I look in the mirror at the black and white checkered sash that wraps around my waist and falls down the back of my dress. My little ode to Colton and our private joke.
My phone dings. Already giving rules and we’re not even married yet? A certain wife just might need to be fucked into submission later. My rule number one: You can have any rule you want, baby, but in the bedroom I’m the one making the rules.
I laugh, my body already strung so tight with need that I know his simple touch will set me off. I smirk, thinking of the checkered flag theme that’s carried over to my undergarments and the groan I’ll hear when Colton discovers it later. And I’m so desperate for that part, considering I’ve not let him touch me for the past month, regardless of how much he begged and pleaded. But when I decided to screw my own rules—give in to my own desire of wanting him to make love to him, he rejected me. “Welcome to the big leagues” his preferred comment of choice.
Ace, you already dominate my mind, heart, and soul … in the bedroom’s just an added bonus. Besides, since when do you follow rules?
I hit send as I breathe in deeply and smile at my reflection. Hair swept up with loose curls falling haphazardly, eyes bright and without doubt, so ready to walk down the aisle to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. My gaze catches the glimmer of the wedding traditions I’m wearing. And I pick my phone back up.
I love my gift. You didn’t have to. Thank you. Can’t wait to see you. I go to hit send and then stop myself, needing to tell him in our way. So I add to the text, Unconditionally, Katy Perry.
Tears blur my vision as I think of him and run my fingers over the bracelet around my wrist. The gift he left for me on my dresser. When I opened it my mom’s brow furrowed, but I laughed at the alphabet letters linked together with alternating diamonds and sapphires.
My something blue and something new.
My eyes focus on the diamond studs in my ears that my mom wore when she married my dad and I hope we can have a marriage as successful and loving as theirs.
My something old.
My heart aches remembering the look on Had’s face last night when she offered the simple tiara for me to wear. “You’re the only sister I have left now. I’d like for you to wear it.”
My something borrowed.
I close my eyes for a moment, emotions threatening to overwhelm me as I take this all in. As I etch in my brain what this feels like—life changing and yet so full of excitement all at once. And then my mind drifts toward the man I can’t wait to spend my life with. The man who caught me that first day, and despite a few bumps, has never let me fall—except for more in love with him. Every single day.
What is Colton thinking and feeling right now? Is he jittery? Nervous? Does he feel as certain as I do?
My phone alerts me again.
Get used to being spoiled. Not too much longer now. You know how much I love you because I’m handing over my balls momentarily to type the next song title, but fuck if it’s not true –Halo, Beyonce. Whew. Balls back in place now. And hey, there’s a lot of dressed up women down here, how will I know which one is you?
The words to the song hit me the same time as his sarcasm, and I emit a sobbing laugh, my body unsure which emotion it should let rule. And I decide to let them all rule—every single one—because this is a once in a lifetime kind of day.
And because I allow myself to feel everything right now, all I want is him, desperately. I appreciate all of the guests being here, but I couldn’t care less about all of the pomp and circumstance because what matters most is the man that’s going to be waiting for me at the end of the aisle.
I pick up my phone one last time, a soft smile on my face and type, I’ll be the one in white.
The knock on the door pulls me back from my thoughts. “Come in.”
“You ready, sweetheart?”
My mom’s voice tugs at all of the emotions rolling through me, and I have to fight the burn in the back of my throat. I keep telling myself not to cry—that I’ll mess up my makeup—but I know it’s futile. I’ve shed a lifetime of tears over the past three and a half years; I’m entitled to ruin my makeup with tears of joy now.
“Yeah, I am.” I look over at my mom and my lips curve into a soft smile that reflects hers. She holds my gaze, the pride along with a tinge of sadness that she’s letting me go, is evident in her blue eyes. “Don’t start,” I warn her, because I know if she begins crying, so will I.
“I know.” She sniffles and then laughs as places her hands on both sides of my cheeks and stares into my eyes. “He’s the one, Ry. A mother knows these things.” She shakes her head, a soft smile on her face before she answers the question in my eyes. “He dances in the rain with you. That’s how I know.”
I swallow back the tears again as I recall her advice the day we left the hospital. About how life isn’t how you survive the storm, but how you dance in the rain. And if I had any doubt about what I was about to do, it would have vanished in an instant with her simple comment.
Nothing like a mother’s stamp of approval to make my moment that much sweeter.
I’m about to say something when Haddie comes barreling through the door. “Time to fly the flag, baby, because it’s altar time!” she says with a whistle. “Hot damn, woman!”
“Thanks.” I laugh as she and my mom start to gather my dress up and we move toward the staircase, the soft notes of A Thousand Years is being played on an acoustic guitar down below. The words reveal everything I feel about the man waiting for me.
Quinlan gives us the go-ahead from downstairs that signals Colton is in position and can’t see me. My mom and Haddie help me walk down the stairs with my train so I don’t trip and break my ankle. We reach the bottom floor and my mom pulls me into a tight hug before pulling back and smiling at me with so many emotions swimming in her eyes.
“I know,” I whisper to her with a nod as Shane comes to escort her to her seat.
I feel a hand on my arm and turn to find the soft smile of my brother looking so handsome in his tux. Tanner locks eyes with me and just shakes his head. “It’s definitely not dress up at Nana’s house,” he teases, love reflected in his eyes as he reaches out and grabs my hands. “You ready to do this, Bubs?”
I nod my head vigorously, emotion clogging my throat as I think back to when we were little and used to play wedding at our Nana’s house. Gummy lifesavers for wedding rings and stuffed animals for guests. “Never been more ready,” I tell him, kissing him on the cheek as my usually stoic brother’s eyes well up with tears.
“You look stunning.” He shakes his head in disbelief one more time, before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.
“Dad?” I ask, looking over his shoulder for our father.
“Trying to compose himself,” he says with a wink. “It’s not every day you give your baby girl away. He’ll be here in a second.” I nod to him and then he turns to go stand beside Quinlan who’s already a blubbering mess. She meets my eyes and shakes her head, a silent acknowledgment that if we talk right now we’ll both be crying so hard we won’t recover.
“And there’s the woman who’s responsible for hundreds of females crying in their coffee today.” I turn my head to find the man I’ve grown to love over the past year.
“Becks.” It’s all I can say, but the admiration in my tone tells him all he needs to know. I adore him in so many ways, least of all for pushing Colton and me together when all we wanted was to break apart.