“Playing with myself.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. His foot touched mine in the bed. I liked that our toes were teasing each other.
“I never knew you knew,” I said softly. I’d always thought that was something one took care of in private. That hungry, desperate need to get off. I’d never been in a relationship where this type of situation was discussed. You fuck your partner. You play with yourself. You don’t really talk about either in any great depth.
“So how do you do it?” Josh asked, clearly not understanding my above rules, or choosing to ignore them.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you have a vibrator? Do you use your fingers? Do you do it in the shower?”
I took a deep breath and rolled over on the mattress. He rolled me back over to face him. “You’re not going to hide from me. I want to know.”
“I’ve got stage fright,” I told him.
“You never have stage fright. You love being in front of an audience, singing all of those emo songs, dripping with personal facts.”
“Not about my pussy.”
He laughed. “Good. I don’t want you singing about your pussy on stage. I want you to tell me how you take care of yourself when nobody’s looking. And then I want to be the one looking. Can you do that for me?”
I didn’t have an answer. Could I?
The second time I’d found Josh stroking himself was in the bedroom. He didn’t stop when I opened the door. He stood there in front of me, hand moving piston fast on his rock-hard cock. Just like the time in the shower, I’d thought the scene was sexy. In fact, I’d been desperate for him to fuck me before he could make himself come, begging for him to stop wasting it on his palm and give his cock to me.
“You liked watching, didn’t you?” he asked, trying a different tactic.
“You know I did.”
“You’ll like being the one watched. I promise. If you’re uncomfortable at any time, we can stop.”
I nodded. “Okay. Let’s stop.”
“We haven’t even started yet.”
“And I’m uncomfortable.”
“You’re not uncomfortable. You have performance anxiety.” He said the words as if he was reading them off a file.
“How is that different from stage fright?”
“You’re not exactly afraid. You’re more frozen. You need a little melting. I can help you. Start by telling me how you do it. Then show me.”
“Okay.” But I didn’t. I lay there at his side and I didn’t say a word. Josh got up off the bed and went rummaging through the bottom drawer of my dresser. In moments, he had my vibrator. He’d known all along that I had one. I pushed up on my elbows to tell him to put my toy away, but he already was playing with the controls, holding the shaft in the palm of one hand and fiddling with the knob at the base.
“Wow, that’s a powerful cock,” he said.
I didn’t respond.
“Maybe I should just guess how you do it, and you can tell me if I’m right or not.”
I grabbed the vibrator from his hand and turned off the power. “I don’t have a way,” I said. “Not one way. I do different things.”
“Like…”
I went mute once more as if Josh had pressed a button on my internal remote control. Josh went to my closet and while I watched, he plucked my favorite stage dress from the assortment within. “Put this on.”
“Josh…”
“Put it on.”
I stood and stripped, feeling him watching my every move. Then I slid into the champagne lace number and tossed my hair back. I was not about to admit this to Josh, but I found myself getting excited. I added thigh-high ripped stockings and my battered patent leather boots. My onstage look is fallen angel-pretty dress, destroyed accessories.
“Now your makeup.”
He knows my routine well from having watched me get ready for countless stage shows. I sat at my vanity and did my rock girl look-dark eggplant eye shadow, deep ruby lipstick, plenty of mascara.
“Your lucky jewelry,” he prompted. I put the chain with the silver heart locket around my neck. “What else do you need?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not true. You need to have a mind-blowing orgasm… I mean, you need to come while I watch.” He handed me the vibrator once more.
“I need a drink,” I said.
He left the room and I could hear him walking down the hall to the kitchen. In seconds, I heard the sound of a champagne cork popping. While he was out of eyesight, I stared at myself in the mirror. Could I do this? He wasn’t asking for much, wasn’t asking for anything he hadn’t done for me. Why was touching myself in front of my man so difficult? Because he’d see me-really see me-in my most base position. But he’d seen me climax before. This shouldn’t have been such a big deal. I had that entire conversation with myself in the mirror before Josh walked back into the room with a glass of champagne.
“Cheers,” I said.
“Bottoms up,” he responded.
I could feel the heat between us. Maybe he would be happy if we just fucked. He always likes to do me in my stage clothes-especially right before I go out in front of a crowd. The thought that his wetness is still inside me, or slicking up the tops of my thighs, always makes him feel special. I took a sip and then kissed him. He let me, giving himself over to the kiss for a few moments before pushing away.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You’re not going to get off that easy,” he said. “Show me.”
I sat on the edge of the bed. I looked at the toy. I looked at Josh. I pushed back until I was in my favorite position, head on the pillows, legs spread. Then I started to touch myself through my dress and my panties using the vibrator.
“You start slowly, huh?” Josh asked.
“This isn’t an audience participation show,” I snapped at him. He grinned back. I closed my eyes, blocking out his handsome face as I began to raise the dress to my hips so I could press the tip of the toy right against my clit through my panties.
Josh’s eyes were on me. I could feel him. Suddenly, him watching didn’t seem like a bad thing. I arched my hips as I teased myself with the head of the vibrator. Then I turned the controls higher so the vibrations came at a stronger, more powerful pace. I was getting wetter by the second, but I didn’t take my panties down until the desire built inside of me. When I started to pull down my bikinis, Josh intervened.
“Let me,” he said.
I could have barked at him once more, but when I opened my eyes, he looked so aroused, I didn’t want to deny him. I allowed him to work my panties down my legs and over my boots. He spread my thighs open for me and got between my legs to watch close up as I brought the toy back in play. First, I danced the tip around my clit, and then I slowly inserted the rounded head into my pussy. Josh sighed as I began to fuck myself with the vibrator. I worked the base in my fist, gradually gaining speed as the climax grew closer. Right as I reached the cusp, Josh took the toy away from my hand, surprising me. Before I could muster a moan of protest, he began to fuck me with the vibrator, and as he did, he brought his mouth to the split of my body and licked my clit. I couldn’t believe how good that felt. He was fucking me hard and fast, and licking my clit at the same rapid pace.
“Oh, fuck,” I groaned. “Oh, God, Josh, I’m going to come. I’m going to…”
“Do it, baby. Come for me,” he demanded.
“If you keep sucking me like that and fucking me like that…” He did as I asked, working the rod of the vibrator in and out of my pussy while locking his lips in a tight circle around my clit. I was out of my head with pleasure, but somehow I still managed to think-he’s watching me. I did it! I touched myself in front of Josh. I jerked off in front of my man. I succeeded in overcoming my performance anxiety!
The climax was overpowering. I shook the bed with the movements of my body. I could not remember ever being quite so turned on as I was by Josh working me with the toy and his mouth. When I finally floated back to earth, Josh was looking at me with a smile of total satisfaction on his face.