“It’s not going to be the last either,” Cole interrupted, taking me away from my thoughts and continuing to bait Lucas.
That much I did know.
“It’s alright, Half-Pint, I can feel your anxiety from here. Your mom already informed us that we’re to be nice to Cole and that you were on a date. Can’t say I’m not hurt that you didn’t tell us yourself,” Dylan exclaimed, dramatically placing his hand over his chest.
Aubrey slapped him on the back of the head. “You leave her alone, Dylan McGraw! Or else you’re going to have to deal with me, and we both know that you won’t win that,” she chastised.
I couldn’t love Aubrey more than I had in that second.
“Alex, why don’t you join us, let the boys here get to know Cole,” she added.
Dylan didn’t correct her, which I found odd. He never let Aubrey have the last word. I wondered if they had fought about this before, I always knew Aubrey had my back, but I never guessed how much until we were older.
“Maybe another time, I’d like to have Alex to myself on our first date and all,” Cole responded, making all the girls swoon at the table.
“I thought it wasn’t a date,” Lucas chimed in out of nowhere. All eyes moved to him except his were directly pointed at me, and I connected with his intense glare. It made my heart pound and my mouth dry. I prayed that Cole couldn’t feel my body shudder, but when he held me firmer, I realized he could.
“At least that’s what you said this morning. Twice, I believe,” Lucas goaded, only looking at me even though it was meant for Cole.
I didn’t know what to say, and everything I wanted to reveal would only embarrass Cole and he knew it. It was always a tug of war between them.
“Bo,” I warned in a pleading tone.
I grinned, knowingly eyeing Cole. “Just repeating your words, Half-Pint. Don’t want Cole to get the wrong idea.”
The tension radiating between us was too much to bear and everyone at the table could feel it. For the first time, I didn’t give a flying fuck if the boys suspected something. If he thought he could lay a claim on her in front of me and expect me not to call him out on it, then he had another thing coming.
“Is this your girlfriend, Lucas?” he asked, smiling at Stacey.
And the motherfucker went there.
She giggled. “Hi, I’m Stacey, we don’t need to put labels on things to know how we feel about each other.” She kissed my shoulder.
Cole nodded, mockingly. “Right… nice to meet you, Stacey.” He then turned to Alex. “I think you said you were hungry, let's go feed you, shall we?” He looked back toward the table. “Nice seeing you all again.”
“I’ll see you guys later,” Alex half-whispered, being led away by the fucking douchebag. I wanted to punch that smug pretty boy face once and for all.
Nobody said anything about the altercation, it’s almost like they knew better or something. I tried not to watch them for the rest of the day, but I couldn’t help myself, my eyes gravitated toward them. Every time he grabbed her or touched her I wanted to hurt him. His hands were on her constantly, and at times I thought she tried to back away but couldn’t for very long. She liked his advances on her and that’s what killed me the most. She knew I was there.
Was she purposely trying to hurt me?
Had I done that to her with Stacey?
In my mind, the answer was always no, but what if she saw things differently? How did I not notice that?
I hadn’t seen anyone ever have an effect on her as he did, and I hated him even more because of that. She was attracted to him and the easy manner they had with each other made me sick to my fucking stomach. She wasn’t allowed to have that connection with anyone but me because in my mind and heart I never had it with anyone but her. It was always her. She had to know that.
How could she not know that?
So I patiently waited till it was my turn and there would be no holding back my goddamn tongue this time. I would tell her how I felt and what I wanted. I was over playing these fucking games where we thought about everyone else, except what we wanted. I didn’t care about the consequences of my words or my actions. In the end, I would have her and that’s all that truly mattered to me.
When they left, I stayed around for a bit and then dropped off Stacey. Giving him plenty of time to take her home and for her to get to our abandoned house. I just knew she would be there. She had to be. That was the point of us. I ran up the porch stairs ready to bare my heart and soul with her. Ready to take her in my arms and tell her that we were done with the bullshit.
That I loved her.
That I always loved her.
That I would always love her.
When I shoved the door open, it made a loud banging sound off the receding wall and I swear it mimicked my fucking heart. It gutted me and almost brought me to my knees. She wasn’t there. I looked everywhere and there was no sign of her being at our abandoned house at all, it wasn’t like I had missed her or anything, she was just never there. I couldn’t fathom how that was even possible, especially after our afternoon encounter.
Did she not care anymore?
Was I that easy to replace?
The more I thought about it, the worse it fueled my anger and temper. The worse the hurricane that lived inside of me built, becoming something unstoppable and unforgiving. It took me right along with it. I couldn’t control it. The thought of them being together and her not caring about me anymore raged inside of me, it seared to the point of pain. Hours went by and still no sign of her. She didn’t rush to see me like I assumed she would. I wasn’t even on her mind.
Cole was.
Finally I exploded. Since I couldn’t hit him, I punched the wall as hard as I fucking could. The drywall crumbled all around my wrist, blowing a hole directly in the wall. When I pulled my hand out, it hurt like a son of a bitch. I shook off the pain and wish I could tell you that I felt better, but I didn’t.
I felt worse.
The blood from my knuckles slid down my arm and when I heard a loud gasp from behind me. I didn’t have to turn to know who it was, but I did.
Alex lunged into action, grabbing a towel from the floor and wrapping it around my hand. “Oh my God, Bo, what were you thinking?” she fumed.
I forcefully pulled my hand away from her touch. It burned, fueling only the fire inside of me. The already burning flames didn’t need more gasoline. She had to feel them. They surrounded us in a fit of despair and desperation.
She raised her stunned eyes to my face.
“What the fuck do you care?”
“What?” she half-whispered, stepping back.
I should have left. I should have never spoken to her the way I was about to, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hurt Cole, and since I couldn’t do that, I did the next best thing.
I hurt her.
I wanted to ruin the memory of her fucking date with him at all costs. I had no excuse for it, other than the fact that I was young and stupid. I had too much time to think about them, too much time to dwell on how much I fucking hated him. Too much time to focus that she wasn’t here, when she was supposed to be, and too much time to concentrate on her not being here for me.
For us.
She was with him. It gripped inside and all around me.
I could see it, feel it, and breathe it in.
I suffocated in the knowledge that I felt her slipping away from me, right from my grasp that I held so tightly around her heart. It hammered in my core, from my head down to my toes, leaving nothing but a loss of what I thought we were to each other. It made me believe things that I prayed not to be true, but every time I wanted to express the sincerity of what I felt to be real, of what I wanted so badly, I remembered them laughing and flirting blatantly in front of me and I drowned in an emptiness of resentment and fury. Adding to the facts.