‘Why are our children less provided for than yours?’
‘Because you have neither slaves nor property. My wife is much inclined to Christianity. She even at one time wished to give up our way of life, and I intended to go away with her. But she feared the insecurity and poverty she foresaw for the children, and I could not but agree with her. That was at the time of my illness. My whole way of life was repulsive to me just then and I wished to abandon it. But my wife’s fears, and the explanation given me by the physician who was treating me, convinced me that though a Christian life as you live it may be right and possible for people who have no family, it is impossible for family people, or for mothers with children: that with your outlook life itself – the human race – would cease to exist. And it seems to me that that is quite correct. So your appearance with a son greatly surprised me.’
‘Not only a son – there is also one at the breast and a three-year-old girl, who have remained at home.’
‘But I don’t understand it! Not so long ago I was ready to give up everything and become one of you. But I had children, and it was clear to me that, however good your life might be for myself, I had no right to sacrifice my children. So for their sake I remained here, living as before, that they might be brought up in the conditions in which I myself grew up and have lived.’
‘It is strange how differently we look at things,’ said Pam-philius. ‘We say that if adults live in the worldly way it may be excused, for they are already spoilt, but for children it is terrible. To bring them up in worldly fashion and expose them to temptation! “Woe unto the world because of occasions of stumbling; for it must needs be that the occasions come; but woe to that man through whom the occasion cometh!” So says our Teacher, and I repeat it to you not as a retort, but because it is really true. The chief necessity for us to live as we do comes from the fact that there are children among us; those children of whom it is said: “Except ye become as little children ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.’ ”
‘But how can a Christian family manage to live without definite means of livelihood?’
‘According to our belief there is only one means – that of loving work for men. Your method is violence. But that method may fail and be destroyed, as riches are destroyed, and then only work and the love of men is left. We consider that love is the basis of all, and should be firmly held to and increased. And when that is so, families live and prosper. No,’ continued Pamphilius, ‘if I doubted the truth of Christ’s teaching, or hesitated to follow it, my doubts and hesitations would vanish when I thought of the fate of children brought up among the pagans in the conditions in which you and your children have been and are being brought up. Whatever arrangement of life some people may make, with palaces, slaves, and the imported produce of other lands, the life of the majority of men will remain as it should be. And the security for that life will always be the same – brotherly love and labour. We wish to exempt ourselves and our children from these conditions, and make men work for us by means of violence and not by love, and strange to say the more we apparently secure ourselves thereby, the more do we actually deprive ourselves of the true, natural, and reliable security – that of love. The greater a ruler’s power the less he is loved. It is the same with the other security – labour. The more a man frees himself from labour and accustoms himself to luxury, the less capable of work he becomes and the more he deprives himself of true and reliable security. And yet when people have placed their children in these conditions they say they have “provided for them”! Take your son and mine and send the two of them to find their way anywhere, to transmit instructions, or to do some necessary thing, and you will see which of the two will do it better. Or offer them for education, and you will see which of the two would be accepted the more readily. No! Do not make that terrible statement that a Christian life is only possible for the childless. On the contrary it might be said that a pagan life may be pardonable only for those who have no children. “But woe unto him that shall cause one of these little ones to stumble.’ ”
Julius was silent for some time.
‘Yes,’ he said at last. ‘Perhaps you are right. But my children’s education has been begun, they have the best teachers. Let them learn all we know – there can be no harm in that. There is time enough both for me and for them. They can come to you when they are grown up if they find it necessary. And I can do the same when I have set them on their feet and am left free.’
‘Know the truth, and the truth shall make you free,’ said Pamphilius. ‘Christ gives perfect freedom at once: the world’s teaching will never give it. Farewell!’ And Pamphilius called his son and went away.
The Christians were condemned and executed publicly, and Julius saw Pamphilius with other Christians clearing away the bodies of the martyrs.
He saw him, but from fear of the higher authorities did not approach him or invite him to his house.
X
ANOTHER twenty years passed. Julius’s wife died. His life flowed on in public activity and in efforts to obtain power, which sometimes seemed within his reach and sometimes eluded him. His wealth was great and continued to increase.
His sons had grown up; and the second, especially, began to lead an extravagant life. He made holes in the bottom of the bucket which held his father’s wealth, and in proportion as that wealth increased so did the rapidity of the outflow through those holes. And here began for Julius a conflict with his sons such as he had had with his father – anger, hatred, and jealousy.
About this time a new Prefect was appointed and deprived Julius of favour. His former flatterers abandoned him, and he was in danger of banishment. He went to Rome to explain matters but was not received, and was ordered to return.
On reaching home he found his son carousing with dissolute companions. A report had spread in Cilicia that Julius was dead, and the son was celebrating his father’s death! Julius lost control of himself and felled his son to the ground. He then retired to his wife’s rooms. There he found a copy of the Gospels, and read:
‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’
‘Yes,’ thought Julius, ‘he has long been calling me. I did not believe him but was refractory and wicked, and my yoke was heavy and my burden grievous.’
He sat there for a long time with the open Gospel on his knee, thinking over his whole past life and remembering all that Pamphilius had said to him at different times. At last he rose and went to his son. To his surprise he found him on his feet, and was inexpressibly glad to find that he had sustained no injury.
Without saying a word to his son Julius went out into the street and set off towards the Christian settlement. He walked all day, and in the evening stopped at a villager’s for the night. In the room which he entered lay a man, who got up at the sound of footsteps. It was his acquaintance the physician.
‘No, this time you shall not dissuade me!’ cried Julius. ‘This is the third time I have started to go thither, and now I know that only there shall I find peace of mind.’
‘Where?’ asked the physician.
‘Among the Christians.’
‘Yes, perhaps you may find peace of mind, but you will not have fulfilled your duty. You lack manliness: misfortunes crush your spirit. Not so do true philosophers behave! Misfortunes are only the fire in which gold is tried. You have passed through a test. And now that you are wanted you run away! Now is the time to try people and yourself. You have acquired true wisdom and should employ it for the good of your country. What would happen to the people if all who have learnt to know men, their passions, and the conditions of life, were to bury their knowledge and experience in their search for peace of mind, instead of sharing them for the benefit of society? Your experience of life was gained among men and you ought to use it for their benefit.’