About a week later she sat perched on a high stool with her Gucci heeled boots teetering on a wooden rod, listening to her friend’s voice, more evidence of progress. Claire loved Courtney’s company. She could talk enough for the both of them, making Claire laugh in the process. Today she was talking about the Red Cross, the amazing job it did responding to natural disasters and helping the citizens of Iowa and the United States. She explained the financial problems facing the Red Cross with donations decreasing and needs increasing. Courtney was the fund-raising chairman for the Quad City Chapter. She asked for Claire’s help with her committee, believing that they had an advantage of knowing individuals and businesses that were surviving the economic slowdown. They could use those connections to help raise money. She asked Claire which fund-raisers she thought would be most profitable. They discussed the pros and cons of an auction, banquet, sports tournament, or raffle. There were so many possibilities. Courtney wanted to exceed last year’s goal.
The pub where they sat was electric with energy. Located on the University of Iowa’s campus, its tables overflowed mostly with students coming and going. The hum of voices combined with the sound of moving chairs caused Claire’s toes to move with excitement. She hadn’t been around this many people in so long. She wanted to absorb all the vitality. Claire told Courtney that with a degree in meteorology the idea of assisting with a charity that aided with the disasters she used to forecast appealed to her.
Courtney gave her a folder of information. It contained a calendar with scheduled committee meetings and a list of committee members’ names, e-mail addresses, and telephone numbers. As Claire ate her salad she scanned the contents. This volunteering would be more time consuming than she’d realized. That was great. Of course, she knew she would need to run it all by Tony. But how would it appear if Mrs. Anthony Rawlings wasn’t willing to help charities? Besides, he had allowed this outing knowing that Courtney wanted Claire’s help, more evidence.
Courtney stood to get them both some coffee and Claire looked around the restaurant. She couldn’t believe her exhilaration at being out with a friend. Between Courtney and the surroundings she felt like her chest would pop. The people at the other tables looked so carefree. They probably took their freedoms for granted, Claire knew she used to. Exhaling, she thought about her husband. He was trying to consider her requests. She smiled as she remembered him telling her to call Courtney.
Everything seemed normal as he entered her suite and talked about his day. It was as he entered the bathroom for a shower that his words stunned her. “Claire, I almost forgot, Courtney would like you to call her. My iPhone is on the bookcase. Her number is in the address book under Courtney S., help yourself.” Then he turned and closed the door. Claire stared. Was it really him? The other times she called from any phone, he’d dialed. She worried that maybe she had imagined the whole scene.
Her legs wobbled as she walked toward his iPhone. Slowly, she picked it up and went through the address book. She scrolled until she saw Courtney S. There were many names, she continued to scroll and saw Emily V., John V., and John V. home. She scrolled back to Courtney S. and hit the dial icon. The screen indicated that the call was in progress. It didn’t last long and Claire believed her clammy hands and shaking knees couldn’t be detected on the other end. Most excitedly she’d made a call and it led to this lunch.
When Courtney returned, she set the mugs on the table. Their salads were gone and the Red Cross had been thoroughly discussed. It had been fun. Now they were having some more coffee and chatting before returning home. Gently, Courtney reached out and held Claire’s hand. Suddenly, Claire felt uneasy. With as much practice as she had maintaining eye contact in difficult situations, she looked away from her friend. Courtney’s pale blue eyes showed too much concern. “I am so glad you have agreed to help me.” She spoke softly and slowly.
Claire’s uneasiness made her want to pull her hand away. Instead, she smiled. “I am happy that I can help you and others.”
“Claire, you don’t need to be perfect all the time. You don’t need to say everything perfectly, look perfect, and be perfect. Life isn’t a test that you must continually pass.” Claire stared silently at her friend, afraid her voice might crack. The energy of the room evaporated. “I just want you to know that Brent and I have known Tony for a long time . . .” Claire swallowed. She heard this speech from everyone who knew her husband and had entitled it the Great Man Speech, usually accompanied by the He works so hard. “And he can be a pompous, condescending, controlling ass.”
Claire’s eyes grew wide and her head dropped. She didn’t cry. She laughed, suddenly and uncontrollably, bordering on hysteria. It wasn’t good for appearances. Apparently, her laughter was contagious because Courtney started laughing too. People looked at them. Fleetingly, Claire didn’t care. After a few moments, she regained enough composure to ask, “Excuse me? What did you just say?”
“Honey, you heard me. And I am pretty sure you know exactly what I said.” Courtney squeezed Claire’s hand again. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your husband. But let me be honest, sometimes I hate him too.” Claire nodded. She completely understood. “It’s all right. But it’s not all right for you to feel alone.” Claire listened. “Your husband loves you. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you. But he has demons, ones I don’t even begin to understand. And he has serious issues with control. He can drive Brent crazy sometimes.”
“Courtney, I think maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation.” Claire’s uneasiness returned.
“Tony would say we shouldn’t be having this conversation. What do you say?”
Claire didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted the conversation to end, it made her uncomfortable. The other part of her wanted to talk, open up, and feel connected to someone in this world besides Tony. “I think maybe it would be better not to speak about Tony.”
“All right, Claire, I respect you. I respect you for marrying Tony and for your inability to talk.” Claire tried desperately to maintain her mask. “I have tried my very best to make you comfortable. I want you to feel relaxed with me.”
“I do Courtney. I consider you my friend.”
“Honey, I am your friend. You are my friend. And Tony is a dear friend too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.”
“Thank you, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I recognize fine. And sometimes when you are with us, you are fine. Other times you only seem fine.” Claire didn’t know what to say. “It must be difficult to suddenly be thrust into Tony’s world. He puts a lot of significance on appearances. Well, maybe he hasn’t mentioned that to you.” Courtney started to stand to leave.
Tears started to escape down Claire’s cheeks. Her voice barely an audible whisper, “Courtney, please sit back down.” Courtney did. “If Tony knew we were having this conversation, I wouldn’t be able to have lunch with you again, and perhaps it could affect Brent’s job. I know they’re best friends, but with Tony I’m not sure there are boundaries.” Courtney was at least twenty years Claire’s senior, yet she listened, recognizing the sincerity of the younger woman’s tone.
“So my intuitions aren’t unwarranted.” Claire shook her head no. Courtney spoke softly. “Claire, are you all right?”