He opens his mouth to speak, his voice raw and rough. “I love you, Luciana.”
I let the tears fall freely now. “That’s good because I love you too, Prague Boy.”
Tomas envelops my face in his hands and kisses me softly and deeply.
When we finally come up for air, he caresses my face with both hands, his eyes roaming over me. “Thank you for giving me another chance. I can’t wait to start my life with you. We’re going to have beautiful babies.”
He gets a distant look in his eyes, imagining our future children.
I clear my throat. “Yeah…about that…”
“What?”
“We kind of put the cart before the horse.”
“What does that mean?”
I shake my head. “It means that we kind of did things out of order. You know the standard protocol is first you get married, then you pop out the kids.”
“Yes.”
“Well…” I take his hand and place it over my belly.
His eyes pop out of my head. “Are you pregnant?”
A huge grin takes over my face. “Yup.”
He starts to tremble. “But…but…when did you find out?”
“Right before you left. Well, I suspected, but I wasn’t sure. You bailed on me—”
A confused look crosses his eyes.
Oh right. Idiom. “It means you left me behind, and then I found out for sure.”
A look of horror crosses his face. He takes a step back, running his right hand over his face and his hair. “Oh.”
He’s kidding, right? That’s all I get?
“’Oh?’ All I get is ‘oh’?”
“I just…it’s just,” he stumbles, “…a lot.”
“Yeah, I would say so,” I reply, my voice rising in frustration. “You do want this baby, don’t you?”
Tomas looks at me directly, his eyes blank, his face pale. “I have to go,” he mumbles.
What the fuck…
I quickly take two steps toward him, grabbing his arm. “Please don’t go,” I beg him. “I’m sorry, I know this was a shock, and after everything you just told me…we need to talk. Please stay, baby.”
“I need some time, Luciana,” he whispers.
Well, that’s pretty clear. He’s done with me and I’ll be a single parent.
But no way in hell am I letting him see me break down because of him.
“Go then,” I whisper in return.
He gives me one last glance before walking out the door. I stand paralyzed as I hear him exchange words with my parents, the front door slamming behind him.
Within a minute, my father is standing in my room.
“Are you all right, love?”
Not by a fucking long shot.
I rush toward him, a fresh set of tears streaming down my cheeks. “Get out of my way, Daddy. I’m going to throw up.”
* * * Lucy
Babies “R” Us
Union Square
One week later
I stare mesmerized at the electric double breast pump.
“That is one scary motherfucker.”
My mother looks around me. “Luciana! There are children here,” she hisses at me in admonition.
Fuck, she’s right.
I pick up the breast pump, taking it all in.
“I love you, sweetheart, foul mouth and everything. But once you have a child, you need to be more mindful of your preferred vocabulary,” she informs me.
“I know, Mom. I still can’t believe this is happening.” I gesture to the machine in my hand. “Put this one down.”
We’re walking around making a list of things to put on my baby registry. I mindlessly pick up a variety pack of pacifiers, letting it drop just as quickly back onto the shelf out of my hands.
I sigh to myself. This is something I should be doing with Tomas.
A warm arm encircles my shoulder. “He’ll come around, sweetheart,” my mother reassures me.
I lean into my mother’s side, taking in the comforting scent of her favorite Estee Lauder perfume.
“I know, Mom. I just wish he would understand that we’re okay now. I’m not going anywhere and he can trust me with his feelings. I can help him, but he’s still holding back from me. I love him so much.”
“I know you do. You just need to be patient. And he’s the perfect man for you.”
I smile to myself. “Yeah, he is.” I pull back from my mother, glancing around the store. “I’ve decided I want to know the sex of the baby beforehand,” I mention casually. “I need to know so I can decorate the nursery with the right colors.”
“You could always go gender neutral and use a soft yellow color palette.”
“I don’t want to be surprised. I’ve had enough surprises for one lifetime,” I mumble, then let out a long yawn.
She squeezes my shoulder. “I think we’ve had enough for one day, sweetheart. Let’s go home.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty wiped. I’d love a bath.”
“And we’ll order in some Chinese.”
“Perfect.”
We walk out of the store and turn the corner when something tall and broad bumps right into me.
“Hey, asshole—” I shout, and then just as quickly, my mouth drops.
“Hallo, Luciana.”
I look up into Tomas’s deep blue eyes now looking at me with concern, his hands holding my shoulders firmly. “I’m so sorry. Are you all right?”
I smile for a second, recalling this is how we first met. I shake like a nervous schoolgirl, so happy to see him. I want to reach out and grab him and kiss him, but I restrain myself to let him make the first move.
Patient. Just like Mom said. Be patient.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. What are you doing here?”
“I just had a meeting with Professor Waltz at the Conservatory. I needed his advice.” He turns to my mother. “Hallo, Mrs. Gibbons.”
She acknowledges him in a civil manner, short and succinct. “Tomas.”
“Luciana, could we talk?” he asks me carefully.
“Sweetheart, why don’t I go home and order our dinner? I think you and Tomas need some time together alone,” my mother offers.
I nod in gratitude, leaning in to peck her on the cheek. “I think that’d be good. I’ll see you in a bit.”
She gives Tomas a final “Don’t mess with my only child” look and walks toward the subway station entrance.
My feet are killing me. “Let’s go sit down.”
We cross the street into Union Square Park, his left hand on the small of my back, leading me, protecting me, and I find I like it.
He steers me toward the first empty bench. “How have you been? Are you still throwing up?”
I sigh, leaning back into the wood. “Not as much. My doctor gave me some anti-nausea meds that have helped.”
He gently takes my hand into his and takes a deep breath. “Luciana, I’m so sorry for how I behaved the last time I saw you, leaving you like that. I’m so embarrassed. It was just such a shock, you know.”
I nod, exhaling from relief at his words. “I can imagine. You weren’t expecting to hear that.”
“Not at all.”
I grip his hand tighter. “And I’m sorry for not being more sensitive about it, especially after what you told me about Petra and the baby. I wasn’t thinking clearly, just laying it on you.”
“It’s okay, my love. It was an odd day, seeing you again after I’d left like that. You had every right to your feelings.”
I want to cry at the sound of him calling me “my love” again after so long, but I keep myself in check. I move in closer to him until our thighs touch. He coils an arm around me, and I snuggle into his hard, strong body, the body of the man I’ve missed more than I realize.