Leah stared at him, and as his dimples grew more defined, she felt the corners of her own mouth turn up.
They ate breakfast slowly and in relative silence, both of them seemingly lost in their own thoughts, and after cleaning up, they went back to Leah’s bedroom to get dressed.
Leah zipped up the black pencil skirt she had paired with a green capped-sleeve silk blouse. Just as she was checking herself in the mirror, Danny stepped out of the bathroom wearing his suit. He stood next to her, looking in the mirror as he adjusted his tie, and she couldn’t take her eyes off him.
It was the first time she’d seen him dressed up like that, and it killed her that it was under these circumstances. He looked so incredibly handsome, and she wanted to be celebrating something with him—holding him and laughing with him and posing for pictures.
Not fighting tears as the nausea rolled through her.
“It really does look beautiful,” he said, adjusting the knot of his tie.
“What does?” she asked softly.
“The necklace.”
She brought her hand up to it as he added, “And I meant what I said last night.”
Leah’s eyes found his in the mirror as her lips curved into a delicate smile. “I know you did.”
His eyes held hers for a moment before he returned her smile, and then he took a deep breath. “Okay then. Ready?”
Of course she wasn’t. She wasn’t anything close to resembling ready. But she nodded up at him, and he ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek before he reached to grab his wallet from the dresser. He turned back to her then, handing her his keys.
“You want me to drive your car?” she asked, glancing down at them.
“No, I’m giving these to you to hold on to. Jake will be by at some point tomorrow to get my car.”
Leah froze. Jake would be coming to get his car. Because after today…
“Okay,” she managed softly, taking the keys and turning from him quickly as she walked to the jewelry box on the other side of the room, depositing them there as she tried to compose herself.
“Is there enough gas in your car to get down there today?”
“Mm-hm,” she said with her back to him, pretending to look for something in her jewelry box.
It was quiet for a beat before he spoke softly. “Alright,” he said, and then she felt his hand on her back for a second before he continued past her and out of the bedroom.
Leah exhaled heavily and closed her eyes; it took several minutes and quite a few deep breaths before she was sure she was in control of herself, and then she opened her eyes and grabbed her purse before following him out of the room.
The ride to the courthouse was spent in pensive silence. There was nothing left to say—nothing they didn’t already know about each other’s feelings—and so they both remained quiet, preparing themselves for what lay ahead.
Leah kept her hand on the armrest, gripping it tightly. Because if she released it, she knew she would lose her grip on everything—she would be dragged into the whirlpool swirling around her, and it would suck away her composure and her sense of direction and her breath and her sanity.
Danny parked the car and they walked to the courthouse hand in hand; externally, Leah was poised and composed, but inside she could feel herself falling to pieces with every step toward that building.
The place where he was going to be taken away from her.
Unconsciously, she tightened her grip on his hand, and when he felt it, he turned his head to look at her. She kept her eyes forward, afraid of what her expression might reveal if she looked at him now.
As they neared the steps, Danny stopped abruptly, tugging on her hand so that she was forced to turn and face him. She knew her eyes were glassy as she looked up at him, but this time she couldn’t turn her gaze away.
“Before we go in there,” he said, his voice low and somewhat rough, “I just want to tell you that I love you. And I’m so, so sorry.”
“Danny,” she started, and he shook his head, silencing her as he brought his mouth to hers.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Leah knew this was their last kiss.
She melted into him, allowing herself to feel everything: his lips, his breath, his body against hers, his hands on her waist.
And then, too soon, he was pulling away from her.
“Okay,” she heard him say to himself as he took her hand again, and then he inhaled deeply as he turned to walk up the stairs.
The second they walked through the double doors into the vast lobby, it felt as though her mind detached from her body. She knew she was physically there, seeing things and hearing things, but none of it registered. None of it felt real.
It was like she was watching the entire scene from outside herself.
She recognized Danny’s lawyer in the vestibule as he approached them, reaching out to shake Danny’s hand. He said a brief hello to Leah, and she couldn’t even be sure if she responded.
“We need to meet for a minute before we go inside,” Danny said, his voice muted through the rush of blood in her ears.
She nodded weakly, and Danny’s lawyer directed her toward the courtroom where she could wait for them. Leah approached the doors in a daze, and for a moment, she just stood there, frozen and completely overwhelmed.
And then she saw her. The lifeline she so desperately needed.
Catherine.
She was sitting in the front row behind the tiny wall that separated the rest of the room from the judge’s bench, and it was as if she sensed Leah’s desperate need to feel grounded. As soon as Leah noticed her, Catherine turned, making eye contact with her as she stood in the doorway.
And then she smiled sadly, reaching her hand out to Leah.
She practically ran to her, clutching her hand as she sat beside her, and when Leah felt Catherine rest her head against her shoulder, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips together as her chin quivered.
“We’re gonna be strong for him today,” Catherine whispered. “He doesn’t need to worry about us.”
Before Leah could even process her words, she sensed movement in front of them, and she opened her eyes. Jake was crouched in front of Catherine, with Tommy standing behind him.
“How you doing, Gram?” Jake asked gently, and Catherine shrugged, a weak smile trembling on her lips.
Jake leaned forward and kissed her cheek before he stood, turning toward Leah. She was vaguely aware of Tommy whispering something to Catherine as Jake leaned down to hug her. “No matter what happens today, everything’s gonna be okay,” he said against her ear before he straightened, smiling sadly at her before he turned and walked into the row of seats behind them.
A few minutes later, Leah heard the sound of the doors opening again, and she turned to see her father, brother, and sister taking their seats in the back. Her father made eye contact with her, a comforting look in his eyes as he blew her a kiss, and she smiled softly before turning back around.
Danny’s mother and sister were also there, sitting in the middle row. Leah had met them briefly at Danny’s apartment during one of the days they’d spent cleaning it. They had come by to pick up some things they were going to store for him, and although they seemed nice enough, she could see there was definitely a distance between them and Danny. She had known he wasn’t close to his family, but it was still such a strange thing for her to witness.
He had a family, she reminded herself. It just wasn’t his own. Wasn’t that what he’d told her?
A few minutes later, there was a murmuring and shuffling in the back of the room, and Leah turned to see Danny walking up the aisle with his lawyer beside him. His face was stoic and serene, and while that should have reassured her, it only served to make her feel sick.
They walked past the small wall and up to the table in front of the judge’s bench, taking their seats. Immediately, his lawyer leaned over and began speaking to Danny in hushed tones, and every so often, he would nod slightly in response.
Catherine’s grip on Leah’s hand tightened suddenly, and Leah glanced up to see the judge walking out from a doorway along the far wall. Everyone was asked to rise, and the judge—a middle-aged man with glasses and dark, thinning hair—approached the bench and took his seat, prompting the rest of them to follow.