He pushed off the couch and walked toward the front door, grabbing her coat and his keys before he made his way downstairs. After programming her address into his GPS, he turned the radio off and started driving.
Danny spent the first half of the drive practicing what he was going to say, playing with the words to try and soften their effect, but it was a senseless exercise; any way he said it, it was horrible. In fact, the more he heard it out loud, the more awful it became until finally he cranked the radio and drove the rest of the way listening to some insipid pop music countdown.
By the time he was walking up the small pathway to her front door, his anxiety had transitioned into a sense of urgency; he just wanted to get it over with and deal with the end result, whatever it might be.
Danny took a small breath before he knocked on her door. It was a minute before he heard the sound of someone approaching from the other side, and then there was silence. He knew she must be looking through the peephole to see who was outside, but he couldn’t bring himself to lift his eyes.
The silence wore on, and for a second he thought she wouldn’t open the door. But then he heard the deadbolt slide back before she pulled the door open slightly, and he raised his eyes to hers.
Her expression was smooth as she looked at him.
Guarded.
“What are you doing here?” she asked softly.
Danny wet his lips before he held up her jacket, and she glanced down at it before bringing her eyes back to him.
“Thanks,” she said, reaching to take it from him, and he handed it over before shoving both hands in his pockets.
“I’m ready to tell you everything, Leah.”
The tiniest flicker of surprise flashed across her face before she composed her expression again, folding her jacket over her arm.
“I know I don’t deserve it,” he said, “but just hear me out. After that, if you want nothing to do with me, I promise I won’t ever bother you again.”
She stood there in silence, her eyes searching his face, and then she bit her lip before she stepped to the side, granting him access to her apartment.
He walked past her and into her living room, the nerves temporarily winning out over his resolve, and he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck as he heard her close the door behind him.
“How did you know where I lived?”
Danny jammed his hands in his pockets again. “I looked you up,” he said as he turned to face her. “I’m sorry. You weren’t answering my texts, and to be honest, I thought if I asked, you would’ve told me not to come, and I had to come. I can’t do this anymore. The partial truths and the bullshit and the secrets.”
She sighed softly, laying her coat over a nearby chair before she motioned for him to sit down. Danny lowered himself onto the edge of her couch, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he dropped his head.
A few seconds later, he heard her come into the room, and he looked up as she curled into the chaise lounger next to him, her eyes on the hem of her sweatshirt as she twisted it between her fingers.
He took a deep breath before he shifted to face her, and her fingers stilled as she glanced up at him.
“Last night,” Danny started, and her eyes instantly dropped. “I’m really sorry about the way I handled that.”
Her eyes were still pinned on her sweatshirt, but Danny could see her cheeks flooding with color.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you. I did. I wanted you so fucking bad. I still do.”
Leah’s eyes flashed up, her expression taken aback, and he felt his shoulders soften.
“Did you really think it was because I didn’t want you?”
She shrugged. “What else was I supposed to think?”
He exhaled heavily before dragging both hands down his face. “God, I’m an asshole,” he mumbled. “You have to understand something, Leah. You had just told me you hadn’t dated anyone, hadn’t been with anyone in two years, and then you wanted me. It didn’t matter how bad I wanted you. I couldn’t do it. Not before you knew the truth. You were making a decision without having all the information. I didn’t want you to regret being with me, and there’s a good chance that after you hear what I’m about to tell you, you would have. And I refuse to be another reason for you to doubt yourself.”
Danny leaned back against the couch, running both hands up through his hair as he said, “I’m sorry I asked you to leave the way I did, but Jesus Christ, Leah, I only have so much self-control. I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but the way you were looking at me…and the way you were kissing me…and then hearing you say please.” He closed his eyes and exhaled, the memory causing his stomach to flip in a way that had nothing to do with nerves. “I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out with you right in front of me. I was hanging on by a fucking thread as it was,” he said, rubbing his hand over his eyes.
He heard her shift slightly, and he turned his head to look at her.
“Just tell me,” she said softly.
Danny nodded as he sat up slowly, turning toward her. “You asked me once why I kept pulling away from you. Why I said it was a problem that I had feelings for you.” He took a steadying breath. “It’s because there’s a good chance I’ll be leaving soon.”
“Where are you going?”
Fuck. Just say it.
He swallowed around the knot in his throat as his eyes met hers. “Prison.”
She sat completely still for a few seconds before she closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips into her temples. She looked more confused than upset, although Danny knew that was about to change.
“What did you do?” she said weakly.
Danny knotted his fingers together as he said, “I didn’t plan on it, Leah, and I didn’t mean to do it.”
She dropped her hands as she opened her eyes. “What did you do?” she repeated more firmly.
He took a deep breath before he said, “Bryan isn’t dead.”
Her eyes flew to his; there was fury behind them, and he held up his hand quickly. “I didn’t lie, Leah. He’s alive because machines do everything for him. Pump his heart, make him breathe, give him food. His body is alive, but he’s gone. He’s been gone for a year. There’s no brain activity. There’s nothing left. It’s just that Gram can’t let him go, because she’s still hoping. But he’s gone.”
Leah stared at him, her eyes softening slightly before she shook her head. “What does that have to do with you going to prison?”
Danny leaned forward, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. It physically hurt to say these words. He had known it would be hard, but he hadn’t expected physical pain. It felt like his chest was caving in.
“The night it happened, I was with him. We were hanging out at this bar in Manhattan, and Bryan kept ordering round after round of Alabama Slammers.” He smiled sadly before he said, “That was his shot. He’d always start the night off with one, but that night he just kept going. And I went right along with him.
“At some point during the night, these three guys came up to us. We had no clue who they were, but apparently they knew this girl that Bryan used to mess around with. So the one guy started with Bryan, talking about how he was gonna make Bryan sorry for fucking his girl. The bartender was quick, though. The whole thing got broken up before it could come to blows, and the guys were asked to leave because they were the ones who instigated the whole thing.”
Danny rubbed his hand over his forehead before he said, “So they left, and we went about our business. We didn’t even think twice about it. Typical drunk assholes at a bar. We’d seen it a million times. Hell, we’d been them a few times. Nothing out of the ordinary, you know?”