“Thanks. But the real reason I came over was because I though we both needed some kind of closure so we could move on with our lives. You’re a wonderful, warm, giving woman, Candy, but you do have unrealistic expectations of people. You want people to be perfect, but you always expect them to disappoint you. No one can live up to your standards. I just don’t want you to keep on hurting yourself that way.” Gary pushed away from the table, leaned down and brushed a kiss across her cheek. “I’m sorry about what happened to us. Sorry if I ever hurt you. I never wanted that.”
Candy saw the sincerity in his eyes. “Me too.” Reaching out, she squeezed his arm. Their relationship hadn’t worked out, but they were both still good people. Gary was right. They just hadn’t been able to talk honestly to each other and with the baggage they’d both brought with them, they hadn’t been able to survive the first big crisis.
“Take care of yourself.” Picking up his coffee cup, he turned and walked away, not once looking back.
“You too,” she whispered. A sense of closure washed over her. Candy watched him disappear, still reeling from his revelations. He’d painted a pretty honest picture of their relationship and of her. Her coffee grew cold as she sat there pondering his words.
The minutes ticked by as she replayed memories from her past. Did she have unrealistic expectations for her mother, her father, her brother, and most of all, for Lucas? Did she really have unrealistic expectations of people? Did she really expect people to disappoint her?
“Yes.” The whispered word fell from her lips. Just look at her relationship with her mother. She’d expected her mother to be what she wanted, rather than what she was. But the truth of the matter was that her mother had done the best she’d been able to do. Candy was no longer a needy child and it was time to get past that hurt.
Then there was her relationship with her brother. She hadn’t even been willing to give Justin a chance to explain what had happened. Just as she’d done with Gary. She swallowed the lump growing in her throat. And it was just what she’d done with Lucas.
It wasn’t pleasant to revisit her life and realize that she held a large amount of responsibility for her own disappointments. Everyone made mistakes and everyone had things in their life that they weren’t proud of, herself included. Who was she to expect people to live up to her impossible standards?
She could picture the look of disappointment on Lucas’ face just before he’d walked away from her. She’d been so caught up in her own disappointment and anger that she hadn’t stopped to view it from his perspective. She hadn’t supported him when he’d needed her most.
Her head was pounding now and the ache in her stomach was a solid ball of misery. No matter what Lucas had done in his past, she knew who he was now. He was nothing like her father. Lucas would never lie to her. In fact, he’d immediately admitted that he’d been in jail when she asked.
But beyond that, Lucas was a man to be trusted. His word was his bond. Hadn’t she learned that in the past few weeks? If he said he’d do something, it was as good as done. Besides which, he owned a thriving business and worked hard.
What had she done?
Had she thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to her because of her own prejudices and insecurities? Candy swallowed back the tears that threatened. It wasn’t pleasant to see yourself in an unflattering light, but for once she felt like she was seeing herself the way she truly was. Stiff, unbending and unforgiving.
But that was about to change. Pushing out of her chair, she left her cold coffee behind on the table as she zipped up her coat and plunged back outside into the freezing cold. Darkness had descended upon the city, making it seem even colder. She hurried down the sidewalk, a woman on a mission.
She had no idea if Lucas would even talk to her, but she had to try. If nothing else, she owed him an apology and an explanation. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he might not forgive her. A year ago, she wouldn’t have forgiven him if their positions were reversed.
She pushed the fact that this was only supposed to be a temporary relationship out of her head. Maybe it had started that way, but Candy knew that she’d been lying to herself from the beginning in an attempt to protect herself from hurt. But it hadn’t worked. She’d loved Lucas almost from the very first and if there was even a chance that he might feel that way about her, then she was going to fight for their relationship.
She only hoped that it wasn’t already too late.
Lucas stormed into his apartment, ripping off his coat as he went. Who in the hell did that woman think she was? It was a tossup as to which woman he was talking about— Angela Murray or Candy Logan. But whereas Angela had only pissed him off, Candy had sliced him right to his very core.
He tossed his coat over the coat rack just inside the door and then stood there with his hands on his hips and his head bowed as he struggled for control. Who was Candy to judge him? She hadn’t lived his life, walked in his shoes. Besides which, he hadn’t asked her into his life— she’d barged in. But you didn’t let her go, a small voice whispered in his head.
No, he hadn’t let her go. And just look what he’d gotten for his trouble. His past was going to be exposed on some stupid cable television talk show and his heart, which he’d always managed to guard, had been ripped out of his chest. God, how he wished that Katie had never come up with the idea for that damned cookbook!
Striding into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and hauled out a beer. Opening it, he took a long pull on the bottle. The brew tasted bitter going down, but he took another swallow. His immediate concern was how this was going to affect his business. He’d worked too damn long and hard to lose what he’d built from his own blood and sweat. He prowled around his apartment, feeling confined by the four walls.
A thump came on the door just before it was thrust open. Lucas spun around, ready to deal with whoever had invaded his privacy. For a split second, his heart jumped and he wondered if Candy had chased him home to apologize to him. “Oh, it’s you.” Walking over to his sofa, he slumped down on the leather cushions.
“Is that any way to greet your best friend?” T. S. shook his head in mock sorrow as he sauntered across the apartment and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and helped himself to a beer before strolling back to the living room and joining his friend on the sofa. “Hard day?”
Lucas snorted. “If you call having my past dragged up on a talk show and having Candy look at me like I’m some hardened criminal that might taint her by even being in the same room with her, then yeah, I’m having a hard day.”
T. S. let out a soundless whistle. “I told you she’d be nothing but trouble.”
“Yeah, you did.” He sipped his beer. “But who cares, right? It was only temporary anyway. It was a good time, but it’s over now.”
“Uh-huh.” T. S. raised his eyebrow but made no further comment.
“I mean, we both know that she’s way out of my league. A classy lady like Candy and an ex-con.” He gave another bark of humorless laughter. “What a joke.”
“It’s her loss.” T. S. turned to Lucas, his face deadly serious. “You’re the best person I know. I wouldn’t have survived prison without you. I was skinny and so damned green, they’d have eaten me alive in there if it hadn’t been for you. So screw her if she thinks you’re not good enough. She’s not good enough.”
Lucas inhaled deeply. He appreciated what T. S. was saying, but it didn’t ease the pain or the pressure in his chest. “Thanks, man.” They sat in silence for a while. “It’s just as well it ended now before it got any more serious. We both know it couldn’t be permanent. I wouldn’t take that chance.”