"A cop can't be effective if he dwells on-"
"I froze up! I didn't react until both of us were down."
"Why did you hesitate, McNeal?"
She blinked at him as if the question had stunned her. "The shooter… he was just a kid…"
Another piece of the puzzle fell into place. "You're not the only cop who's ever hesitated for that reason," he said.
"Look, Nick, I know you're trying to help. But you're not. I don't need your amateur-shrink bull. I'm handling this."
He snorted. "I can tell."
Her nostrils flared. "Spare me the sarcasm. This is hard enough without you-"
"All I'm trying to tell you is that you don't have to deal with this alone."
"I'm the one who got my partner shot. Who else should deal with it but me?"
"Danny Perrine wasn't the only one who got shot that night, McNeal. You took a bullet, too. You risked your life and you've got the scar to prove it. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe both of you are alive today because of you?"
"That sounds really good, Chief. It even makes me sound heroic. But we both know that's not how it really happened, don't we?"
Nick raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You know, McNeal, if we were anywhere but Logan Falls, I'd yank you off the street so fast you'd get whip-lash."
A short laugh broke from her throat. "Careful, my confidence is soaring."
"You're not helping matters."
"Leave it alone, Nick. I don't want to discuss this with you. I don't want to-"
"Deal with it? Level with me? Be truthful with yourself?"
"How about all of the above?"
"You'd rather wallow in guilt? Funny, but I didn't peg you as the wallowing type."
"That's not fair. None of this has been easy to take."
"All, there you go again, talking about fair. Haven't you learned by now that fair doesn't enter the picture when it comes to real life?"
"I'm not going to have this conversation with you."
She turned to walk into the kitchen, but Nick stopped her by grasping her biceps and turning her toward him. Couldn't she see he was trying to help her?
"You're a good cop," he said. "You're gutsy and brave, with a bright future. But you've got to give yourself time to heal. You've got to accept the reality that sometimes bad things happen that we can't control." The statement made him grimace when he thought of his own life, and the harsh reality of the last three years. But he knew now wasn't the time to address his own demons. Not when it was so much easier to address hers.
When she turned to him, Nick noticed the tears shimmering in her eyes. He stared at her, stricken, torn between the need to comfort and the stark, sudden need for distance.
"Don't cry on me now, McNeal."
"I'm not crying." She tried to turn away to keep him from seeing her tears, but he held her fast.
"You're part of my team," he said. "Your safety is my responsibility. I'm not the enemy here. Do you understand?"
"I can't talk about this right now." She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. "Let go of me so I can humiliate myself in peace."
He knew better than to let her tears get to him. But to see the strong woman before him reduced to a trembling bundle of raw emotions tore his judgment to shreds. He didn't like thinking of the physical pain the bullet had caused her or the mental anguish she'd lived with because of it. He sure didn't want to think about the way he was reacting to her. Not physically. Certainly not emotionally.
Damning the consequences, he reached for her. "Come here."
She resisted for an instant, then took a tentative step toward him. "Nick-"
"Shh." Her body came against his like a soft, liquid jolt of electricity. Pleasure wound slowly through him. The smell of clean hair and womanly flesh penetrated his resistance. Softness and heat tore down his defenses. Awareness spiraled through him when her arms went around his neck.
Nick closed his eyes against sensations and feelings he had absolutely no desire to examine. Not with Erin McNeal. A woman who could destroy every wall, every line of defense he'd built in the last three years. But the warmth of her body heated his blood. The softness of her breasts against his chest tormented him in ways he'd forgotten existed.
She murmured something against his shoulder, but Nick didn't comprehend the words. All he could think of was that he wanted her closer, wanted to feel her against him, caution be damned.
Helpless to keep himself from it, he tightened his arms around her. Awareness and pleasure melded into need. His hand went to the back of her head. He stroked her hair. It felt like silk beneath his fingertips, and he marveled at the texture. Tilting his head, he pressed his cheek against her hair and took in her scent. Sweet. Mysterious. Titillating.
Arousal flared hot and deep in his groin. Need ate away at his resistance until it was little more than an annoyance he crushed with a single blow. All he could think of was that he wanted her body closer to his. His mouth against hers. Her flesh beneath his hands.
She sighed, and her body went fluid in his arms. His lips brushed against her temple. She shifted closer. Sensation crashed over him. Powerful. Shocking. He rode the wave, absorbing her essence, trying in vain to keep from falling into a crevasse he might not ever be able to climb out of.
Erin told herself it was just a hug. A comforting embrace given to her by a fellow cop who understood what she was going through. But she knew that wasn't the truth. And she wasn't brave enough to admit just how good it felt to be cocooned in his arms. Or how solid and arousing his body felt against hers. It had been so long since anyone had held her. Since a man had held her. Since she'd let anyone get close enough.
His hands skimmed down her back, and a shiver swept the length of her. She felt his lips against her temple. The warmth of his breath on her cheek. Her body tingled where he touched her. Warm. Reassuring. More erotic than a kiss. An alarm clanged somewhere in the back of her mind, but she silenced it. This embrace didn't mean anything to either of them, she assured herself. They were cops, bound by understanding and what might one day become friendship. It wouldn't hurt for him to hold her. It wouldn't hurt for her to partake in this one, tiny mistake.
He shifted closer. For the first time she noticed his quickened breath. The fact that his hands had grown restless, his body hard against hers. Erin knew she should pull away and stop this before things got out of hand. She knew better than to give in to something as foolish as the need to be held, or, heaven forbid, the desire to feel his mouth against hers. Not this man. Not now. But it seemed as if Nick had cast some kind of spell over her. She couldn't move. Couldn't bring herself to deprive her body of his, even if it was the smart thing to do.
She closed her eyes, fighting the sexual tug, but her body betrayed her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She felt his hands at her sides, moving upward, brushing the outer curves of her breasts. Another shiver trembled through her. Then he was cupping her face, his dark eyes seeking hers. She knew what would happen next, and she dreaded it even as anticipation rampaged through her.
His mouth met hers with devastating gentleness that sent an explosion of desire through her body. A pang settled low in her belly, and she felt herself become aroused. The sheer power of her reaction stunned her, sent a spark of panic to a brain that didn't want to believe she'd met a man who could kiss her with such utter perfection that she forgot who she was. Surely not this small-town cop who, as a man, could never deal with her career.