“Stay away from him till he calms down, Half-Pint.”
I glanced at Jacob. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He grabbed my chin, locking my gaze with his. “You look really pretty.”
I smiled. “Thanks. I feel, I don’t know, different I guess. I’m still one of you. You know that right?”
He smiled back at me. It comforted me in a moment of pure chaos. Lucas had taken his hurricane with him, but this time Jacob held me down and I wasn’t dragged along with him. It wouldn’t be that way always, and somewhere along the way I learned to appreciate it when I could.
“Of course. Except now you’ll be much nicer to look at.”
I punched him in the chest.
Laughing he said, “Ah! There she is, finally making an appearance under all that hair.” He put his arm around my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go finish eating.”
I spent the rest of the day with the boys, minus Lucas. No one talked about the fact that he wasn’t around. Dylan walked me home and before I opened the door, I felt him. The wind picked up, his presence was all around me. I didn’t have to turn around to know that he waited for me, and he had been waiting for me for a long time.
That night would lead to many more firsts that only added to our complicated love.
She descended down the stairs. “Hi,” she shyly whispered when she stepped onto the last step.
I reached out my hand for her. “I want to show you something.”
She placed her hand in mine, and I helped her onto the handlebars of my bike. She tucked her dress in between her thighs and nodded when she was ready. We rode a few miles from her house, heading in the opposite direction we usually traveled. I parked my bike near the back of the abandoned house, making sure no one would see it.
“Where are we, Bo?” Even though she wore a dress, she still jumped off the front of my bike, making me grin.
“Come on.”
I led her up the wooden stairs, having to shove the patio door a little to get it to open, it made a scraping sound on the floor, the hinges old and rusted. I stood by the door wanting to take in her surprised expression. She slowly treaded all around the room, her eyes fluttering every which way. Alex loved the different architecture when it came to the homes that were right on the water. There was nothing else like it in Oak Island, we were known for our beachfront properties. I knew she would love the open floor plan, the bay windows toward the water, the tray ceilings, and the open decks throughout the entire house. Anywhere you stood in the three-story house you could see the water.
Her face really lit up when she saw the fireplace, they were a rare find around here.
“Wow. Whose house is this?” she asked, her voice echoing on the vaulted ceilings.
“No ones.”
She glanced over at me, baffled. “No ones? The house is almost done. Why would someone leave it like this?”
“My dad said something about it being a new construction property and they ran out of money so they abandoned it.”
“Oh.” I could see her mind spinning, and I knew it had nothing to do with the house.
“You look beautiful,” I stated, taking her away from her thoughts, hoping that it would work. I didn’t want to have it out with her, not here. I wanted this to be our safe place, where we were away from the world and everything that went along with it.
“I know I didn’t say it earlier, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
She lowered her head, all of a sudden shy. “Thanks, Bo.”
“I’m really sorry, Half-Pint.”
She immediately raised her staggered eyes to me. “What are you apologizing for?”
“What am I not apologizing for?” It came out as a question but it wasn’t.
“Do you like her?”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head, silently hoping she would believe me.
“You don’t have to lie to me. You’re allowed to like girls, Bo. I mean she’s pretty and stuff.”
“You’re pretty.”
I could tell I caught her off guard. We didn’t have this type of friendship, where I would call her pretty, and apologize for things I may have done that could have caused her pain. She was one of the boys, once we argued it was done and over with. The dynamic of our friendship geared into new territory that we were both unfamiliar with, and as soon as I saw her wearing that dress, I knew it. After spending the day by myself, and having to be alone with nothing but my thoughts, I realized that’s what bothered me the most about seeing her look so different.
We were all growing up and that included Alex, which was the hardest pill to swallow.
For a while we just stood there, neither one of us talking, trying to appreciate the silence when we could. The voices in our minds sedated, perhaps comforted by one another’s presence.
She would tell me later in life that nothing calmed her more than my arms around her, and if I had known that then, I would have held her every time she looked at me with sadness or disappointment. And maybe it could have helped heal the wounds that I cut along the way.
The broken heart I shattered piece by piece, bit by bit, with nothing but my actions and at times my words.
When she finally walked out onto the deck that overlooked the water, I followed close behind, taking the comfortable silence with us. There were so many things I wanted to say but couldn’t, it would be a never-ending pattern between us. What could either of us say that would even make sense? We were both still so young, we barely understood what the hell flourished between us. There was no one we could discuss it with but each other, and that was easier said than done.
“Why were you so upset today, Bo?” Her stare remained toward the waves of the ocean, making it easier for her to open up to me.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I quickly shut it. The words just not forming fast enough for me to answer.
“It’s hard to realize that things are changing, huh?” she stated as a question, appearing much older than she actually was.
“Yeah,” I weakly muttered.
“I never thought…” She shook her head, gathering her thoughts. “I don’t know what I thought, all I know is that I don’t want to lose you, Bo, I don’t want to lose any of you.” Her eyes locked with mine. “Especially you,” she added in a softer tone.
“Me too,” I whispered, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “One day—”
“I know,” she interrupted. At the time I didn’t think she did, but that’s another thing I grasped later. Alex was aware of it all. It was me who wasn’t.
“I asked her out on a date because Jacob, I mean the boys, it’s just…” I mumbled, the words still not forming the way I wanted them to.
She smiled, breaking the intensity of our stares. “My dress is really soft. I don’t think I’ve ever felt material this soft before. I like it. I mean I don’t fill the dress out like those girls—”
“You’re perfect.”
Her eyes lowered, but her face didn’t. “I’m still one of the boys, Bo. I don’t want you worrying yourself over nothing. I haven’t changed. I promise.”
“It doesn’t feel that way to me.”
Peering back up at me with the most sincere, warm, welcoming eyes. “I’ll always be your brown eyed girl, Bo.”
She put her arms around me, her tiny frame hugging mine. She fit perfectly, melting against my chest. Our hearts placed beside each other, and for the first time that day everything felt right.
“I know,” I whispered into the side of her face, kissing her cheek. Breathing in the scent of her vanilla shampoo and sunscreen, they quickly became my new favorite smell. “They’re just girls, Half-Pint.”