‘Is that all?’
‘Kiss me.’ I did so. She said, ‘His beloved brother, who is much older than him, is dying, apparently, from an incurable disease.’
‘His brother?’
‘Dying painfully — on this boat, in a sealed cabin, they say.’
‘Really?’
‘He is yards from us, as we frolic here.’ I recalled the two men guarding a door. ‘That’s made you think.’
‘Why don’t we dance while there’s time? I can’t believe that singer. Look at her move.’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you suggest we dance earlier?’
‘It’s not too late.’
‘You little liar, you weren’t talking to Matte at all,’ she said. ‘You were fucking. You’re all cock. How many were there?’
‘Too many to mention.’
‘I know that if you and I are to be together it’s something I’m going to have to live with.’
‘That’s right.’
Her head was on my shoulder. While we danced, I could think over what Matte had said. It wasn’t difficult to see why he wanted my body for his brother. But why didn’t he go and buy one, as I had? That was what I didn’t understand — why he was so keen on me.
I tried to forget about it. I began to enjoy dancing with Patricia, holding and kissing her, examining the folds and creases of her old neck and full arms, the excess flesh of her living body, and holding her mottled hands. I thought about something he’d said, ‘Who wants a lot of Oldbodies hanging about the world? They’re ugly and expensive to maintain. Soon, they’ll be irrelevant.’
Yet there was something in her I didn’t want to let go of. Her body and soul were one, she was ‘real’, but how could such a notion count against immortality?
Matte had filled me with anxiety and foreboding. I wasn’t aware of how long Patricia and I danced, but I guessed the night was gone. We must have been around the islands and back to where we’d started. I’d been on that boat far too long.
Patricia had her hands inside my shirt. ‘You make me feel all slippy. I want you again. I can’t wait to have you.’
Much as I was glad to be with her, I didn’t think I could go through all that.
‘You might have to wait a bit,’ I said.
‘Why?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m tired. Look,’ I said. ‘There’s plenty of men about. Young men on their own, too.’
I could see at least three or four well-built guys standing around the edge of the dance floor.
‘Tell me something,’ she said. I noticed a new clarity in her eyes. ‘You won’t tell me the truth, I know that. But I’ll know anyway. Does touching me, kissing me, licking me … is it something you’d rather not do? Does my body disgust you?’
Her physical presence, her body, didn’t repel me, in fact. My sister had been a nurse. She’d taught me not to find bodies repellent, only the people inside them. It was Patricia’s proprietorial attitude I found difficult. While I was thinking about this, she watched me.
‘Now I know,’ she said. ‘I thought that was it. It took me a while to figure it out.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘What you do to me is a description of what you say men do to women, lower and humiliate them. It’s fascistic. Patricia, whatever happened to the revolution?’
She stepped back from me, as if something had exploded inside her body.
I slipped away, moving quickly now. It wasn’t her I wanted to get away from. Out of the corner of my eye I had seen Matte pointing me out to another man, who was looking to see where I was. Other men were moving towards him.
I went round to the other side of the yacht and stripped off to my pants. I tied my shoes together and stuck them down the back. I could see a few lights on the shore in the distance. Preparations were being made for disembarkation, but it would take some time. I couldn’t wait. I climbed onto the rail and dived into the sea.
I had surfaced and been swimming a few minutes when I heard voices. There were splashes behind me. Others were joining in. Why? I stopped for a moment and looked behind. By the light of the ship, I could tell that the swimmers following me didn’t resemble women from the Centre, but men from the boat. They were not stoned or drunk revellers either. They were swimming with purpose, without churning up the water. They must have been Matte’s men. They were quick and strong. So was I; and I had the advantage, just.
I ran out of the water, put on my shoes and sprinted up the beach into the village. A few bars and discos were still open. The square was full of noise and people. I could have disappeared into the crowd somewhere, but what then? Soon everyone would start to disperse. Anyhow, I didn’t want to risk running into any of my other enemies.
I hurried through the narrow alleys towards the Centre. When I got there, it was deserted, to my relief. I relaxed a little and made myself a cup of tea. I would hide out in the place until the morning. But the more I thought about it, the less safe I felt. The men following me had seemed determined. It wouldn’t have been difficult for Matte to find out where I was staying, and he was ruthless.
As I was collecting my washbag and a few other things from the roof, I thought I heard someone rattling the handle of the door in the wall. I didn’t hear any raised female voices either. Hurrying now, I picked up several items of women’s clothing, spread out on the roof to dry, and shoved them in my rucksack.
When I heard voices within the building and saw a torchlight flash, I leapt from the roof of the accommodation block to the roof of the kitchen. I jumped down the side of the building to a narrow concrete ledge below. I knew the only way out now was down the side of the hill. I wasn’t sure how steep it was exactly, but I was in no doubt that it was a stiff gradient.
Not only that, the terrain was rough. As I teetered there, trying to decide what to do, I was aware of how strong the desire to live was. Had it come to it, I could have stood on that ledge for days. I’d been depressed in my life, at times; suicidal, even. But I wasn’t ready to give up my mind or my body. I wanted to live.
I jumped. It must have been twenty feet down. After hitting the earth, every staggering step was perilous. It seemed to be rocky and sandy at the same time. I couldn’t stop to think. I slipped and fell most of the way; it was impossible for me to stay on my feet. My body got cut all over. What was the foliage made of? Tin? Razors? It was like rolling through broken glass. However, to my knowledge I wasn’t being followed.
At the bottom of the hill, I halted. I couldn’t hear anyone following me. I waited for more of the night to pass. Cautiously, I made my way towards the beach. By now, even the copulators had gone.
I broke into the bathroom of a deserted restaurant where I washed and shaved off my beard. Then I lay down on some benches, pulling a damp tarpaulin on top of me. There were slithery creatures, insects and dogs around, and men who wanted my body. I didn’t sleep.
I was at the harbour before it was light, waiting for the first boat to take me back to Piraeus. I’d get to Athens and decide my next move. I had covered my head in a long, light scarf; I wore a wraparound skirt and dark glasses. I wouldn’t get on the boat until the last moment.
I was sitting at the back of a café facing the harbour when someone whispered the name I’d so foolishly given myself in my arrogance. Even as I thought of running once more, I began to shiver with terror.
Alicia, of course, had come looking for me.
‘How did you find me?’ I said. I indicated my outfit. ‘Do these colours suit me?’
‘Yes, but not all at once.’
‘Some of the men on the island have been threatening me again. I know they work down here.’