That was when I whipped the gun from behind my back and fired at my female self.
Maybe I was just too angry to shoot straight… but then, it was the first time I'd ever pulled the trigger and my sister had moved most of the way across the room. The gun kicked in my hands. A bullet ricocheted off a rock wall and zinged who knows where as the boom of the shot echoed through all of Birds Home.
Cappie dove to the ground, screaming, "Stop, you'll hit the children!" She was right — I had to get close enough so I wouldn't miss again. I started running; don't ask me whether I intended to shoot my sister or mother, but one of them was going to die.
Female-Me dashed toward Steck, shouting, "Help me, Mother!" Steck spread her arms wide in a welcoming embrace. My sister threw herself forward, the way Waggett sometimes threw himself into my own arms, diving toward sanctuary. She collided with Steck's armored chest, and pressed in tight, hugging the green plastic. I fired, and by now I was close enough that the bullet was right on target…
Violet light erupted at the point of impact, bright as staring into the sun. It left a scorched hole in my vision; but around the edges I could see my traitor female half nestled snugly against Steck, both of them safe within the crackling violet protection.
"Put the gun down," Steck yelled at me. "You'll only hurt yourself."
"That's what I'm trying to do," I answered. I fired at my sister half again.
"Stupid!" Steck cried as another burst of violet blazed the bullet to slag.
"You almost hit the violin!" Female-Me shouted in indignation. She reached out and lightly pulled the instrument out of Steck's hand, then hugged it to her own chest for protection. As an afterthought, she took the bow too… as if she might actually decide to play a ballad while I was shooting at her.
I fired. Point-blank range. Violet flame burnt the bullet to smoke.
"This is futile," Steck growled. "You can't get through the force field."
"True," my sister said in a hard, quiet voice. "But I'm already inside."
And she rammed the point of the violin bow into Steck's unprotected eye.
The point was not very sharp; but it was sharp enough.
My sister had gripped the bow in her fist, with four inches of the tip end showing. All four inches speared into Steck's eye and on into her brain, driven by the force of sheer hatred… driven by the gods and the souls of dead children. Steck gave nothing more than a surprised grunt; then she was falling, dragging my sister with her as Steck's arms spasmed and locked Female-Me in a bear hug.
When they hit the floor, the force field was still active. Violet flame broke against the rock underfoot, a flash explosion that seared an armor-sized patch of granite into a sheen of smoking lava. The explosion had enough force to bounce Steck and my sister partway up again; then they fell once more, bounced, fell, bounced, like a fiery violet ball taking its time to settle.
When they finally came to rest, the force field continued to burn, smelting its way into a trench in the bare rock floor. Steck's legs jerked with dying convulsions. My sister, still holding the bow, pushed it deeper into Steck's brain, as blood spilled out of the eye socket and onto her hands. Steck gave one last shaking shudder… and then the breath sighed out of her for the last time.
Gradually, the violet flame subsided. The suit was smart enough to realize it was fighting a lost cause.
Cappie and I helped my sister up, making sure she didn't step on the red hot rock that surrounded the fallen armor. "I thought you had turned traitor," I mumbled to my female self.
"You should know better," she answered. "I'm you, aren't I?" She looked at me, then Cappie. "Steck had to die, didn't she? She had to."
Cappie stared down at the body. "In her own mind, Steck had done nothing wrong. As she said, the children are all alive — Neut versions of them anyway. And the way things work in Birds Home, two versions of each person die anyway. Steck didn't do anything that wouldn't have happened eventually… but yes, she had to die. Even if it all balances out, some things can't be forgiven."
TWENTY-TWO
A Prayer for Us All
When Rashid arrived, I was debating whether to pull the violin bow out of Steck's eye. I didn't want to touch it, but as the heat of the moment cooled, I began to hate the sight of my mother, disfigured by the protruding murder weapon. My sister self may have been having the same thoughts — she was me, wasn't she? — but she didn't reach for the bow either.
Cappie stood in shadow farther down the unlit corridor. Now that the excitement was over, I think she'd become painfully aware of her nakedness… or painfully ashamed of her Neutness.
"Hello," Rashid said to the three of us. "Where's Steck?"
My sister and I pointed to the floor. Rashid's mouth tightened. He came forward far enough that he could see past the glass coffins to the corpse.
"Dead?" he asked.
We all nodded.
He lowered his head and let his breath out slowly. "I suppose I should thank you — if you hadn't killed her, I would have been forced to do it myself."
"Why?" I asked.
"Family policy: no one walks away from betraying a Spark." He looked down at Steck's bloody face. "Stupid rule." He took a deep breath. "But if I didn't enforce it, my brothers and sisters would. Steck was the one who killed those children in the other rooms?"
"Yes."
He looked at the corpse again. "Sometimes you can't tell if a person is Iago or Desdemona." He sighed. "With Steck, it always had to be both."
After a while, Rashid asked, "Did Steck have a reason? Did she tell you why she did everything?"
We explained as best we could. It took all three of us, Cappie, sister Fullin and I, to piece together everything Steck said about the workings of Birds Home. Even then, Rashid had questions we couldn't answer: questions about technical details that Steck hadn't mentioned, either because she thought we were too stupid to understand, or because she didn't understand them herself. Rashid might have continued the talk about chromo-this and DN-that until the rest of us dropped from brain fatigue… but he was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps.
Cappie, farther up the corridor than the rest of us, spun immediately to face whatever was coming. She still held the glass splinter; now she raised it like a dagger, and waited… then lowered it again. "Just a bird-servant," she said.
A moment later, I could see the figure for myself — the bird-servant colored like a cardinal, although its brilliant red was muted to charcoal gray in the shadowy corridor. It passed Cappie without a glance and stepped coolly over Steck's corpse.
"Not interested in us," Cappie observed.
"Not programmed to be," Rashid replied.
The cardinal went straight to the nearest coffin… which happened to hold Waggett. My sister and I tensed as the lid of the coffin swung open. The bird-thing reached in and lifted out my son with expert care: supporting the head, snuggling the child's small body in red plastic arms. I took a step forward, but Rashid caught me by the shoulder. "Easy. Let it do its job."
The bird adjusted Waggett's weight until my son was securely cradled against the creature's chest. Then it turned and walked back the way it came, ignoring all of us as if we were part of the stone walls.