Then as fast as it had appeared, the sense of validation dissolved. Because she realized she didn't desire. Not when she had Hank. A date with George Clooney in his Lake Como villa couldn't tempt her to blow that relationship. Eddie didn't even run a distant third.
Hank made her feel smart and beautiful and special, and she intended to hang on to him with both hands. She didn't question that for a minute. Her certainty was like a primal imprinting that her mind recognized well before some sixth sense made her look over to see the man himself standing in the narrow hallway leading to the back of the bus. She shot him a grin.
He didn't grin back and she didn't need a knack for clairvoyance to understand he wasn't half as certain of her intentions. Staring at her and Eddie, Hank's expression was shuttered. His knuckles, however, stood bone-white against the weathered skin of his hand where he gripped the edge of one of the sleeping compartments.
Tearing her gaze away, she turned her attention back to the guitar player. "I'm flattered by the offer, Eddie, but no. Thanks. You're a sweetheart, but Hank's my guy."
He shrugged. "Okay. I just thought I'd put the offer out there." Straightening, he dropped his foot from the chair seat and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, gotta go. I'll see you later, hey?"
"Yeah. See you at sound check." She watched him walk away, then turned to watch Hank approaching.
He dropped onto the seat next to her and for a moment simply looked at her. Then he blew out a soft breath. "He seemed to take the rejection pretty well."
"You think?" She laughed. "What do you bet that even as we speak he's slapping the moves to another woman?"
"I wouldn't have let you shut me down so easily."
The look in his eyes made her heart kick like a confined stallion at the wall of her chest. "I know."
"So:I'm your guy?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Good. Because I thought for a minute there I was history. What with your longtime dreamboat offering to tie up at your dock and all."
"Well, I'll tell you what-it was flattering after all that time spent yearning over him. But it's you I love, Hank."
His eyes went still. "God." Slipping an arm around her shoulders, he bent his forehead to hers. "You sure?"
"I've never been surer of anything in my life."
"Good. Because I love you more than I knew a man could love." He lowered his head to kiss her.
They were straining together and breathing heavily by the time he tore his mouth away. He slid his hand from her breast. "Damn! Who thought this bus was a good way to travel, anyway?" He shot his narrow sleeping compartment a considering glance but shook his head. "No room, no privacy." Then resolve filled his expression. "But you can take this to the bank, sweetheart. The very next town where we have a two-day gig you better do everything you need to do the first day. Because you and me are getting us a room at a hotel.
"And we aren't coming out until it's time for me to have my butt onstage for the concert."
P.J.STUDIED JARED'Sprofile as they strode toward the arena, where he planned to double-check the security. His gaze was alert to their surroundings, to the people in the parking lot, to everything but her. Her stomach churned because, dammit, every time she looked at him she wanted to both burrow into his arms for the sheer safety of it and smack him silly for being such a bonehead. And she was sick to death of feeling torn in two.
She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't be practically joined at the hip to a man who refused to even acknowledge the elephant in the room, let alone talk about it. "I need a break from you," she heard herself say. It came out of nowhere, unplanned and unrehearsed, but it was the truth. It felt, in fact, like the reality of the century.
"Don't be ridiculous," he said, glancing down at her, then back toward the flurry of activity going on over by the venue's service entrance.
His dismissiveness shattered what little composure she had left and she stopped dead. "Who the hell are you to call me ridiculous?" she demanded, grabbing him by the arm and jerking him to a halt, as well. Part of her was appalled by the hysteria starting to bleed into her voice but she felt helpless to stem it. Besides, a larger part of her frankly didn't give a rip. Tough patooties if she lost control. Unlike some she could name, she didn't think the world would come to a flaming end if she failed to hold it all together. "I'mnot the one who thinks being a freakingrobot beats expressing a few real feelings. You're the one who's ridiculous, J, and I can't stand another minute of your company." Standing on tiptoe, she got as close to being in his face as she could manage. "I need a break, Ineedabreak, I NEED ABREAK! "
She all but roared the last and he gaped down at her as if volatile vapors were steaming from her pores to envelop her in a dangerous cloud. "Okay, okay," he said in a careful, create-no-sparks tone of voice, and, wrapping his long fingers around her upper arms, he backed her up a step. "But it's not safe for you to be on your own. So I'll take you to Nell. You can hang out with her while I conduct the security check."
"Now!"She wanted away yesterday and feared if she didn't get some space between them soon she'd do something that could never be undone.
By the time they tracked Nell down, however, she was beginning to feel a little foolish. Anxious to be shed of him all the same, she gave Jared a terse nod.
"I'll see you in a bit," he said and looked down at her, dissatisfaction evident in his gaze. "Stay put."
"Uh, that might not be possible," Nell said, and when he bent a hard stare on her, she shrugged apologetically. "I've got a lot of ground to cover before the sound check, so we're going to be all over the place. But all within the building."
"Okay." He looked back at P.J. "Just take care." He started to turn away, then executed a militarily precise right turn, bringing them back face-to-face. "Jesus, Peej," he muttered and, reaching out, wrapped his hand around her nape. Bending his head, he kissed her.
It was brief, hard and full of frustration. When he lifted his mouth from hers, he stared down at her for a moment, swore under his breath, then set her loose and strode away.
P.J. watched him go until Nell's heartfelt "Whew!" redirected her attention. She turned to find her friend fanning herself with her fingers.
"I bet make-up sex with that man is almost worth the crap that comes before it."
"Everything's so screwed up, Nell."
"I know. I can see how unhappy you are." Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Nell gave her a warm hug. "I'm sorry, Peej. Men are idiots sometimes-a sad fact but true. Still, let Mother Nell take you in hand. Maybe I can help soothe your bruised soul."
She let her friend do exactly that. Accompanying her on her tour-manager rounds helped to settle P.J.'s jangled nerves. Nell's warmth kept the unhappiness if not at bay, then at least at a manageable level. Little by little the knots in P.J.'s stomach unwound and by the time they were strolling down the wide, echoing corridor that contained her dressing room, she'd even laughed once or twice.
As they started to walk past the dressing room, however, she suddenly recalled something she'd meant to do. "Oh, crap! The top!" Bouncing the heel of her hand off her forehead, she came to a halt in front of the room's door. "I need to stop here."
"What? Why?" Nell glanced around as if looking for what had sidetracked her. But they were the only ones around aside from a workman in a toolbelt squatting in front of an outlet fifty feet down the corridor. And he wasn't paying the least bit of attention to them.
"I need to change my top before sound check. An underarm seam pulled apart in my silver blouse the other night and between one thing and the other I forgot all about having it fixed. I've got that red bustier I bought in L.A. in my wardrobe trunk. It turned out to be a little over the top for every day but should pop well enough to work as stage duds. I'd like to give it a whirl during sound check though, before I commit to it. If it's not gonna work I'd as soon find out before I'm standing in front of thousands of people." Afraid she was rambling, she shook her head. "Look, I'll just be five minutes. Ten tops, if it's not where I think it is."