Not now.
“I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry I—”
“Lucas,” I anxiously interrupted. “Let’s forget about that, okay? I can’t not right now.” It would lead into too many questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer.
Not ever.
“I just want you to know that night, it meant everything to me. I don’t ever want you to feel that I didn’t want—”
“Please.” I sat up, moving as far away from him as possible, hoping that the distance between us would affect him as much as it did me. Meeting his eyes with nothing but anguish and uncertainty in mine, I repeated, “Please.”
His eyebrows lowered, causing his eyes to narrow at me. “Why?” he asked, instantly standing up.
“Not now.” I backed away.
“I don’t understand. I’m trying to tell you that I didn’t want—”
I placed my hands over my ears like a child and peered down at the ground, blocking out the memories that haunted my everyday existence. “Please, Lucas, I’m begging you. Not now!” I shouted, losing the battle to remain calm.
He immediately engulfed me into his sturdy, comforting embrace, his arms caging me in his safety that I desperately craved. I hugged him as tight as I could, damned be my broken ribs, trying to provide the same reassurance that he gave me.
“Okay, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “I love you.”
I took in his words…
I was terrified that he would never look at me the same way.
I was terrified that he wouldn’t think of me the same way.
I was terrified he’d find out the truth.
I was terrified to hear him say…
I hate you.
Which is why we couldn’t talk about that night.
Austin got better and was on the road to a full recovery. He ended up having to go to summer school because he missed too many days due to the accident. They allowed him to walk at graduation, but he couldn’t have cared less. He did it for everyone else, including me. He became withdrawn from life and things that used to make him happy. I thought when he got accepted to Ohio State to follow the boys it might lift his spirits, but it didn’t. Not even a little. The judge charged him with a DUI, suspended his license for a year and on top of a hefty fine and legal fees he was to perform an obscene amount of community service, which only added to his reclusive behavior.
Aubrey got accepted to the University of California, I couldn’t have been happier for her. She had always been interested in design and fashion. She said her dad lived out there, but they didn’t have the best relationship, she hoped this could be a new start for the both of them. She never said anything about Dylan and the fact that he wasn’t a factor in her decision-making process worried me.
When she broke up with him a few weeks before she left for California, I knew I was right.
He didn’t take the break-up well and that’s putting it lightly. He trashed his entire room at his parents house, tore every memory of her out of his life. It looked like a hurricane had passed through it.
The irony was not lost on me.
I had never seen him so upset before, it broke my heart. When he finally talked to me about it, he said she became withdrawn. She wasn’t herself the entire summer. They weren’t very intimate, she didn’t allow him to hold her anymore, and she barely acknowledged or spoke to him, even when they were alone. He said he saw it coming and it led to a huge fight. But, then they had sex and he thought everything would be okay.
She broke up with him the next day.
He told her they would make it work, that he would do anything not to lose her, but she didn’t care. Her mind was made up. I was surprised he shared so much with me. Of course, my loyalty was with Dylan, though he didn’t want me to lose my friendship with Aubrey. He knew she was important to me. I loved him a little bit more because of it.
Jacob was same ol’ Jacob. Single and ready to mingle. The ladies man he was.
I spent the summer with all of them, including Cole. He came around a lot more with the guys. As much as Lucas hated it, for the first time he respected it. Summer went by entirely too quickly and before I knew it, they were gone. School had started again and I was a senior, applying to colleges and getting ready for my future.
I turned eighteen and the boys came home for my birthday, which coincidently landed on a Saturday. They took me out to South Port to a club. I couldn’t have hated it more if I tried. I am not the girl that gets dressed up in a slutty outfit and grinds all over random strangers all night. The boys wouldn’t have let me even if I wanted to but granted, I had no desire to do so. I learned right then and there that clubs just weren’t my thing.
It was a lonely school year for me. I kept to myself, worked a lot, kept my nose stuck in a book and hung out with Lily. It was nice to have a piece of Lucas around, although Lily couldn’t have been more different than her brother. They were like night and day. She was way beyond her years of fourteen. There were times that I forgot how old she truly was, and she became one of my best friends because of it. I still talked to Aubrey, we remained close, but we didn’t talk about Dylan. She didn’t ask and I didn’t tell.
Senior prom fast approached which would lead to graduation and I had no idea what college I wanted to attend. Cole went to the University of California with Aubrey and they said they had bumped into each other a few times at parties. Cole pledged Pike and Aubrey pledged Tri-Del, so they ran in similar crowds. They both had been begging me to come visit so that I could fall in love with California and want to attend the university with them, but I always made up an excuse. The truth was…
I applied and got accepted to UCLA.
No one knew that not even my parents.
Guys asked me to go to prom left and right, but I turned each one of them down. I decided I didn’t want to go and I didn’t bother buying a ticket. Something held me back from wanting to go and enjoy this special night of my senior year. Something was missing.
When I opened my front door and saw him standing in a tuxedo with a corsage in hand.
Lucas.
My baby sister became my spy, she kept me updated on Alex. What she did and didn’t do. They had become really close in the last year and spent most of their time together. I loved it. If she was with Lily at least I knew she wasn’t with any other fucking douchebag that crept around her. It’s not like it mattered. Alex was oblivious to any attention thrown her way. The magnetic pull she had toward guys was unbelievable, and I spent most of her eighteenth birthday fighting them off at the club. Her innocence and natural beauty was a lure. They could smell that shit from a mile away.
Lily told me she wasn’t going to prom because she wasn’t feeling it, I knew it was a bunch of bullshit.
Alex talked about stupid high school shit like that since we were kids. Called them milestones and memories to last a lifetime, shit you read on fucking Hallmark cards and bumper stickers. I called her mom and asked her to buy two tickets for us, making her promise not to say anything to her about it. I took care of the rest. This year had been hard on her. I didn’t need Lily to tell me that, I already knew.
It was hard for me, too.
I hated that she was alone.
I hated that I left her alone.
Her mom was more than willing to help in any way she could. Ecstatic that Alex would have a beautiful memory from her last year of high school. I rented a tuxedo that matched this white, lacy, flowing dress that went down to her ankles. She bought it when she was sixteen telling me it was for a special occasion, I still remembered her cheeks blushing as she said it. It wasn’t prom attire by any means, but that’s who she was. A tomboy at heart. She wouldn’t have wanted to wear anything that the stores were selling as prom dresses. It wasn’t her style.