She scoffed, placing her hand on her chest. “That curb came out of nowhere.”
“Right… because that happens all the time. Curbs popping out of nowhere and shit, I’m constantly hearing about it on the news.”
She glared at me and I laughed. “I drive in your car enough to know that you can’t drive worth shit.”
“I just got that car.”
“Exactly,” I stated with wide eyes.
Her parents had bought her a white Honda Civic a few weeks ago. They thought if they waited until she was almost seventeen to buy her a vehicle, that she would have more time to practice. That she would somehow develop some sort of awareness for driving.
She didn’t.
We stayed in the store for the next three hours. I drew the line when she tried to buy accent pillows for the couch and my bed. She tried to play it cool when she added some of her own toiletries and other stuff that I knew were only for her. I didn’t call her out on it because I didn’t want her to take them out or make her feel like she wasn’t welcome or wanted. As much as she tried to pretend that she was excited for us, I knew deep down she was scared of another change in our short lives. Not just with me this time.
With all of us.
I wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right and tell her anything else I had to say to ease her concern. Except this time I didn’t want to lie to her, it’s what started our complicated chaos in the first place.
Things were changing again.
It was inevitable, just like the days changing and time moving forward.
But I never imagined it would be to the degree that it did.
I hated that we grew up.
I hated that we still had so much more growing up to do.
I hated that they were leaving me.
I hated that I felt like I was left behind.
It would only be Austin and me for one more year. Then I would be alone, even Aubrey would be gone.
I hated that more than anything.
I tried to pretend that none of it bothered me. That I didn’t lose sleep over it, or that it wasn’t constantly on my mind. But when I was alone with nothing but my thoughts and nothing to distract me, there was no escaping it. The realization quickly followed. I did have a co-dependent relationship with my boys, and I had yet to figure out if that was a good or bad thing.
I always wanted to be with them.
That’s just the way it was.
As a child you don’t comprehend how much impact relationships like ours can have on your life and the decisions that you needed to make. Especially when it came time for everyone to go their separate ways. Which was another thing I never considered.
Leaving.
My junior year was fast approaching and it was time for me to start thinking about the future.
My future.
What I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to go. My parents told me they would pay for any college of my choice, though scholarships and grants would be easily attainable for me. I was a great student. Made honor roll ever since I could remember. That wasn’t what plagued me. I could get in anywhere.
There was a major difference between my boys and me.
I didn’t want to leave.
I loved Oak Island. It was home to me. I guess I assumed we would all attend Wilmington University and grow old here like our parents did. When the boys told me they were leaving because they wanted to live in a big city and do new things, I wanted to yell at them the same way I did when we were kids, and they told me something that didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t.
It wouldn’t be fair to do that to them. I had to let them grow up, exactly the way I always had.
My mom had always told me that boys were different than girls. That we were made differently, and I never considered it to be true until they told me they were leaving so easily. The words flew from their mouths like the waves of the ocean. I pretended to be happy, ecstatic from the news even. My boys knew me well, so when they pulled me into tight hugs my eyes began to water. The older I got the harder it was to hold back my emotions. To keep them hidden like I did when I was a kid.
I guess I really did turn into a girl at some point.
Lucas had been spending more time with me and I knew it was for both our benefits. He would miss me as much as I would him.
That wasn’t even a question.
The answer was already ingrained in our hearts.
I didn’t know how long it would last, so I cherished it as much as I could not knowing when it might end. I started thinking about the future and how much it could really change. As soon as thoughts of love with other people crossed my mind I immediately shook it off.
I would rather be surprised than to expect it.
It was easier that way.
Or so I thought…
“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Lucas asked while we were watching a movie on his bed.
“I’m watching the movie.”
“What’s it about?”
I looked from the TV to him. “Huh?”
“The movie, Half-Pint, what’s it about?” he grinned all knowing.
“Oh,” I smiled. “Is the movie too smart for you, Bo? Do you need me to explain it so that you understand?” I teased to no avail.
“You think that’s going to work on me? Give me some credit, Alex. What are you thinking about?”
“Why does it matter?”
He turned to face me. The intensity of his stare causing me to pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in a comforting gesture.
“I can’t do this with you again,” he recalled with a familiar edge in his tone. “I can’t lose you again. I won’t, Alex. It doesn’t matter what happens between us, you have to be in my life and I don’t care if it’s just as my best friend. Know that I’ll take you any way I can. So, please tell me what you’re thinking, because I can guarantee you that every answer to your question is a no.”
The severity of his words shocked me to my core. Somewhere along the way my boy also grew up.
Into a man.
No longer the boy that I was in love with.
“I’m scared,” I half-whispered, and by the look on his face it wasn’t what he expected me to say.
“I’m scared that you’re moving away and you’re going to forget about me. I’m scared that you all will. I’m scared that nothing will ever be the same like it was when we were kids. I’m scared that I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” I paused to let my words sink in. “But mostly, I’m scared that we’re growing up and that our paths may never cross through the same direction, Bo. That we’re destined to remain in this friendship that I love so much, that I cherish with all my heart. The ups and downs are what make us, Bo and Half-Pint. What if that’s all we’ll ever have?”
He took in each and every word as if I recited his favorite song and then softly grabbed the sides of my face and looked deep into my eyes.
“I told you every answer was no,” he simply stated with a heartwarming look on his face before he leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.
I wanted to remember this always.
Because what happened next…
I wanted to forget forever.
It was the Fourth of July.
Southport was the next town over and highway 211 was closed down every year for the Fourth of July Festival. Since 1972 over 40,000 tourists and residents gathered around to enjoy the day’s festivities. It was usually my favorite day of the year.
Not this year.
This year, my boys were leaving the very next day.
“Alex, honey, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the festival?” Mom asked as I cleaned my last table.
“I’m working,” I simply stated.