We sat in the kitchen, all white marble and brass accents. A Vitamix container with smoothie dregs soaked in the farmhouse sink. French doors looked out to a backyard as pristine as Shupfer’s and ten times larger.
I began by reviewing the timeline of Adam’s disappearance.
His sister cut in angrily:
“You’re making it sound like I twiddled my thumbs.”
“I didn’t mean to suggest that.”
“First off, you need to understand. Olivia was hysterical. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I told her, ‘Go to the garage and see if his car’s there.’ I did it to give her something to do. I was trying to calm her down. And to be rational. For all we knew he really was running an errand. But she’s going, ‘No, no, I can feel it, we’re connected.’ I’m trying to think here and you’re talking astrology. That doesn’t mean I’m not worried. Of course I’m worried. He’s my brother. As soon as I got off the phone with her I started calling hospitals. If I waited to call my parents it was because I knew how they’d react. And, and — I was right: The second I told my mom he was missing she broke down. After that they wouldn’t take my calls. My dad screamed at me for tying up the line. I never got to tell them I’d already spoken to hospitals. So, yes. I’m worried. I’m also doing my best not to lose my mind. It’s okay, he’ll turn up eventually, that’s what happened last time.”
I said, “Last time?”
She smirked. “They didn’t tell you, did they.”
“Seems that way.”
Kirsten pressed her temples. “You see what I’m dealing with?”
I glanced at Regina, who said, “Tell us. Please.”
“In college,” Kirsten said. “He disappeared and wound up in the hospital.”
I said, “Your mom said he had a panic attack.”
“He did, but he was missing for three days. We were both living in New York, me at NYU Law and him at Sarah Lawrence. Adam’s RA emailed my parents because he’d skipped a couple of exams and wasn’t in his dorm. My parents couldn’t get ahold of him. So they called me, freaking out, and sent me to go look in on him. Halfway there, my phone rings. This woman says she’s a nurse at Bellevue, Adam’s in the ER, can I please come. I get off the train, cross the platform, and get right back on.”
“Why’d they call you and not your parents?” Regina said.
“Adam told them to. He didn’t want my parents finding out. Which was ridiculous. It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell them. But it shows you where his head was.”
“How did he get to the ER?”
“The cops found him wandering the streets, bleeding from his legs. At first they thought he’d been assaulted, but he told the doctor he’d done it to himself.”
“Suicide attempt?”
“I don’t know. It was his legs, not his arms. I asked him: ‘Why would you do that, cut yourself?’ He said he was upset. He’d been seeing someone, and he broke it off.”
“Adam did.”
“No. The guy.”
“He was dating a man.”
Kirsten nodded.
“Your parents didn’t tell us that, either,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure they don’t know. Adam swore me to secrecy.”
“Who was this person?”
Kirsten shook her head. “All he would say was, he wouldn’t go back to school. I stayed with him till my mom could fly out and bring him home.”
“Had he had other relationships with men?” Regina asked.
“Not that I know of. He wasn’t open about things like that.”
“He trusted you enough to confide in you.”
“Fifteen years ago, maybe. But that hasn’t been true for a long time.”
“What changed?”
“My brother’s got a lot of issues, okay? And my parents enable him. They always have. There’s never any consequences. They just swoop in and save him. And — this is going to sound wrong. It’s gonna sound like I’m being jealous or petty. But that’s not it.”
“We’re listening.”
“Adam...” She paused. “He starts at Oberlin. Drops out. Transfers to Sarah Lawrence. Pulls this stunt. Drops out again. He’s screwing around with this ‘film,’ traveling the world, while they foot the bill. Meanwhile, I’m graduating. I’m getting a job, I’m getting married. You’d think they’d notice that and want to reward it. Their instinct is the opposite. ‘Well, looks like you’re doing fine without us.’ I don’t need their money, all right? I wouldn’t accept it even if they tried to give it to me. But what kind of message does that send? Not to me, to him. They’re incentivizing him not to grow up.”
“Do you think that’s what they wanted?” I said. “To infantilize him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. My father liked to live out his fantasies through Adam. He wanted to be an artist, did he tell you that?”
I shook my head.
“A painter. His family was... I won’t say poor, but certainly not rich. Nothing like my mom’s. His parents pushed him to do something practical, and he was bright enough to get a full ride at Yale. That’s where they met. Her parents were humiliated. They referred to my dad as ‘the scholarship boy.’ Marrying him was the only brave thing she’s ever done in her life.”
Regina said, “I can see why you’d feel uncertain how to respond when Adam went missing.”
“Thank you for saying that. It’s like everybody thinks I hate him, or I’m cold. And it’s so unfair. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. But.”
She fell silent, scraping at the countertop with a lacquered nail.
“This Adam, he’s not the person I remember. I remember someone else when we were kids.” She looked at us. “I want to keep those memories.”
I nodded.
“Anyway.” She smiled. “My two cents.”
“We appreciate it,” I said. “If you don’t mind, could we talk about the days that followed? The search, the investigation.”
“I wasn’t involved. I offered. They turned me down.”
“Your parents did, or Olivia?”
“Them. I doubt she argued, though. She probably enjoyed feeling included for once. The three of them were acting like a little secret society. They said they didn’t need people complicating things. ‘Too many cooks.’ ”
She sounded more sad than bitter.
“What kind of relationship did you have with Olivia?” Regina asked.
“None. That night, when she wanted to reach me, she didn’t even have my number. She had to google my husband, call his office, and get it from him.”
“She implied that the friction was between you and Adam, not you and her.”
“I mean, I never had it out with her. She’s not a confrontational person, more passive-aggressive. But things between him and me got worse after she entered the picture.”
“You think she turned him against you?”
“Can’t prove it,” she said. “But she had a good deal going. He bought her gifts, he took her on vacation. I assume she wanted to keep that.”
“And she viewed you as a threat,” I said.
“Wouldn’t be the first time. I’m smarter than she is. Plenty of people find that threatening.”
“What do you think attracted Adam to her?”
“I have no idea. She’s cute, I guess. Maybe she has mad blowjob skills. Sorry,” she said, pushing up from her barstool, “I have to get ready for my call.”
“Real quick,” Regina said. “What can you tell us about Trevor Vogel?”
Kirsten made an impatient noise. “That’s my dad talking.”
“Maybe. But he’s paying us.”
“Well, I can’t help you there. Trevor was Adam’s friend, not mine. From what I remember he was a loser. End of story.”