We were greeted at the front counter by an inordinately large older biker with a long white beard, bald head and tattoos covering every inch of his visible skin other than his face and parts of his neck. I could hear the buzz of guns jamming ink into skin in the back room; the sound sent shivers down my spine. Walker and Mitch greeted the guy who introduced himself as Calvin. Not too long before, Calvin had bought the shop and luckily kept most of the artists that worked there. Walker and Mitch both breathed out a sigh of relief when they were told that Jeff and Pete were still employed and not too busy to do some work on our little group. Walker had declared from the time of his first tattoo, that Jeff would be the only person to ink him and Mitch felt the same way about Pete.
Calvin checked all of our IDs and called into the back for Pete and Jeff. I had known what my first tattoo would be ever since I first went to the beach with Randy. We both loved the ocean and would enjoy it in any way possible. Randy’s favorite birds were sooty terns, always claiming he was jealous that they lived practically their whole lives out at sea. So, when the scary, biker jacket wearing shop owner turned to ask what I was getting, that is what I told him I wanted flying on my hip.
Walker chose to get a nautical compass to accompany the underwater scene on his lower leg. He had been working on that collage for a few years, and it was by far the best work he had on his body. Mitch planned to start a new sleeve on his left arm since all of the space on his other was full of dead gypsies, skulls and morbid looking flowers. The sleeve that he already had was breathtaking and the new one sounded like it was going to be just as beautiful but with a completely different theme. Mitch planned to get a pin-up style girl, posing seductively around an anchor on his forearm. I felt like it was a little cliché, but who was I to judge? Pete was a master at American traditional tattoos and Mitch’s idea was going to be spectacular.
I was practically shaking with anticipation as the guys chatted, and my mind started to grasp reality. Seeing the scared look on my face, Walker turned into me, pulling me tight to his warm body. It felt so inviting to be close to him, not to mention how fantastic he smelled, even after being in the hot sun all day. I took in a deep breath of cologne, beach and beer, relaxing into him. From behind me I heard two voices say hello to us. I knew the two artists well. When Jeff asked how I was doing, I realized he must have been told by Walker about Randy. I put on my most convincing smile and joked, “Well, I’m still breathing.” Walker jumped to my rescue and started to talk to Jeff about the piece he was thinking of and they turned to the counter where Jeff started to draw up a sketch on to tracing paper.
I was standing in the middle of the entryway watching Mitch and Pete talk about the pinup girl. They were pointing at Mitch’s arm where the girl would be and measuring out how much space she would take up. Suddenly, Calvin’s voice came booming from behind me, “Well, Little Lady, I think we need to find you a tattooer.” I turned around, trying to look calm and brave, but failing miserably while my knees and hands trembled. Out of the corner of my eye, Jeff popped up from his drawing.
“Mags, can I do it?” The shock mixing with excitement in Jeff’s face was contagious to me. I anxiously locked eyes with Jeff, not knowing if I was about to cry or laugh. Every type of emotion was running through my body. “That would be amazing, as long as Walker’s okay with it, of course!”
Walker smiled at me, walking over to wrap his arms around my waist. “I wouldn’t want anyone else to touch you.” His eyes had a lustful undertone that was all too intriguing, but I chose to ignore it and let my mind wander to my thrilled, scared heart, thumping with anticipation. He pulled me in a little tighter and breathed. “I’ll get mine done next time.” Turning to look at Jeff from over his shoulder, Walker’s voice got playfully stern. “I’m trusting you, man! Don’t fuck up!”
It was a little odd how touchy Walker had been these past few hours with me, but I couldn’t deny how comforting it was. I missed the companionship of my husband so much it physically hurt. Right now, that pain was subsiding, just enough to almost bring warmth back into my body. I gave Walker’s middle a quick squeeze then trotted over to the drawing table to tell Jeff the idea for my tattoo. Jeff scrolled through a few pictures of the seabird with me until I found one I loved, and he went to work drawing it onto transfer paper.
Before I could realize what was going on, I was lying on my side, my shorts undone, with Jeff putting the stencil on my hip. I got up gingerly, making sure my shorts didn’t fall off or mess up the outline, to go make sure I liked the almost-tattoo in the mirror. The bird looked like it was flying right off my hip bone. It was a little bigger than I was expecting, but stunning. I could not have imagined it any more perfect. Tears welled up in my eyes, full of all kinds of emotions, some I couldn’t even identify at the moment.
Walker and Mitch both gave Jeff a pat on the back and expressed their approval of the image. Mitch wrapped me up in one of his amazing bear hugs. “Mags, I’m shocked and proud. Sit like a champ. It’s going to be beautiful.” With that, Mitch sat on Pete’s chair to get his work done, and Walker pulled a chair up next to the cushioned table I’d be lying on, to offer a hand to squeeze for moral support. I got back down onto my side, bracing for the pain, and Walker settled into a comfortable position, taking both my hands into his. Mitch was in the seat behind me chatting away with Pete about life since their last session. This reminded me of my therapy sessions with Dr. Davenport while listening to Mitch talk. It was so clear to me that coming to the shop was where the guys came for their type of therapy. I go to a shrink; they get ink jammed into their skin.
Jeff asked me if I was ready, handing me a lollipop to suck on so I didn’t bite my tongue. I nodded once, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath. Without warning, the stinging sensation of the needle driving into my skin was intense. Chills and adrenaline started to cover my body as I squeezed Walker’s hands. Walker and Jeff talked, trying to include me into their conversation. My voice was trembling, and concentrating on anything other than keeping my body from shaking uncontrollably was out of the question. I couldn’t talk to them, I just had to let my mind go blank, blocking out everything, including the pain. I had gotten so good at blocking out my emotions that it was pretty easy for me. I just shut my eyes and concentrated on Walker’s hands grasped around mine, with his thumb slowly drawing circles on my overly sensitive skin. I stayed in that almost trance for the rest of my session, allowing myself to just be at peace and in the moment for the first time in ages.
Suddenly, the pain stopped and I realized the buzzing noise from the gun had ceased. I looked over to see Pete and Mitch hovering over me, and Jeff getting up to stretch his back out. Walker’s face turned quickly into excitement as his eyes flicked from mine to my hip. “Wow, Jeff, sick work! Mags, you’ve got a masterpiece on your side.” Walker helped me off the table and guided me to the full-length mirror to see my sooty tern in flight. I gasped and thanked Jeff profusely as a wave of emotion flooded my eyes, hot tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t help but feel like Randy was here and his grip on my sorrow was starting to release. I felt like this was a little piece of him that was never going to go away and that was all he needed to be at peace.
After going over the aftercare instructions with Jeff, and watching Mitch’s pin-up girl gain color, we headed back to my house. Mitch declined my offer for beer and food, claiming he had too much fun for one day. Walker, of course, could never turn down grub and booze, happily following me up the front steps after hugging his little brother goodbye. I always thought it was so wonderful how much they cared about each other, and were never shy about expressing it, especially after Randy’s death. When I asked Walker about it a while back, he just explained that he never wanted to miss another opportunity for his friends to know how much he truly loved and cared about them.