on my end. My family’s crazy, but they’re still my family. I might not have any contact with them right now, but that could change if I decide to see them at some point down the road. I’m not ruling that out for anyone.”
“I get that, and I respect that.” When she seemed surprised, he continued. “The issue I had before was that you wanted to hide us—me—from them and everyone else.”
“Trust me, the cat’s long since out of the bag on that front,” she said in a dry voice. “They’re well aware of where I stand on the issue of them versus you and anyone else in my personal life. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to forgive you and jump back into a relationship. You had plenty of opportunity to give me another chance before, and didn’t. So you’ll have to excuse me for not believing this time’s any different.”
“I understand why you’d think that, but I guarantee this time is different.” He wouldn’t make the same mistakes he had in the past. Honor was everything he wanted in a woman and he should have fought harder for her the first time. He’d let pride dictate his actions and they’d both paid the price. Never again.
She regarded him a moment then pushed out a hard breath. “What do you want from me, then?”
“I want you, Honor,” he said simply. “I thought I was over you, tried like hell to believe it. But the truth is I’m never gonna get over you. It just took me a long time to figure it out and admit it to myself. Too long, and for that I’m so sorry.” His heart drummed a hard rhythm against his ribs. He felt more exposed than if he’d been standing stark naked in front of her as he awaited her reply.
She looked away, shaking her head. “Liam…”
“Don’t answer right now,” he rushed out. “Just think about it, okay? All I want is for you to think about giving us another chance.” He paused a moment, gathering his courage. This wasn’t easy but it had to be done. “I know I hurt you when you felt forced to choose between your family and me. And again when I wouldn’t accept your apology and ignored you for so long. My reasons were stupid, I know that now, so there’s no excuse and I won’t even try to defend my actions.”
Surprise flashed across her face, then she nodded once. “Thank you.”
He nodded back. “I know we’ve both made mistakes and done some pretty hurtful things in the past, but if you think about it, it was all external stuff that we allowed to break us up. You and I together was never the problem. We were great together and I don’t want to live without you anymore. I just hope you still care about me enough to let me back in.” Dammit, he wanted to touch her so badly. “I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.” He just needed her to give him time to prove it.
Her gaze shifted to his once more, and he read the indecision there. Indecision wasn’t a flat out no, so he took heart and seized the opening it gave him. “Let me take you on a date on Saturday.”
One strawberry-blond eyebrow shot up. “A date,” she said, sounding skeptical.
He nodded. “Saturday.”
She still looked hesitant. “I don’t know if that’s—”
“No sex,” he added quickly.
She gave him a bland look.
“I’m serious. Just an honest-to-God date. Let me take you out so we can spend some time together. Get reacquainted with each other, remember what it was we liked so much about each other in the first place.” So I can make you fall in love with me again. He was pretty sure he could do it, because he knew she still had strong, deep feelings for him. It would take a lot more than one date, but he was willing to put in whatever effort was required.
She hesitated an agonizing half-minute before answering. “I’ll think about it.”
Again, it wasn’t a no, so he’d take it. “Okay.” Though he’d love to stay, just to be near her, be able to look at her and spend time together, he didn’t want to push his luck. He pushed to his feet instead. “Need anything else before I go?”
“No, I’m good.”