It was messy.
It was us.
I couldn’t take her in small doses and I couldn’t take her in large ones. Nothing was ever enough. As we got older, it just piled on and before we both knew it, we went from hundreds of things to say to nothing. The pile became a mountain of endless questions and not enough answers.
As any sixteen-year-old boy would do, I ignored the warning signs and this was the first one that would lead to many. So I did the only thing that came naturally to me, I lunged on top of her and she shrieked, catching myself before all my weight fell on her. I gazed into her serene eyes before kissing her cheeks, her chin, her forehead, and then the tip of her nose.
“You’re heavy,” she laughed, trying to squirm her way out of my hold.
“Nah.”
“I can’t breathe.”
“That’s because you’re laughing. Why ya laughin’ if you can’t breathe?” I teased, moving my hand to her ribs.
“Don’t,” she warned.
“What are you talkin’ about?”
“Bo, I will hurt you.”
“Nah.” I tickled her anyway.
“This is torture!”
“It’s not torture when you like it.”
I held her down and started tickling her everywhere until I found her sweet spot, it was right in her inner top thigh. I dug my fingers in and tickled the hell out of her, she screamed, kicked, and laughed all at the same time. Her laugh was fucking contagious and I finally had to let go, falling over on my back laughing. She immediately gasped out of breath, and I grabbed her hand kissing it and laying it back on my chest.
We laid in comfortable silence for a long time.
“Bo…”
“Hmmm…”
“I’m going to show Cole—”
“Shhh, let’s just lay here okay?”
“Okay,” she half-whispered.
I had to let her grow up, but it didn’t mean I had to fucking like it.
A few days had gone by before I saw Cole again. He was dressed in slacks and a button-down shirt with a tie when I watched him walk into the restaurant with an older man that I assumed was his father. They sat inside instead of his usual table on the deck.
“Hey,” I greeted.
He gave me a simple nod and then looked down at his menu. Which was odd but I didn’t say anything about it.
“Would you like to hear the specials?” I asked them.
“I don’t have time to hear the specials. We will take your soup of the day and some salads, can you put a rush order on that. I don’t have time to waste,” the man demanded.
“Oh. Umm, yeah. Would you like—”
A scowl appeared on his face as he looked up at me. “No, I would not. Run along. Put our orders in.”
My eyes widened and I looked over at Cole who had his head bowed with shame, but he didn’t say anything. Not one word.
I nodded and backed away to go put in their orders. The rest of the lunch went exactly like that. Cole wouldn’t meet my eyes and the man he was with was rude and mean, although he did leave me a thirty-dollar tip on a twenty-dollar meal. Several hours had past when I saw Cole sitting outside on the deck in his usual seat. A huge part of me didn’t want to acknowledge him at all, or even serve him for that matter, but I decided against it.
As soon as he heard the door open he looked up and we locked eyes.
I reached his table. “What can I get you?”
“I owe you an explanation.”
I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“My dad, he’s well, he’s… fuck, he’s an asshole.”
I raised my eyebrows, surprised with his stammer.
“My mom is better but not by much. My parents, they’re just pretentious and self-righteous. They treat everyone like that, it’s not personal.”
“Why—”
“Why didn’t I say anything?” he interrupted. “It’s not going to change, it’s better when I ignore it.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say or do.
“I meant it when I told you I don’t have a lot of friends, and all the so-called ones I do have aren’t anything to brag about. My family has a lot of money and I’ve been everywhere, Alexandra. You seem real and honest, and I haven’t really ever met someone like you.”
I weakly smiled.
“I would love for us to be friends. I know I need one and something tells me that you do, too.”
“I’d like that, Cole.”
“Good.”
“So, I’ll take you up on your offer to show you around. I mean if you still want me to?”
“Of course.”
“I have off tomorrow. My dad has a golf cart that we could use, it makes things much easier than walking around.”
“That sounds perfect.”
I wrote down my address on the pad of paper, ripping it out and handing it to him.
“That’s my address. Let’s say around noon?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Now. What can I get you?”
He stood up. “You gave me what I wanted.” He slipped the piece of paper in his pocket. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched him leave with anticipation and sadness. I felt bad for him. There was more to Cole than meets the eye and I knew right then and there.
That we had that in common.
“Please don’t embarrass me,” I repeated for the tenth time to my dad.
“Why would I embarrass you? I’m a cool dad.”
I looked over at my mom as she leaned against the kitchen counter, taking in the desperation that was probably clearly written across my face.
“Mom…”
She smiled. “Alex, you’re going on your first date—”
“It’s not a date,” I interrupted.
Her eyebrows lowered.
“I’m just showing him around.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not like that,” I clarified.
She folded her arms over her chest. “When a boy asks you to hang out with him, that meant a date in my time. What’s the big deal? You’re allowed to date, sweetie, you’re going to be fifteen in a few weeks.”
“Speak for yourself, Jana, I need to make sure this boy knows that he can’t mess around with my daughter. He’s only here for the summer. I know what those kinds of guys are interested in,” Dad chimed in, making me bow my head.
“Please don’t embarrass me,” I repeated again.
“Nathanial…”
He spun to look at her. “What? Jana, you know I’m right.”
“Not every boy is like you, honey,” she stated, teasingly.
“I should call the boys and tell them to—”
“NO! No calling the boys. Mom!” I whined.
My eyes widened as I heard the knock on the door.
“And he’s early, I like him already,” Mom said, grabbing Dad by the arm so that I could go open the door instead of him.
The anxiety crept higher and higher with each step I took as I made my way to the front door, but it only became worse when I saw Lucas standing there.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted.
His smile disappeared. “Well hello to you, too.”
“No, I mean we didn’t have plans.”
I tried to ignore his questioning stare. “Since when do we make plans?”
“Right...”
“What’s up with you?”
I reluctantly met his gaze. “Nothing.”
“Are you going to let me in?”
“Umm…”
I felt my dad’s arm go around me as he pushed the door open further, allowing more sunlight to come in.
“Alex here is just nervous that I’m going to embarrass her on her date today.”
Lucas raised his stunned eyebrows. “Date?” he frowned, and for a moment I held his intense glare before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to look down at the floor.
My dad followed. “They don’t know about your date?”
“I told you it’s not a date,” I muttered.