“Still bullshit.” He picked at a piece of dead skin on his lip. “You talked to Jasmine.”
“A little.”
“How’s she doing.”
“Working hard.”
“Not my fault the bitch won’t take my money.” He tugged the skin loose — blood welled up — and flicked it under the table. “You see my girls?”
“Briefly.”
“How they look?”
“Happy,” I lied.
Quickly, mercifully, the food began to arrive, piles of seafood and thin-sliced raw meat. Trevor tossed items barehanded onto the cooking grate, pulling them off at the first sign of color change and cramming them down with bleak determination.
Force-feeding himself.
He gagged on rib eye, groped for water. “This shit is chewy as fuck.”
Rotted teeth didn’t help. I said, “Maybe give it longer on the fire.”
He grew slightly more agreeable as he filled up, leading me to wonder how much of his surliness was due to temperament, how much to drugs, and how much to plain old hunger. At minimum he appeared intent on getting my money’s worth, demolishing one platter after another. The server began giving us a wide berth.
When he seemed relatively pacified, I asked about Adam’s arrest in high school.
“It was unloaded,” Trevor said. “I didn’t want him doing nothing crazy.”
“What did he want a gun for?”
“He was just angry.”
“At what?”
“Everything. His parents, school. Yo,” he called to the server, waving a plate at her. “I need me some more of these shrimps.”
She didn’t move.
“All you can eat,” he said. “Right?”
She glared, took the plate into the kitchen.
“Shit.” Trevor shook his head. “Don’t call it that if that ain’t what it is.”
“A couple people have mentioned that Adam was sexually attracted to men.”
I expected denial but Trevor nodded.
“You knew.”
“Hell yeah. That’s my boy. Ride or ride.”
“Was that what he was angry about? Was he frustrated?”
“Nah. He was like that since he was little.”
I hazarded the logical question: “Anything ever happen between the two of you?”
“Not really.”
“Not really or no?”
“It didn’t mean nothing.”
I waited.
He said, “We used to go swimming at his house. The pool had these jets, right? And you could, like, you could rub on them? That shit felt good... Anyway we’re in there, I’m all like, unh, unh, unh, I’m about to come, I got my eyes closed, and I feel Adam’s hand on my dick. I was like, ‘Whoa, whoa, what the fuck.’ ”
“What did he do?”
“Let go my dick.”
“How old were you?”
“Nine, ten. Something like that.”
“Did it affect your friendship?”
“Not really. We kinda just forgot about it.”
“Did it ever happen again?”
“Uh-uh.” He forked a piece of rib eye, dunked it in ssamjang, and sat back, chewing. “It’s crazy, you know? In school they always had me and him sitting next to each other, ’cause of our last names. And I hated him. For real. Hated. I thought he was a lil bitch. Our moms forced us to play together so we’d stop fighting. Then I was like, ‘Okay, he’s still a lil bitch. But he’s my lil bitch.’ ”
“What about as you got older? Did he hook up with guys?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Would he have told you?”
“He told me when he fucked girls.”
“Okay, but maybe this was something he would’ve kept private.”
Trevor shrugged. “You asked me, I answered you.”
“Adam’s sister told us that he had a relationship with a man during college,” I said. “And that he was pretty upset when it ended.”
“I don’t know about that. We sorta stopped talking when he left Cali. He was over there doing his thing, I was here doing mine.”
“He never discussed it with you later.”
“Nah, man.”
The server brought the shrimp.
“Some more these ribs, too,” Trevor said.
She stiffened and left with the empty.
“How’d you and Adam get back in touch?” I asked.
“He DM’d me. He said he wanted to make a movie about us.” Shrimp dumped onto the grill. “I think he just wanted an excuse to hang out.”
“Why’d he need an excuse?”
“ ’Cause of Olivia.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You know how bitches be.”
“Not sure I do.”
“Yeah, you do.” He prodded the shrimp with tongs. “She’s all texting him, where you at, who you with, when you coming home.”
“Jealous.”
“For real for real.”
“Other people have described her and Adam as being in love.”
“I ain’t gonna argue with that.”
“Did Adam cheat on her?”
“Yo, that’s his business.”
“Is that a yes?”
He tossed the tongs down with a clatter. “Look, all I know, one time he comes over wearing this watch. Like a nice ass watch. I’m like, ‘That’s dope, where’d you get it?’ He goes, ‘A friend gave it to me.’ ‘Damn, I want to be this dude’s friend, too, hook me up.’ He took it off and straight up gave it to me. He said he’ll just ask the guy for another. I’m like, ‘Yo, what the fuck, who is this guy, fucking Santa Claus?’ Adam starts laughing. ‘Yeah, you gotta sit on his lap.’ ”
“He was getting paid for sex?”
“Whatever, I’m cool with it.”
“What’s this person’s name?”
“He didn’t say.”
“Did Adam ever mention him again?”
Trevor shook his head.
“When’d you have this conversation? Close to when Adam died?”
“Before.”
“Months, years?”
“Listen, bro, I told you what I know, all right?”
“Did you tell it to the cops?”
“They wasn’t asking about that, they just wanted me to confess to shit I never did. I don’t need anyone to make me feel like shit, all right? I already feel like shit.”
“Why?”
“Why you think? He’s dead.”
“You didn’t do it.”
“So? He’s dead, motherfucker.”
His face was red.
“You bitches are all the same. It’s like, what do I got to do? Fuck, bro. I didn’t even know he was dead till they came to talk to me.”
I nodded. “Tough way to find out.”
“No shit. And it fucks me up, all right? I think about it all the time. Literally every day. My brain just replays it, over and over. He’s out there dying and I’m locked up, I can’t do a thing.”
“What could you have done?”
He shook his head morosely. “Adam wasn’t built for real shit.”
The shrimp began to burn, sending up little pillars of black smoke. I was about to reach for the tongs when Trevor let out a half belch, half sob.
His eyes went wide.
He lurched from the booth and stumbled down the back hall, bumping the server, who yelped and dropped his platter of ribs.
Loud retches rang out.
I rushed to the men’s room, toed open the door. Trevor was on his knees. He’d aimed for the stall but fallen short, doubling over on the tiles and vomiting up his lunch.
Another place I could never return to.
Chapter 16
I wanted to share the intel with Regina before her interview with Olivia. But her phone was silenced, and I didn’t hear back from her until that evening, when she texted an audio file.
Hot off the presses