“Neither do I,” said Fancy. “I never did. Janette Campbell doesn’t have much time for Murray. I reckon it was finding out you’d taken up with him that bugged her, not the mention of that back shed.”
“But why didn’t you tell me that?” said Keiko.
“Because Malcolm was there, remember?” Fancy said. “It was steak and kidney pudding day. And I didn’t want to say that someone didn’t think much of his brother in front of him. And then I forgot.”
“But why?” said Keiko.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Keiko!” said Fancy. She poured herself another drink and after a sip of it, she spoke very slowly and loudly. “Okay, I didn’t forget. I just don’t like talking about it, but okay, you win. I, Frances Mary Clarke, did not tell you that Janette Campbell bears a grudge to Murray Poole. Shoot me.”
“I didn’t mean why did you forget,” Keiko said. “I mean why doesn’t Janette-”
“For God’s sake!” said Fancy and then started speaking very loud and slow again. “Because Natasha was her shampoo girl and she probably told Janette that Murray was a crap boyfriend. Or… I don’t know.”
Keiko frowned.
“What now?” said Fancy.
“Who’s Natasha?”
Fancy blinked. “Tash,” she said.
Keiko stood up and jammed her hand into her jeans pocket. She pulled out the necklace and let it swing in front of Fancy’s face.
“I found this in my kitchen drain,” she said. “This is what was clogging it.”
Fancy reached out and grasped it. “That’s Tash’s,” she whispered. “Pet’s got a picture of her wearing it.”
“It was fastened,” Keiko said. “It didn’t just fall off.”
“Oh my God,” said Fancy.
“Has anyone heard from Tash since she left?”
“Mother of God,” said Fancy. She held the chain and put it to her lips. She looked up at Keiko with fresh tears in her eyes. “What have I done?” she said.
Keiko took her free hand. “Please,” she whispered. “Tell me.”
Fancy waved to the bottles, and Keiko refilled both glasses with even bigger measures than before.
“I lied to you,” Fancy said when she had taken a big swallow from hers. “It was true about the state Pet was in when I came back, rocking with the baby, crying, all that. And the ego boost, that was true too. Except the more time went on, the more I got the idea that it was Tash she was mourning, and Vi and me were like a consolation prize.” Keiko shook her head but Fancy ignored her. “And I sort of knew I should try and get in touch with Tash and tell her she was wrong about foster mums. We all get so cynical so young, you know? Toughen up so no one can hurt you? We all used to tell ourselves the carers were in it for the money. Only I must have known it wasn’t true with Pet, or why did I come back, right? And I knew I should find Tash and tell her. But…” Fancy ducked her head down between her shoulders the way she had the first time they met. “I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want Pet’s favourite coming back and shoving me out.”
Keiko was shaking her head faster now. “Pet loves you,” she said. “She adores you. And Viola. No one could shove you out!”
“Well,” said Fancy. “That’s what I did, anyway.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Keiko said. “All your feelings are understandable and natural, even if they’re wrong.”
“Yeah, but I did lie though,” said Fancy, in a tiny voice. “By omission.”
Keiko groaned. “Please forget I said that.”
“And the other thing too. I didn’t look for her to try to get her home again.” Fancy’s voice had grown hoarse. “And then-Jesus, this is hard to say!-when Pet asked me to, cos she’s useless with the Internet, I said I would, and then I said I had, and I said couldn’t find her.” She caught a sob before it could get free. “But I never checked at all because I was scared if she came back there’d be no place for me. And then, after you asked about her and Nikki and Dina the other day, I did search and there’s nothing. I left it too late and she’s lost now. She’s really gone.”
Keiko put down her glass and took Fancy’s out of her hand, then she wrapped her arms around Fancy’s shoulders and hugged her close. Fancy buried her head into Keiko’s middle and finally let go. Keiko bent and kissed the parting of her hair.
“I am so sorry,” she said as Fancy wept. “I’ve dredged up your worst memories and made you feel badly. You did nothing wrong.”
“I let her stay lost,” said Fancy, her voice sodden and muffled.
“You were young,” Keiko said. “Then you grew up into a good person and a good mother, and you are a wonderful daughter and friend. You did nothing wrong.”
Fancy sniffed and pulled back, turning her face up to look at Keiko. “Well, neither did you then,” she said with a watery smile.
Keiko went to get a cool cloth and took her seat again.
“You know what the real mystery is?” Fancy said after she had blown her nose and finished her drink. “Murray thinks he can tell you what to do and what to look like and drop mysterious hints until he’s got you demented. And Craig McKendrick has been playing silly buggers with me since he first stuck his hand up my jumper on a school trip. Jesus, you jumping when Murray says jump must be making him as happy as a pig in shit, you know! And so the only real mystery is why I-after everything I learned the hard way from Viola’s dad-and you-who spend your whole life studying human nature-give one single solitary sod about either of them.”
Keiko finally felt her body and mind smash back together at last. “I’ve made such a fool of myself,” she said. “I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. I don’t know how I’m going to face anyone.”
“Nobody knows what you were thinking, you bampot,” said Fancy. “Or hey! You could always walk home backwards like Vi does. Rewind!”
“I must have gone mad. I really thought-”
“Look,” said Fancy. “You’re in a new country, a long way from home and it must seem like, ‘Oh my god, what a crazy place, what’s going on?’ Like all kinds of things that could never happen at home might happen here. But it’s not real. It’s like if I went to Tokyo, I would be just the same. Total head wreck.”
“Well, I’m over it now,” Keiko said. “And you’re right about Murray. But…” She hesitated. “Don’t be too hard on Craig. He did warn me. Except I thought it was Malcolm he was warning me about.”
“Did he say he warned Tash?” said Fancy. Her voice was cold. “Or was he another one who reckoned she didn’t matter?”
“He didn’t mention Tash,” Keiko said. “He felt bad even saying what he did. He was trying to be loyal to his friend.”
“Yeah, well, his friend’s not worth it and he’s definitely not worth you. And poor Malcolm-he’s done nothing!”
“Please promise me you will never tell anyone what I said, what I thought,” Keiko said.
“Cross my heart and hope to die and be served at a barbecue to all my friends and neighbours,” said Fancy with a smirk. “I won’t tell a soul.”
Keiko called in to say sorry to Mrs. Watson for dashing through the shop earlier. Mrs. Watson stroked her arm and made soothing noises through her giggles.
“Well now, you must just put it out of your mind in time for New Year’s Day, so you can sit down to your hough dinner and enjoy it. I’m just the same with tongue, mind. I love a slice with a good sweet pickle, but I couldn’t cook it for a king’s ransom. Lying there in the pot looking just like a great big tongue.” She shuddered and then squeezed Keiko’s shoulder. “So I won’t tell if you don’t tell. And don’t you worry about Malcolm; he’s used to the rest of us being more squeamish than him.”
Keiko stood still, staring at her, wondering if she could ask-just ask straight out-about the letter and why Mrs. Watson had looked that way. If Fancy was right, there would be some silly, innocent explanation for it.