Claire tried to smile. “I’m thankful we had the opportunity to talk.” And for the first time, she truly was.
Then Mrs. Johnson addressed Tony. “Mr. Rawlings, God is so funny.”
Tony replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”
“Mr. Rawlings, if there was one man my son idealized besides his father it was you.” Tony’s eyes reflected the appreciation she sent his way. “He received his start at his dream job in one of your companies. When he first started working there, you made a few visits to their office. You probably don’t remember, but on one occasion you spoke to Simon about one of his projects, he talked about it for months. He aspired to be like you. Now you and Claire are happily married, I just think God has a sense of humor.” She looked lovingly at both of them, introduced them to the rest of the family, and added, “Please sit up toward the front, it would mean a lot to Simon and it means a lot to me.” They did.
Throughout the memorial Tony held Claire’s hand. Later when she tried, she couldn’t remember the service. Between Mrs. Johnson’s words and memories of her parents’ funeral her energy went to appearing composed, fighting the pounding in her head, and not fainting.
On the flight home she thought about Mrs. Johnson’s words, Simon aspired to be Tony. She thought about her assessment of Tony: ruining lives with his business decisions. Maybe there was more to her husband. If Simon aspired to be Tony, maybe there was something there to aspire to. With her head on his lap, she looked up at him and recognized his expression: thoughts in a million different places. She watched his strong jaw that clenched and unclenched, his dark brown eyes, furrowed brow, and perfectly combed hair. Maybe he helped lives too, Mrs. Johnson believed he did. Claire just needed a different perspective.
Grandma Nichols said, “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.” Perhaps she was too close. She knew him, intimately knew his flaws, maybe he was a different man from a distance. The voices in her head debated. People thought Tony a kind, wonderful, generous, benevolent businessman. She knew he could be loving, tender, sensual, and lavish. She also knew a side of him that didn’t fit either description.
He absently stared into space, stroking her blonde hair. She appreciated his efforts over the last few days, he was trying. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.
Tony remembered her expression during the funeral, so much overwhelming grief. That kind of emotion was only visible with the loss of someone you love dearly. Of course, she lost two someones. He remembered the church overflowing with people. Even though his death was not in the line of duty, Officer Jordon Nichols received full police honors. There were uniformed cops everywhere. And apparently Shirley Nichols had many bereaved friends and students. Blending into the crowd wasn’t difficult. Now as he stroked her silky hair he believed his plan took a turn that day. Originally he had different designs, but watching her flanked by her sister he knew he had to know her. Actually, reminiscing he knew before then that he didn’t want anyone else knowing her.
The internship was an easy ploy to rid her of Simon. Watching the sadness from Claire and his family today, there was a part of Tony that hated what happened. But it was Simon’s fault. He should have just left Claire alone, but no. His actions in Chicago resulted in the consequences today in Madison.
He beheld her sleeping face on his leg. That day so many years ago she’d been all alone. Today he did what he wanted to do then. It was him, not Emily, not John. She needed him. This wasn’t an occasion for smiles, but knowing she was asleep, he grinned.
As they landed in Iowa he gently woke his wife. It was only about six in the evening but the sky was dark and spitting snow. They hurried from the plane to the warm waiting car. Tony asked Claire a question, “Where would you like to go for our anniversary?”
“Some place sunny and warm.” The desire she didn’t say aloud: alone.
Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together when everyone else would understand
ifyoufellapart,that’struestrength. —Unknown
Chapter 45
November fluctuates between autumn and winter. Technically, winter doesn’t begin until after the winter solstice. But as it approaches, the days dramatically decrease in length, and the darkness increases. Some days in November include brilliant blue skies and crisp, intense sunshine. The contrast and fluctuations in weather and life created the unpredictable pressures that defined Claire’s existence. She stressed when Tony was good because she knew it may not last. She worried when he was bad because she knew how bad he could be.
During a private girls’ lunch, Courtney approached the subject again. Since the completion of the silent auction, the frequency of their lunch dates had decreased. Claire desperately missed them. Therefore, following Simon’s memorial, she was elated to receive another invitation accompanied by Tony’s eagerness for her to accept. He said, “I think you need some fun.” She couldn’t have agreed more.
They spent the afternoon in Bettendorf eating, shopping, walking, and talking. Courtney knew about Simon. She knew an old friend of Claire’s had approached her at one of Tony’s speaking events and that Tony wasn’t pleased. She didn’t know the entire story. She also knew about Simon’s sudden death and Tony’s remarkable support. Courtney made Claire laugh, and that was monumental for Claire’s precarious mental health.
Courtney talked about the impending holidays. She expectantly waited for her children to return home from their points of interest and settle in for holiday celebrations. Claire liked the Simmons children, who weren’t really children. They were in their twenties—one still in graduate school, the other beginning a career as an investment banker in St. Louis. Neither married, but their son Caleb had a steady girlfriend. Courtney liked her and hoped that Caleb would pop the question soon. She and Brent wanted to be grandparents. It seemed strange that Claire was only two years older than Caleb, and Courtney was her best friend.
Another exciting topic for Courtney was her impending trip. Tony finally recognized Brent’s hard work and awarded him a substantial Christmas bonus. He told Brent before the holidays so that Brent could plan some nice surprise for Courtney. Brent didn’t want to risk Courtney’s disapproval, so he included her in the planning from the beginning. They were going to Fiji, similar to Tony and Claire’s honeymoon. Refusing to miss Christmas with their children, they wouldn’t go until after the first of the year. Courtney asked Claire lots of questions. Her excitement was contagious. Claire told Courtney everything she could remember. Mostly the destination equaled paradise and don’t worry about packing too many clothes, they didn’t seem to stay on in paradise.