“Tonight was a good lesson, and one you need to take to heart. As a leader, you’re going to make mistakes. The world knows I’ve made more than my fair share. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. Awareness, on all levels, is vital. You can’t let the mistakes of the past cloud your mind or you’ll never be able to make a decision. At some point, you’ll need to make snap decisions. Sometimes, they won’t be the right ones, but you’ll make that decision based on instinct. That instinct is driven by the bag of tricks you carry. As you progress, that bag will grow as you stuff more experience into it. You’ve heard me say many times that making a decision, any decision, is better than not making one at all. A leader was once asked, ‘How do you make so many good decisions?’ The answer given, ‘Because I made so many bad ones in the past’. Collect the lesson and move on. Does any of this make sense?”
Robert continues to look at his dad.
“You can talk now.”
“Yeah, I guess it does, but I still feel like I let everyone down. I almost blew us up.”
“No one thinks that. You can march down there and ask them. They’ll look at you funny and tell you bullshit. And I’m not just saying that to blow sunshine up your skirt,” his dad says.
“How about we not use that expression again,” Robert says, the first smile coming to his face in a while.
“Deal,” his dad replies.
“So, are you going to relieve me?” Robert asks.
“You’re kidding, right? I need you. You do a tremendous job leading the team in back, and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d want there. We’re going to need your expertise in the coming days and weeks.”
“Okay, Dad…thanks,” Robert says.
“Just tellin’ it like it is. Is something wrong with your head?”
“What do you mean?” Robert says.
“You’ve been rubbing it the whole time we’ve been talking,” his dad says.
“I just bumped it in the aircraft. It’s nothing. I had my helmet on and it rubbed it funny.”
He’s worried his dad will see through his story and find out about his headache. Then he’ll ground him and hover like a mother hen. His dad stares hard at him for a moment.
“Okay. Go get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With that, Robert turns and walks with Michelle into their cubicle. Later that night, with his arm around Michelle as she sleeps, he stares at the ceiling. He goes over what his dad said and sees the truth in it. He also thinks about the numerous night runners they saw and thinks that they might be heading their way. That is if they continue to push south. His dad didn’t say anything about how they are going to counter them, but he assumes they’ll hit them nightly and whittle them down. They have the walls to keep them out and have enhanced their defenses, so he’s not overly worried about another attack like the one the others experienced in which Lynn was taken.
With these thoughts, he falls into a dreamless sleep.
Bri stays at the planning table following the debrief. She watches as Gonzalez walks away, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. Robert follows slowly in her tracks with his head hung low. Bri knows he feels bad and blames himself for what happened tonight. She wants to go to him but doesn’t really know what to say. She’s sure that anything she does say won’t be the right thing.
It’s been a week full of downers. Sure they rescued Lynn, but that seems to have been forgotten amidst losing McCafferty, finding out that there may be a group targeting them, and Drescoll disappearing. The events have brought back an unreal feeling — that this is all somehow still a dream. None of this can be real.
She would never admit it to anyone, but the events tonight in the aircraft were actually kind of exciting. She never felt like they were in trouble. Well, she would be lying to really say that. There was a moment during the initial slam when she thought they’d had it, but the fear of death never entered her mind. She knew her dad would handle it. The thing that worries her, and excites her, is being included as a full member of Red Team. She absolutely hates the way it came about. Bri really liked Allie. She reminded her of one of her friends. Bri had started to bond with McCafferty seeing as she and Gonzalez always seemed to be together. Bri will miss that… and Allie.
She hears her dad sigh loudly and start up the stairs to where Robert and Gonzalez went. This whole thing has shown her such a different aspect of her dad. Having watched movies and gone on trips with him, she would never have guessed this about him. She knew that he knew stuff, but she had no idea about this part of him.
To be honest, she feels kind of lost in this new world. Her dad pays attention to her, too much at times, and Gonzalez always seems to be there, but she doesn’t really have any friends. There’s no one to hang out with and talk to. Sure there’s Red Team, and they’re fun to be with, but she always feels a little left out… like she’s on the outside. She supposes that could be an age thing, but she really wants to belong, and not just because of her dad. She wants to belong because of her.
She misses her friends. It’s the camaraderie that she misses the most; although there are a couple of her friends she really does miss. And Nic. Bri wishes so much, every day, that her sister was still here. She’d know what to do and always made Bri feel special. In some ways, it seems like Nic’s death happened so long ago, yet in her heart, it still seems like yesterday. With Nic around, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. She was just that way.
If she were to have a word to describe how she feels, it would be thin… she feels thin. Like there’s no substance to her. There’s no meaning. Sure, there’s the whole surviving thing, but they do that every day and that’s different. Perhaps now that she’s a part of Red Team, that empty feeling will leave and she’ll be a part of something.
The one part of the day she looks forward to is the training. She’s not a fan of waking up early, but eagerly takes it in once she’s out and engaged in it. She can’t get enough of it and wants to learn everything there is — to experience it. Nic enters her mind once again and Bri wishes her sister were here to see her now… see how far she has come. And to share in conversations they used to have, both deep ones and those just for fun.
Bri quickly wipes away the tears in her eyes. She doesn’t want anyone to see her crying. She remembers Gonzalez’ talk with her seemingly so long ago.
Tempered steel, she thinks and turns back to the flight plan they have for the trip out. She has fuel numbers to crunch.
Last Legs
Krandle slips off the rubber craft and studies the narrow strip of sand before him. The soft roar of waves rolling onto the beach is the only accompanying sound. Off to the west, the Santa Fe has already submerged but will rise again quickly upon the team’s return.
They had traveled slowly down the coastline, checking out the small towns and establishments nestled in the forested hills. This wasn’t a very populated area of the coast — mostly small resort towns and fishing villages. Captain Leonard would sound the horn, wait for any sign of activity, and then submerge and move on after finding none. The clouds drew a blanket over them without rain. Pockets of fog would form just after sundown against the shore, lifting with the sunrise and pushing out to sea.
They ran through the gentle swells of the Pacific, working their way south with the eventual goal of reaching San Diego where the sub was based. The eager anticipation from the crew is an almost physical presence. The usual breakage of items that would normally send them to port early hadn’t occurred. There was an underlying tension as well. The scenes from shore weren’t encouraging that any would find their families safe, but still, hope remained. After all, there were survivors from up north, so the crew held onto this hope that they would find their loved ones waiting for them.